Blog Tour - Altercation

I'm so happy to be participating in Tamara Hart Heiner's blog tour for her new book, ALTERCATION! It's out now, so you don't even have to wait to get your copy. I wish I could take credit for this convenience, but...oh heck. I'll totally take credit for it.

Anyway, here's a little bit about the book!

The FBI promises Jacinta Rivera and her friends that they are safe. Jaci wants desperately to believe them but weeks of hiding from their kidnapper, alias "The Hand", have left her wary. Hidden from the public eye in an FBI safe house, Jaci must reconcile both the mysterious disappearance of her father and the murder of her best friend.

A betrayal lands Jaci back in the grasp of The Hand, shattering her ability to trust and leaving her to wonder if she will ever piece together her broken life.

Uber cool, right? I'm all about a good suspense book, and I hope it doesn't sound too morbid when I say that I have contingency plans in the event of a kidnapping, and I've actually duct taped myself to a chair and tried to get out (it was research for a book, but also is handy in case I ever need to escape), and I've thought long and hard about potential kidnappers. Because really, if I'm going to be kidnapped, I want the BEST kidnapper possible.

(Side note: I am a smartass. Please don't kidnap me. I'm also married to a ninja, so it's really in your best interests to not take me seriously.)

I mean, honestly? The Hand is SCARY. I would really prefer to be kidnapped by one of these guys.

1. Richard Simmons. I figure if Richard is my kidnapper, I'll get lots of exercise and maybe take off the last 10 pounds I ought to lose. And it's really hard to be afraid of a guy with that hair and short shorts, so as far as kidnappings go, it shouldn't be too stressful. Provided no vegetables are involved.

2. Darth Vader. Evidence suggests that if you're kidnapped by Darth Vader, two cute guys will disguise themselves in stormtrooper outfits and come to rescue you. And sure, you'll smooch your brother, but you ultimately end up with Indiana Jones! I am totally down with any kidnap scenario that ends with dating Indy.

3. Michael Symon. I'm a huge Food Network junkie, and it seems to me that being kidnapped by Mike Symon would be like HIM: Eat this meat, prisoner! ME: Okay! The only problem would be that after I was kidnapped by him, I'd need to be kidnapped by Richard again.

4. Ninjas. I'm married to one, so I figure the Ninja Code of Not Hurting Other Ninjas' Wives will keep me safe. Besides, I think this sign is awesome, and I want to give people the opportunity to carry one.

And those are my preferred kidnappers! Congrats to Tamara on her book, and thanks so much for visiting me today! In honor of the book release, THERE ARE PRIZES. You can learn all the relevant deets on Tamara's blog, but the short version is that commenting below enters you to win an ebook of PERILOUS or ALTERCATION, so let me know who YOU'D like to be kidnapped by! And the grand prize is pretty awesome, so check out that blog entry to win.

More Summer Reading!

I'm doing well on the quest to read 50 books, probably because I'm supposed to be editing, and I'm reading for inspiration, otherwise known as procrastinating. (I'm exaggerating a little--I made it to page 50 today and am going strong. But for some reason, I read more when I'm editing than when I'm drafting. Anyone else out there do that?) If you missed it before, I'm hoping to read 50 books before the kids go back to school in September. I posted about the first two last week, and I made a LOT of progress this week. Here's what I've been reading.

#3. Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo
I enjoyed this quite a lot--the Russian inspiration felt new and different to me. I'll admit that some of the plot threads I was most hoping to see developed, like a lot of the political bits about the Grisha status and the king and queen, didn't get as much page time as I hoped. But there's always the sequel, and I'll definitely be picking it up! It has just hit the shelves; pick it up and let me know what you think!

#4. I Hunt Killers by Barry Lyga
Holy crap so good. Why haven't people been gushing more over this?!? It's like a YA mashup of Silence of the Lambs and Dexter, and that's a sentence I never thought I'd have reason to say. It's creepy and freaky and so so awesome. Please be forewarned that this is one of those endings in which there's less resolution and more sequel set up. But I was so happy to learn that there would be a sequel that I didn't freaking care.

#5. Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies by James Marshall
I just couldn't resist. And really, from the never-ending WTFBBQ first sentence all the way through the equally WTFBBQ ending, it's quite a ride. But it's a VERY politically incorrect, no holds barred satire--you have to read it with your tongue firmly in cheek. And if you're anything like me, you will laugh hysterically and feel vaguely guilty over it and wonder if maybe there's something wrong with you. It reminded me of Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal, in which he satirically suggests that poor people should eat their children and the best ways to cook them? It's that kind of humor. I'm still vaguely stunned.

