Happy Friday!

Thanks for the well-wishes, peeps! I'm happy to report that I can see without medical intervention this morning. Yesterday, my eyes were swollen shut. Stupid spa treatments.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy your long weekend. I will CERTAINLY enjoy mine. This weekend is my anniversary. Seven years ago, Slayer and I stood out in the pouring drizzle and vowed to love each other no matter what. And we all had the giggles because it was very windy and my veil kept standing straight up. I looked like the bride of Frankenstein, minus the freakshow makeup.

So happy anniversary, Slayer. I love you. Although I've been thinking. If I'm the bride of Frankenstein, that makes you...

Never mind. ;)

Trolling the Interwebz

Alright. Am dealing with horrendous allergic reaction today, so I need a good laugh. Here are some highly amusing/interesting things I've been looking at on the Net lately.

First, there's a video on the teen wolf craze in Texas. What I want to know is how many of them are going van surfing like Michael J. Fox. (Note: Carrie Harris does not advocate van surfing. She also likes to talk about herself in third person sometimes.)



I want this so bad. Because really, who could resist Japanese zombie jerky?

I could eat it while wearing my pink zombie unicorn dress. Seriously. I LOVE Too Fast. I have some of their zombie stomper heels. They even have a werewolf pair now. Guess what I'm writing about?

Oh, and the ghost of Anne Frank wants you to stop reading her diary. Because really, when you think about it? That's rude.

So what about you? Find anything fun lately?

Fun with My Phone

I cannot decide if it's just me or if everyone's auto-complete cell phone feature was programmed by intoxicated Muppets. Do you have an auto-complete feature? I'm not sure if I'm using the right words for this; I'm talking about the thing that fills in words when you're texting, and you can select the right word from the list rather than spelling it out yourself.

And mine was programmed by intoxicated Muppets.

See, when I'm texting, which admittedly isn't tremendously often, I almost NEVER use the suggested words, because they make no freaking sense. I decided to test this theory by entering the beginning of a sentence and then finishing it with the auto-complete options.

So I started with "I'm sorry I..." I ended up with: I'm sorry I woke up on craigslist is easier for his family of funny.

Then I started with "I wish..." And ended up with: I wish but since no swearing can be earlier n shorts if u guys want me to use that one.

That's right. One of the options was "n shorts." And it was suggested after the word "earlier." If you can come up with a legitimate instance in which this phrase would be used, I will do something drastic like name a character after you or something.

And this last one is entirely incomprehensible. I started with "Muppets are..." and ended up with: Muppets are free to u...just let me thinks you posted the video you re.

I have been sitting here for a few minutes, trying to think of something funny to say about this, but all I can do is shake my head. Does this only happen to me, or was your phone programmed by intoxicated Muppets too?

Things That Make Me Snarf - Who You Gonna Call?

These are my people.



The only way this could have been better is if they would have had a Lewis impersonator staggering around with glasses askew and slime all over him.

BAD TASTE IN BOYS preview!

I feel like you deserve something special. You read my blog, after all. You should be decorated in laurels. Sparkly laurels. And then feted by a kickline full of zombies. Since THAT isn't going to happen any time soon, though, I've decided to do something different for you.

I'm going to give you a sneak peek of the beginning of BAD TASTE IN BOYS.

"But Carrie," you say, "you're not allowed to do that! Not without permission from your publisher." And you're right. But that's where the wonders of Babelfish come in. I ran my first few lines through the translator from English to Japanese and then back to English again, with a few stops in Greek and Russian along the way. So without further ado, I give you a sneak peek of the first few lines of BAD TASTE IN BOYS. Kinda.

“As for one there are those years of genius of type,” said Coach Hank. The meat attachment recommended the side of my chest where the good elbow had been attached. “This time to your practicality just the point. Just be a little something which is strongly appealed on the center”

While the team pulls the pitiful bat strongly in the rocker room of the person, I groped the word of encouragement.

Grope the word of encouragement, people. I only wish the real line were half as cool. Now don't you want to read the book, if only to find out what the real lines are before they were mauled by a babelfish?

Lolzombie of the Day - Oklahoma!

You ARE aware that I'm doing a series of lolzombies based on musicals, aren't you? Why am I doing this? Um...

Get back to me on that, will you? I need to think of a good justification that doesn't make me sound like a complete nutter.

