Thursday, September 16, 2010

Carrie's Guide to Getting Blurbs

So one of the things I'll have to do soon is get some blurbs. I've been thinking about this a lot, and I'd like to share my wisdom with you. I have LOTS of wisdom. A plethera, even. I'm going to put it in a numbered list for you, because numbered lists make me feel even MORE wise. Just call me Candalf. It's better than Ganrie.

And without further ado, here are my tips to get LOTS of blurbs:
  1. Always make sure to write your favorite authors directly at their personal email address, and call them "Sparkly Merpire Princess" in the salutation. Do this regardless of their gender.

  2. Figure out where they live, kidnap their dog, and tie your blurb request around its neck. Dress it up like a zombie and send it back. If they don't have a dog but do have a zombie penguin, give me their number. Pinprick (my zombie penguin) is lonely.

  3. Blurbing is a lot easier if you tell them what to say. Make sure your suggested blurb has at least seventeen adjectives per sentence. Some suggestions: poignant, riveting, emotional, thrilling, sparkly, puce, whack-a-ding-hoy, dillweedy.

  4. Every blurb request that has been delivered by Richard Simmons was accepted. Keep this in mind, kids.

  5. Subliminal messages WORK. Write "Blurb my book!" on your forehead with a sharpie and deliver candy to their house. Write one word of your book on each candy and let them have HOURS of fun trying to figure out what order the candies go in.

What other bits of wisdom can YOU throw into the mix?

15 comments:

Claire Dawn said...

whack-a-ding hoy is my new fave adjective. Also "TASTE BAD in BOYS" has quite a different vibe to it. Maybe individual words on seperate candies is not the best idea...

Vivi Bickell said...

Hmmm...you could stand outside their house with a boom box and play John Tesh or Michael Bolton at top volume until they give in and declare your book the "most poignant, riveting, emotional, thrilling, sparkly, puce, whack-a-ding-hoy, dillweedy novel ever written". (You may get an extra blurb if you dance like Justin Bieber while holding said boom box.)

Heather said...

I think you should just save them the time and write the blurb for them, then send it to your publisher with their forged signature and a request to please put this blurb on the front cover of every edition ever. I mean, they were totally going to say those things anyway, so really in the end they'll thank you.

Lisa and Laura said...

We were planning on tweeting snarky things about author's books and then immediately e-mailing them to ask for a blurb while comparing our book to Harry Potter. We've heard this approach is VERY successful.

K. M. Walton said...

I think you've given spot on advice here, Carrie Harris. Spot on.

I've printed this post out for future reference.

Carolyn V. said...

Those are just perfect tips. Hee hee, I just love the idea of Richard Simmons delivering it. Although, a bit frightening.

Lu said...

Hhaha great ideas!

Shannon O'Donnell said...

whack-a-ding-hoy?! I love it. But I like "Sparkly Merpire Princess" even better. Carrie, you are a rockstar! :-)

Kiersten White said...

Along with Lisa and Laura's suggestion, I also recommend giving their books really low star ratings online and writing subtext-laden reviews so that they author really remembers you. It's the only way to stand out. That way when they get your email it'll be like, "Oh, CARRIE! Yes, absolutely!"

Samantha said...

your site has gotten beautiffulll in the near year since i've been gone from the blog world.

and the cover of your book looks crazy good!

Carrie Harris said...

Whack-a-ding-hoy is MY favorite adjective too! That's such a coincidence, people!

You are full of good advice. I am full of thanks. I'll let you know how it all works out.

Amy said...

Thanks for making me laugh, Carrie. And as soon as I get my hands on a zombie penguin, I'm going to ask you to write a blurb for me.

K.C. Shaw said...

You can just blurb your own book. It's easier that way and you don't even have to read it, because (I assume) you already did!

Whack-a-ding-hoy is the best word ever.

Noelle said...

So like...has the Zombie Queen heard of the game PLants V.s Zombies? I ask after reading your blog while hubby is sitting at his PC next to me playing the game over...and over...and over...

N. R. Williams said...

LOL...I suggest hitting up the police department when they arrest you in front of the author's hideout and offer them a Sparkly Merpire Princess when they write a whack-a-ding-hoy blurb for you.
Nancy
N. R. Williams, fantasy author