Words Cannot Express My Excitement, But Richard Simmons Can

Hello, peeps! It's your favorite Wonder That Is My Blog spokesperson here. Stay tuned for an important announcement.
Thanks, Richard. I know that I already posted a blog today, but I absolutely cannot wait any longer to spill my news. Frankly, I'm pretty surprised that I haven't exploded from the pressure already.

I SOLD MY BOOK.

Now, you should read that in a high pitched squealy voice while jumping up and down and flapping your hands maniacally like you think that the excitement might have inexplicably given you the ability to fly. Because that's pretty much what I've been doing.

Everybody do the Thriller dance for Carrie. Where's a zombie kickline when you need it?

Aww, thanks Richard. Although I'm not sure that move is in the Thriller dance.

Anyway, No Pain, No Brain is going to be published. But it gets better.

My editor is Wendy Loggia at Delacorte.

EEEEK! Delacorte!?! Wendy Loggia? She's a rock star!

That's right, Richard. She's a HUGE rock star. I am in awe of Wendy. For a while, I couldn't figure out why on earth she'd want to work with ME, but then I figured it out. See, Libba Bray is with Wendy at Delacorte. (Insert inane squealing here.) And Libba has a new book coming out this month called Going Bovine. From all accounts, said book is freaking hilarious, and it's about a kid with the human form of Mad Cow Disease.

Now, according to a lot of people (some of which I paid), I am freaking hilarious. And I managed the national center for research in the human form of Mad Cow Disease. In fact, I presented at the international meeting of experts on the disease. They kept calling me Carrie Fisher.

Your publishing news is so awesome that it makes me want to shoot something.

Thanks, Carrie Fisher. Can I tell you that I've always coveted your hair? Now please, go away before Richard sees you. He gets jealous.

Anyway, it's obvious to me (not to mention Richard Simmons and Carrie Fisher) that I am meant to work with Wendy on a cosmic level. These coincidences are really not coincidental at all. They are the equivalent of blinking neon cosmic signs.

And really, anyone who thinks that zombie football players is funny is my kind of gal.

Yay, zombie football players! Yay, stripey shorts! Yay, Carrie!

Ahem. Anyway, I'd like to take a minute to thank Wendy for taking a chance on me. Richard and I both are really looking forward to working with you, and we hope that you like stripey shorts because that's the basis of the Team Carrie uniform. And I'd like to thank my equally big rock star agent, Kate. I once heard Kate described as having swashbucking optimism. Not only do I love that phrase, but I think it fits her to a tee. I absolutely defy anyone to find a better agent. I cannot thank her enough.

Besides, she likes Aragorn and pretty shoes. I like Aragorn and pretty shoes too (but not Aragorn IN pretty shoes, because that's kind of weird). See? It's another of those cosmic match thingies.

Yep. The excitement has completely unhinged my brain. WOO HOO!

WOO HOO!