Anyway, I'd like to present to you today's lolzombie, which comes to us courtesy of Oklahoma. The musical, not the state. I was quite surprised to find that Yahoo recognizes "zombies in cowboy hats" as a popular search. Facts like that restore my faith in the world.

Battle of the Imaginary Bands

So. I know today's entry is uber late, but trust me when I say it's worth the wait. (And apparently, I'm possessed by the ghost of Dr. Seuss.) Anyway, if you're on Twitter, you may already know that the illustrious Natalie Whipple and I were challenged to a Battle of the Imaginary Bands by Tracy Marchini and Sarah LaPolla. That's right, people. It's the pretend writer band versus the pretend agent band.

THE PRESSURE.

Natalie and I decided that if we were going to embarrass ourselves, we were going to do it with style. So I'd like to present to you the first official Preliminary Merpire video: Supernatural Boy. Because really, what would YA lit be without the supernaturally gifted hotties?

Natalie did some awesome video-making. And I sound like a 10-year-old when I sing. But show us some love in the comments anyway! Help us prove our imaginary superiority! Or even just imaginary-not-suckage! And stop by later for a link to Tracy and Sarah's entry, which is now HERE! And it's pretty freaking adorable too.



Supernatural Boy, by Preliminary Merpire
If you want my lovin, be more than just a guy.
Turn into an angel and fly up in the sky.
Otherwise you're wastin' my precious time.
But if you're more than mortal, we could be just fine.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.
So tell me what you want, what you really really want.
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I really really really wanna supernatural boy.

If you wanna be my boyfriend, you gotta have a hot tail fin.
Pointy teeth that I can see every time you grin.
If you wanna be my boyfriend, you need super skills.
Normal is too boring; I want some major thrills.
What you think about that? Now you know how I feel.
Say you're a werewolf? Are you for real?
I won't be hasty. I'll give you a try.
But if you try to eat me, then I'll say goodbye.

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I really really really wanna supernatural boy.

WTF Tuesday - Now with Dried Squid!

Another of those days where I have no bloggy ideas and an inability to focus on anything for more than about five seconds. Guess what that means! It's a WTF day, where I get to ramble a lot! Whee!

It's misting again. I certainly don't have it as bad as Nashville, but the constant rain is getting to me, not to mention the water in my basement. I think I need to write a book set in the Caribbean. And then go and research it. Extensively. I'm joking, except now that I've said it, it sounds like a pretty good idea.

I've been getting more feedback on the proposed sequel to BAD TASTE IN BOYS, and multiple people have said that my tertiary characters are really interesting. Like a woman who appears for about two lines: she's described as having razorblade cheekbones. People keep asking to see more of her. I hate to break it to you, but I don't mean that her cheekbones are made of razors. Although that would be kind of cool, now that I think about it. I smell a spinoff!

I keep running into those stereotypical situations that are SO cliche no one would ever believe them if I put them in a book. I guess that goes to prove that cliches happen for a reason. Just not necessarily a good one.

I just got my package of yummy Korean foodstuffs from a contest I won over at my crit group mate's blog. Thanks, Ello! I swear it was random, although if I had thought about it I would have tried to use my connections to sway the selection process. Dried squid was at stake, people. I thought about taking a picture of me eating dried squid for the first time, but that would require, like, getting dressed. And brushing my hair. So I'm not sure it's going to happen.

Yep, that was pretty random. How're you today?

Things That Make Me Snarf - Nazi Zombies

Okay, so this one is DECIDEDLY PG-13, but it's just too funny to pass up. Apparently, it is impossible for me to resist making fun of nazi vampire zombies. This doesn't surprise me either.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

The Blurb is the Word

I've been thinking about blurbs lately. Because I need some. And then I've been walking around the house going "blurblurblurblurblurb" because that's kinda fun to say, but that's a different story altogether.

Anyway. Blurbs. Have you ever picked up a book on the strength of a blurb? It's funny, because as a reader, I'm only occasionally influenced by the blurbage. I might pick something up off the shelf on the strength of a really great blurb. But most of the time, nope. I still read them, and I think, "Man, that would be awesome to have a blurb like that from HER." And that's as far as it goes.

But now that I'm actually going to get Ye Olde Book published, I'm a little crazy about the blurbs. Now they have suddenly jumped way up on my importance meter. And I'm thinking these are what I want:

Read BAD TASTE IN BOYS, yo. Or I'll go all Rambo on you.

