It's getting to be that time of year, when we're all scrambling to buy gifts for Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Ramrod the Holy Toaster Day. Whatever. So I've started to do the whole shopping thing. My family is pretty big on lists, so my Christmas morning is usually full of things I actually want and need as opposed to the sweater with the pink flamingos staring at my boobies.
I got that once. I posted a picture. It's too traumatic to go back and look for.
But what do you do when the person you're buying for doesn't give you a list and they're a total lunatic? You turn to me for advice, of course. I get all the best lunatic holiday gifts from one of three top places.
1. Too Fast. Too Fast is the place to go for clothing items with zombies on them. Some of the zombies also stare at or grab the boobies, but it's better than flamingos. This year, I'm partial to the werewolf stompers (to go with my zombie pair), the eyeball leg warmers, and the zombie wall clings.
2. Fred and Friends. I may be related to the people behind Fred and Friends. They REACHED INTO MY BRAIN and pulled out the mixing spoon drumsticks, the ninjabread men, and the brain freeze ice cube trays. I would like to decorate my entire home with Fred and Friends.
3. The Knotbygranma Etsy shop. Oh, Jess. Before you, no one filled my need for crocheted valentines dolls with tentacles coming out of their mouths and three headed cheerleaders. My life is complete now that I have seen these things, or it will be once I get my hands on one of those tentacle girls.
So there you go. Where else do you go to get gifts that aren't...well, NORMAL?