How to Say Thank You in Carrieland

I hate buying thank you gifts, don't you? I think my problem is that the choices range from generic to genericker. Flowers? Meh. Candy? Double meh. WHERE IS THE EXCITEMENT? WHERE IS THE EXPLODING CANNON OF AWESOME THAT SPEWS STREAMERS INTO THE AIR PRINTED WITH THE PHRASE, "THANK YOU! PLEASE COVER YOUR EYES TO PROTECT THEM FROM ACCIDENTAL INJURY!"?

The world needs that cannon. *I* need that cannon.

Or so I thought. But this week, I got two thank you gifts that will never be beaten from my pseudo nieces. (You know what I mean, right? I'm talking about those people who you call family but are fortunate enough not to share your genetics.) My pseudo nieces got me the COOLEST THANK YOU GIFTS EVER.

Because really, nothing says thank you like a big old packet of zombie blood.

Thank you for everything you do, and for... erg... graaagh... BRAAAINS!

And then? THEN I got the thing that left me speechless. Nothing says thank you like "I made you this zombie penguin at school and my teacher almost referred me for psychiatric counseling."

How do you spell thank you? Z-O-M-B-I-E-S-H-O-P-P-R-O-J-E-C-T-S!

That's right. Pinprick, my stuffed zombie penguin, now has a girlfriend. Zombie penguins in love...isn't it CUTE?

So thank you, pseudo nieces, for the awesomest thank you gifts EVER. Those are even better than the cannon. Srsly.