Read BAD TASTE IN BOYS, or I'll blast you.

Read BAD TASTE IN BOYS, or I will tie you down and give you a makeover.

Read BAD TASTE IN BOYS! And eat your vegetables. Just not THESE vegetables.

Did it work? Are you going to read my book now?

Cover Me

I saw my cover. It's a big huge sekrit right now, so really I'm just bringing it up to taunt you. But I'm taunting you with LOVE. I will show it to you as soon as I'm able. You will like it. Trust me.

But it's a very strange thing, seeing that cover for the first time, because you've imagined it in your head a million times over. (If you're anything like me, that is.) You've imagined colors. And most of all, you've imagined seeing your name on it.

And then it shows up. It's nothing like what you imagined. It's sexy-creepy-kewl. And that means that by association, YOU are sexy-creepy-kewl. Because your name's on it, remember?

Don't believe me? Fine. I'll show you the cover. Just don't tell anyone I did, okay?

Forget the blue pill. The Hoff and I took the happy pill.

You didn't really think I'd show it to you, did you? Not without permission. I'm a good little author.

Anyway, I know some of you have imagined your covers. What did they look like? I imagined a Barbie doll cover, but what I got was much MUCH more awesome.

Lolzombie of the Day - Singin' in the Rain

ZOMG. I cannot believe how long it's been since I did a Lolzombie of the Day. For those of you unfamiliar with the whole thing, let me explain.

Er...it's kind of inexplicable. I mean, I could tell you that I've been posting lolzombies based on dance movies, but then you would ask the logical question. "WHY?!?!" And I would have no answer except that it makes me snarf. Hopefully this one makes you laugh too.


Frankly, I would pay good money to see a version of Singin' in the Rain with the Undead.

Writing Comedy with the Muppets

When I tell people I write comedy, I usually get one of two responses. #1 is "Say something funny." Um, duh? I WRITE comedy. Gimme a book, and I'll read it aloud to you. The second thing people say is, "I don't know how you do it. Writing funny stuff is HARD."

To a certain extent, I agree. It's very easy to write bad comedy, not so easy to write it really well. Luckily, I learned from some of the greats.

Everything I know about comedy? I learned from the Muppets.

Okay, so maybe that's exaggerating, but still? If you want to write funny, sit down and watch a few episodes. You'll learn things like this:



The takeaways from this clip?

1. You can never go wrong with a gag about tickling chickens.
   
2. Pigs in spacesuits are pretty funny too.
   
3. It's no secret that I adore Jim Henson. I wish I could find the exact quote, but one time he said something like, "If a joke isn't funny enough the first time, repeat it five times. It'll be hilarious." Okay, so I'm sure he said it a lot better than I did, but the point is the same. One of the hardest things I've had to learn (and am still learning) is where that sweet spot is repetition-wise. Every joke has one. Some don't need repeating, because they're funny enough the first time. Others need a little help. But here's the problem: if you repeat too many times, you actually LESSEN its impact. I think some of the classic book mashups suffer from this problem. The first time the (insert creature here) attacks (a character from classic literature), it's freaking hilarious. The second time? Yeah, it's funny. If you don't add something different by the third time? Boring. We've seen it all before, so the novelty is gone and we're looking for something new and unexpected to laugh at. So repeating gags need some development. I always look for ways to add to them, make them funnier. In this case? Henson turns the gag around at the end, and the chicken's chasing the Swedish chef with the cleaver. The unexpectedness makes it funnier and caps off the gag.

What do you think? Have you ever used a running gag in your work? What do you think of them in general?

Things That Make Me Snarf - Sleep Talking

How are you? I had a lovely Mother's Day, even though it was a little more pukey than I would have liked. I write about puke a lot. I find it funny, except for when I'm catching it.

Anyway, now that I've totally grossed you out, you probably need a laugh. And this week's Thing That Makes Me Snarf made me laugh so hard. Vampire penguins. Zombie guinea pigs. What more do you need?

Unfortunately, said video refuses to be embedded. But you can watch it here.

And happy belated Mother's Day to all you mommies out there. And... uh... happy Monday to the rest of you. I deserve credit for trying, right?

Devilish Winner!

Attention, people who entered my contest:

You made me snarf. You are awesome, except for the part where you made it really hard for me to pick a winner. But that's okay. I forgive you.

There were three entries in particular that made me laugh. First, we've got KM Walton's entry. She knows me too well.

