Thursday, August 28, 2008

Making Things a Little TOO Realistic

So recently I finished reading a werewolf book, because I find werewolves about as amusing as zombies. Almost but not quite, because they don't lurch quite as much, and lurching is just plain humorous. Anywho, this book had a great premise and a pretty interesting plot, but I got a little squicked out by it. See, the author made a real point of making the werewolves have wolfy instincts, only the one wolfy instinct that kept cropping up the most was absolute submission to the alpha. Yeah, THAT kind of submission.

Eeeww.

But the whole thing made me think about the concept of werewolves and got me laughing pretty good. See, werewolves are really nothing more than big hairy Cuisinarts. They're huge, and snarly, and they'll quite happily tear your head off and wear it as a bonnet to keep out the sun. What if THEY went overboard with some traditional wolfy type instincts? I'm not thinking submission, although a big hairy Cuisinart rolling around on the floor showing his throat is funny. But even funnier is licking.

Can't you just picture it? The high school couple on a date to lookout point, the full moon emerging from behind a cloud, and Junior turning into a big hairy Cuisinart, fangs and claws glistening in the night. She screams. And then he pounces on her and proceeds to cover her in werewolf slobber.

And seriously, if dogs have doggie breath, what does werewolf breath smell like?

Eeeww.

Lick lick lick lick lick.

7 comments:

PJ Hoover said...

hmmm... I've read little to no werewolf stuff. But yeah, a big hairy Cuisinart would be different if nothing else. And isn't that what they say is needed? A spin on the genre?
Or maybe it's a puree on the genre which is needed.

Prince Balthazar said...

Who is the reigning queen or king of the werewolf genre? Is there any myth/monster that hasn't been reinvented for urban fantasies?

I'm curious. We have vampires, zombies, werewolves...what else?

I was thinking about trying to give gargoyles a make-over. Anyone know if they are already taken? LOl.

Carrie Harris said...

When you're talking King or Queen 'o Werewolves, you're talking YA, right? Because if that's the case, I don't know that there is one. Anyone else know something I don't?

And I think there are plenty of beasties out there, but they're some of the less common ones. To me, that makes 'em perfect fodder. Seriously. Gargoyles are good. Or djinn, mummies, phouka, trolls, et cetera, et cetera. I'm all about getting ideas from myth!

Prince Balthazar said...

Yeah, I'm pretty much thinking YA. I'll have to poke around in Encyclopedia Mythica and see what old monster/ghoulies I can dust off and breathe new life into.

It's a great site:

http://www.pantheon.org/

Carrie Harris said...

I LOVE that site. And I can't wait to hear what you come up with, Balthazar!

Brenda said...

Hi Carrie...The Licking Werewolf is a great idea...picture the shower scene from Physco...you hear snarling in the background, she turns, the shower curtain opens, and then up jumps the werewolf, fangs showing and he licks her face from her chin to her forehead...grin...

Lilfix (blueboards)

Carrie Harris said...

I keep picturing the Licking Werewolf in the shower, and I can't stop giggling. That is TOO perfect!