#6. Deadline by Mira Grant
This is the third book in the Newsflesh series, which is the best zombie series I've ever read. If thou hast not read it, thou shalt stop reading this and GET A COPY ALREADY. I do think I liked the first two books better; I don't want to go into spoilery details, but I felt like it ended so fast and I just wasn't ready for it to be over. But then again, I probably wouldn't EVER be ready for it to be over, so there's that. Seriously, I cannot even begin to explain how good this series is. And she's doing a cryptozoology series under her real name, Seanan McGuire, and I am ALL OVER THAT.

So there's that. I'm trying to get a nice variety--some YA, some adult, some MG. A smattering of genres--right now I'm reading a historical mystery, which is nice, and then I think I'm going to pick up a YA fantasy. I've heard it said that it's important to read outside your genre, and I totally agree. So I'm going to get back to it!

OH MY GOD

Look! Look! I posted twice in one week!

I think I deserve a cookie now.

But not this one shaped like Richard Simmons.

That's all.

This post brought to you by an author who is trying to avoid editing her next book.

Summer Reading

One of the things I'd really like to get caught up on this summer (besides this poor neglected blog) is reading! So I think I'm going to take a stab at 50 books before school's back in session. And I need YOU to help keep me in check! And if you have any summer reading goals, let me know and we'll nag each other until we get it done.

I can nag very uniquely, you know. Like, I could threaten to send the Ninja Attack Squad to your house to steal all your socks. And I could REALLY DO IT. (Except for the part where my friends might resent my ordering them around like ninja flunkies. And Ninja Flunkies should be a band name. I've been coming up with those a lot lately for some reason.)

So here are my first two reads for the summer! And I will review them in limericks, because I feel like it.

#1. When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead
This book, it won lots of award-as.
But it doesn't contain any sword-as.
It's a myst-ry sci-fi.
Bout a girl and a guy
And it has lots of references of Madeline L'Engle, which I find quite plainly awesome. And yes, I know this was supposed to be a limerick, but MADELINE L'ENGLE TRANSCENDS LIMERICKS.

#2. Clarity by Kim Harrington
This book has been on my to-read list,
Forever, and now I am so pissed.
Should have read it before,
This book I adore,
It's a mystery with a psychic twist!

Right now, I'm reading this INSANE book called Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies. I'm...just...

*speechless*

I'll come up with some words to describe it. Next week, maybe. What are you reading?

All the Things

So! I have winners who will be receiving paperbacks, and one will get a mention in one of my upcoming books as well as the opportunity to name a character, but for right now, I'm only going to mention them by initials. Why? Someone pointed out to me that the winner might want me to name a character after, say, their BOSS and then feed them to a herd of hungry Yeti, and they might not want that screamed all over the interwebs. Or they might want me to name a character after them and feed them to the Yeti, in which case it'll be kind of obvious. But for the moment, I shall protect the confidentiality. Mostly because I want to feed someone's boss to hungry Yeti. It's all about me.

And the winners are...AH, BS, and NC! If your initials match those initials AND you entered the contest, quit reading this and go check your email! And then start thinking about Yeti fodder!

In other news, I finished the first draft of a new book on Wednesday! And then yesterday, I got the first round of edits on Demon Derby, which will be my third book. And in my spare time, I'm working with a bunch of other Michigan writers on a short tour, which I'll be telling you more about soon. Aaaaand I'm going to be contributing to the Bookish Brunette blog on occasion. You know, during my free time.

Also, this really cracks me up. Why? WHY NOT.

Happy BTIB Paperback Day!

Bad Taste in Boys comes out in paperback today! In honor of the awesomeness, here are some OTHER things that are awesome. And an opportunity to win things, because that's how I roll.

If you win this antique vampire slaying kit, I expect you to share it with me. Bram Stoker and I share a birth date, so it only seems fitting that I own one.

Sadly, I was unable to find a place that actually sells this set of emergency stakes. Guess I'll need to learn woodworking. Unless YOU know how? I'd share the antique vampire slaying kit that I don't own with you.

I'd also like to share this very random video of Mr Bean dancing...and wearing a crazy troll head. It's not embeddable, but totally worth the click.

Here are some obligatory paperback links, if you'd like a copy...

• Amazon
• Barnes and Noble
• Books-a-Million
• Indie Bound

And to celebrate this semi-momentous occasion, I'm going to give things away! Two people will win signed paperbacks. And one person will win a signed paperback and the opportunity to name a character in one of my upcoming books AND a mention in the acknowledgements as an official PERSON OF AWESOMENESS. Just think. I could kill one of your ex-boyfriends/ex-bosses/ex-roommates in an upcoming book. AND THEN YOU COULD GLOAT ABOUT IT.

OOOOoooooOOOOOOoooooOOOO!