Hoff phone home!

And then there's Mariah Irvin's entry. She deserves some serious kudos for bucking trends. Instead of going with one of my running gags, she created a new one. Nicolas Cage!

Team Nic FTW!

And lastly, there's the entry from Candyland. This is what I'd look like if I was undead and Adam Lambert did my hair.

I'm stylin. UUUUNGH!

So it was really hard for me to pick a winner. But then I realized that out of these three entries, two of them have won previous contests. I've decided to spread the love. Candyland, I hope you like cupcakes, demons, and snarky geek girls. Because you just won some.

WHEE!

The Author Questionnaire

I'm filling out my author questionnaire now. For those of you not familiar with this monstrosity, it's pretty simple. The marketing department at a publishing house wants to know a lot of things about their authors. Do they have connections in the industry? Any interesting background bits about the author that can be put into the marketing materials? Does the author have the personality of a rock, or are they someone who can be booked for interviews?

Okay, so I'm exaggerating that last one, or maybe not...I don't know for sure but I bet those marketing people could tell some funny stories.

So I'm filling mine out now. And I've learned something about myself: I need to lay off the freaking running gags.

Because every question that comes up? I want to answer one of three ways:

• "Zombies!"
  
• "Richard Simmons!"
  
• "ZOMBIE RICHARD SIMMONS!"

And this is great for questions like: "What inspires you?" Because really, it's the truth. Those things really do inspire me. But something tells me I won't be booked for speaking engagements if I list those things as my areas of expertise.

Although it's tempting. People who would book a zombie Richard Simmons expert? Those are my kind of people. You'd come to see me speak on that, wouldn't you?

Things That Make Me Snarf - Star Wars Car Wash

Woot! I'm giving away a copy of Maureen Johnson's Devilish, and she was kind enough to send me an email yesterday. I'm KEWL now. I rub elbows (virtually) with the bigwigs. Anyway, you should stop by the contest, and put MJ's head on a ghost or a trapeze artist or something. Piqued your interest, didn't I?

On with the snarf. This video? These are my people. And I would like to have Han Solo wash my car.

Random Graphic Whatever-Day-This-Is

Hey! Did you know that I'm giving away a copy of Maureen Johnson's Devilish? And it's a good excuse to play around with Faceinhole. Stop here for all the deets. I've already had a few laugh out loud moments, but YOU could WIN. And how awesome would that be?

And now for the random graphics of the day.

Can I adopt one of you? Because I really want someone to send me this Mother's Day card, but I think my kids are too young.



My new favorite game? Forget Rock-Paper-Scissors; I want to play Monkey-Pirate-Robot-Ninja-Zombie!



Has anyone seen this movie? Because I totally want to. It's fighty time, indeed!



You're welcome.

Spreading the Awesome: Books That Deserve 10 Stars

Today I want to talk about something uber kewl. Elana Johnson has done it again. This time, she's put together a huge list of pre-pubbed author bloggers, and we're all highlighting books of massive awesomeness. Some of us are even giving them away! Whee! As if our to-read lists aren't long enough already!

Srsly. Scillius Maximus leant me a huge bag of books over the weekend (Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter!!!), and I said to him, "Thanks for being a bad influence on my reading addiction." And I meant it, peeps.

Wow. That was really off topic.

Anyway, I've decided to feature one of my favorite books of all time: Devilish by Maureen Johnson. I've never read an MJ book I didn't like (and I've read 'em all), but this one has a special place in my heart. Devilish is about geek girls, and cupcakes, and Catholic school, and cute boys, and demons. It doesn't get much better than that.

And you can win it.

How, you ask? Well, it's easy. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to make a Faceinhole that makes me snarf milk out my nose. The one that makes me snarf the hardest wins a free copy of Devilish, which also made me snarf milk out my nose. (Well, okay, it was actually Dr. Pepper, but the concept is the same.) You can use any combo of faces: mine, yours, MJ's, Richard Simmons', WHOEVER. Just make it funny.

Faceinhole entries can be posted on your blog and linked to in the comments, or you can email them to me at carr (dot) harr (at) yahoo (dot) com. Get your entry in by Thursday 2 PM EST, and I'll announce the winner on Friday.

And if you want to check out some more books of total awesomeness and some more opportunities to win books that may or may not involve putting someone's head onto David Hasslehoff's body, go here for the list of all participants or visit the next link in the chain: Elle Strauss!