Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Carrie's Guide to Author Photos

I've started working on some massive awesomeness, aka my author picture and bio for the inside of my book. My BOOK! Have I mentioned that I have a book? Okay, so I've mentioned it, but have I mentioned it today? In the last five minutes? I have a book. A BOOK!

Scuse me while I do the dance of joy.

I'm back.

But I've learned a lot of things about author photos since I started working on mine, and I'd like to share that knowledge with you. Remember that Give Backery thing? Of course you do. You should enter the contest if you haven't already.

Here are my tips to awesome author photo-ry.

1. Silver sparkles are slimming. Let's face it; business attire is so yesterday. Catsuits are the author photo trend of the future.



2. Speaking of catsuits... pick your pose carefully. Personally, I'm not a fan of the resting-chin-on-hand pose. It's so much more visually exciting if you top your fingers with metal claws and waggle them at the camera.



3. When all else fails, bare a little skin. No one can resist a metal bikini.



4. Before exposing that skin, please perform an essential public service. Make sure to shave your chest hair. Assuming that you WANT people to buy your books, that is. I'm talking to YOU, David Hasselhoff.



I hope these tips are as helpful to you as they are to me.

26 comments:

Disgruntled Bear said...

Love the pix. I wish MY book needed an author photo.

Why is everyone cowering away from me? Was my low growl of jealousy audible to others?

Jamie Eyberg said...

helpful hints. You are like Heloise or something, only better looking in a metal bikini.

Kristi said...

Love em -- the last one is priceless! :)

Kelly said...

Please please use the last one! :)

storyqueen said...

The Hasselhoff photo just scared the crap out of me.

Kim Harrington said...

That picture of you as The Hoff is burned into my memory for all time. I'll never be clean again!

Kristen said...

Omg, this post was hilarious lol to David Hasselhoff. Very funny and congrats on the book!

Natalie Whipple said...

You know, it's not so much the chest hair—I can handle a little chest hair—as it is the BELLY HAIR. Yeah...I think I'm skipping breakfast.

Mariah Irvin said...

Haha! Love them!

But in all seriousness, we will need to be seeing the REAL author photo you choose. I will be amused if it is actually the Hoff.

Casey McCormick said...

Did you just Hoff yourself? Bahahahaha. Use that one!

Shannon O'Donnell said...

OMG! Totally ROFL!! I may never get those pictures out of my head now... thanks a lot Carrie. I think I may be scarred for life. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Carolyn V. said...

Yay for your book!!!! So cool!

Be careful, that metal bikini might chafe. Ouch.

Scillius Maximus said...

Thanks Carrie.

#4 made my left eye hurt

exploringeliza said...

Wow, you're pretty hot in those tightie-blackies and leather bomber. I mean, waaay smokin'.

Dani. said...

Hahhaha this is so funny! I love all the pictures:]

Cant wait for your book!

Mireyah Wolfe said...

Ahh, I didn't get past the sparkles!

*sparkle sparkle sparkle* ;)

Cate Gardner said...

Oh god, why did my eyes have to see that picture of The Hoff...

Nisa said...

rofl! So useful. Now I know that I'll be a failure at the author photog 'cause I won't be caught dead in a catsuit.

I'm late to the party, but congrats on YOUR book! :D

Natalie L. Sin said...

My author picture will be a dog wearing a hat ; )

K. M. Walton said...

Carrie Hasselhoff needs some serious manscaping.

Masonian said...

Manscaping with a weedwhacker.

We just did a photoshoot (my effete writing group). we had swords. yup. SWORDS.

Angela said...

I can't even find a profile photo for myself that I like....I can't even wrap my mind around an author photo.

But - I WILL wear a catsuit if you will!

Oh, I used to own this really great red velvet cape from the 30s that would have been PERFECT!

Lisa and Laura said...

Haha. We can't wait to see what you finally end up with!

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

hahahahahahahaha! Your author photos will be immortalized now. This is awesome.

Brigitte said...

Hahaha I nearly spat my orange juice through my nose at the last one!
I was expecting something like Xena. Guess I was wrong!

xoxox

looking-glass-fables.blogspot.com

Tiny T said...

What! No zombie photo?