Enter below! And as always, lemme know if you have questions or if the Rafflecopter is wonky or if you want to share your vampire slaying kit with me. EDITED TO ADD: Almost forgot to mention! International entries are totes welcome!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

The Epic SURRENDER Post of Epicness

Today, I have the pleasure of hosting my friend and fellow bacon fiend Elana Johnson, whose book SURRENDER came out on Tuesday. I have one thing to say about SURRENDER--I loved POSSESSION...but this one's even better. Like, holy crapsticks levels of awesomeness. Burn the dinner levels of awesomeness.

The food, I will make you burn it.

You get the point.

Now, Elana and I decided to do something a little different with this post, because we are insane. So we co-wrote this. It's the most fun I've ever had writing a blog post. Leave a comment to be entered to win a bunch of awesome signed second books, and then head on over to Elana's blog for lots more chances to win!

And without further ado....I give you an epic battle of snark...between the Hoff and Adam Lambert.

*****

So you’re lost in the world of SURRENDER. It’s dark. There are strange noises buzzing overhead—the sound of hoverboards. Silver buildings tower, and then wide stretches of green space leave you exposed. You feel like someone’s poking around inside your mind—because they are. There’s a wall around the city of Freedom, and a body of water so wide you know you’ll collapse before you can swim across it.

You can’t escape.

An alarm sounds just as you round a corner—and see two people waiting to guide you through the perils of Freedom.

 David Hasselhoff...

and Adam Lambert.

Which would you choose to lead you through the world of SURRENDER? Here’s some information to help you decide.

Adam: My hair is so wickedly cool that no one will stop to stare at that, um, beaver (points to the Hoff’s head) hairdo. The less people looking at us, the better, trust me. My guyliner alone is enough to make anyone who looks our way duck their head and scurry along.

I also wear this super-sharp pinkie file ring, and Thinkers bleed just as much as the rest of us… Just sayin’.

The Hoff: Don’t call me Beaver Hair, Prettyface McSparklepants! They love my hair in Germany.

Oh yeah. The guide thing. Of course you should pick me. No way are you going to make it through the city unnoticed by the Thinkers. I’ll get crowned Miss Badlands before that happens. We’ll stir up the populace with our cult of personality! And our singing skills! And our chest hair! And then we’ll escape in all the confusion. Those Thinkers won’t know WHAT to think.

Adam: Germany? This ain’t Germany, my friend.

The Hoff: Sparkle sparkle blah blah blah. I can’t hear you; your clothes are too loud.

Questions Adam and the Hoff have answered to help you make your decision:

1. How fast can you run?
Adam: My leather pants look like wheels when I can run so fast. Blurred like wheels. And my hair still looks good when I arrive.

The Hoff: This dude has it all wrong; anybody can run fast. And leather pants CHAFE. Do you plan to stop mid-chase to apply ointment? I can run in SLOW MOTION. It’s an essential skill that adds tension to chase scenes, especially if you’re wearing a bathing suit. But don’t worry. I’ve got that part covered. Or uncovered, if you get what I’m sayin’.

2. Do you need a map or do you have the city memorized?

The Hoff: Who do you think I am, Dora? The Hoff needs no map. The Hoff has a GPS the size of a car. Actually, it is a car. Who needs hoverboards when you have KITT?

Adam: No car needed here. I have a map of Freedom tattooed on my chest and back—which is hairless, unlike some people I know.

3. What special equipment do you have to aid the escape?

Adam: Guyliner (instantly altering our appearance—we’ll blend easier), leather (we can suck on it for nutrients if it comes to that), loads of jewelry (flashes under lights—can blind anyone chasing us), and a voice that can bring the masses to their knees. In this world, you totally need a great voice—and I have that.

The Hoff: Well, I have cheeseburgers. Protein’s essential for muscle growth and fighting off bad guys. And my car is a robot! How cool is that? KITT is impervious to mind control AND there are cup holders. We don’t want to get dehydrated while evading pursuit during a high speed chase. Don’t worry; KITT can drive itself so we can taunt the bad guys out the window while we hydrate and eat our burgers.

And will somebody tell me what guyliner is so I can make fun of him for it?

4. Why should I pick you over your opponent? What’s their greatest weakness?

The Hoff: I have chest hair that’s tougher than this guy.

In fact, my chest hair challenges him to a duel. That’s right, people. MY CHEST HAIR CAN TALK. AND IT IS CALLING YOU OUT, ADAM CAMEMBERT OR WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS.

Adam: I see your chest hair challenge and raise you four rings.

I doubt you’d even know how to put this thing on, Mr. I-Run-In-Slow-Motion-And-Dazzle-People-With-My-Chest-Hair. If all you’ve got is an 80s robot car and chest hair, you won’t make it ten inches—unless you can get your chest hair to uncurl. It’ll probably stretch that far.

So. Who would you pick to lead you through the world of SURRENDER?

*****

Your survival depends on one of these two people! Who do you pick? Leave a comment below to be entered to win, and uber, mega, bacony thanks to Elana for stopping by!