Friday, February 19, 2010

WTF Friday - Now with More Blatant Lying!

I have no ideas what to write about today. Unfortunately, I have no idea what to put in my author bio, either. I am ridiculously boring in real life. I mean, sure, I'm Tom Brokaw's bestie, Richard Simmons' talent agent, and Carrie Fisher in disguise, but other than THAT, I'm boring. I'm thinking I may need to make something up, like I'm really the daughter of two infamous wizards, and the funky scar on my forehead isn't just a birthmark, it was inflicted by The Evil Wizard, Gooberpuss. Only you can't say his name out loud. It's not like he'll hear, but it'll make you laugh until milk comes out your nose.

Which is pretty impressive if you don't drink milk.

Don't you think that would make a good biography? Wouldn't you want to buy the book written by the girl with a Gooberpuss inflicted scar on her face? Doesn't that just scream "bestseller"?

Or maybe I could be an average girl with a secret obsession with boys who serve as alternate light sources, and then I meet a killer supernatural who shines light out his ears when he hiccups. It doesn't bother me that he wants to eat me. I'm in love with the ear lights.

Actually, that sounds creepy. Never mind that.

I'm running out of ideas. Help, people! Help!

(Oh, and did you see that Storyqueen wrote me a limerick yesterday? How kewl is THAT? I told my son that the Good Knight lady wrote a poem about me, and now my kewlness quotient has increased exponentially. Her books are some of my son's favorites, and I'm not just saying that because she wrote a poem about me.)


Sherrie Petersen said...

Your own limerick, huh? That is ├╝ber cool. And I'll bet your author bio is hilarious. How could it not be? You're married to a ninja and you fight zombies. Need I say more?

Tere Kirkland said...

I may have overdosed on Sudafed this morning, but I bet your author bio will be brilliant!

Don't stress!

Mariah Irvin said...

Ear lights? You fascinate me to no end.

Keri Mikulski said...

Gotta love author bios. :)

Can't wait to see what you come up with. :)

Fox Lee said...

I say use vocabulary that makes everything you do sound salacious. People like that ; )

Carolyn V. said...

Ooohhh, I think you should make up something awesomely spooky and put it into your author bio. Just take your time, you'll think of something fantastic!

lora96 said...

Nah I think nose lights would be better--still sexy but appeals to the Rudolph crowd too. :P

Larissa said...

Defining the awesome is difficult.

storyqueen said...

I'd write another limerick for you that you could use for your bio, except there's a reason it's called in Fry-day....and in my brain is fried.

(Don't tell the zombies, they might like fried brains....)

What's with the dot-dot-dot, StoryQueen?

Heck if I know.


Alissa Grosso said...

I struggle with this issue myself. My favorite author bio ever is Kelly Link's which says something like she once one a trip around the world by answering the question why do you want to go around the world? Because you can't go through it. Unfortunately I don't have anything short and sweet like that to include in my bio.

K.C. Shaw said...

Maybe you could include the limerick in your bio. Or you could just write your bio in limerick form. Limericks make everything better!

Anonymous said...

What was it my imaginary mom always told me?

Oh yeah. Be yourself. Be honest.

And tell us what color your toenails are painted. :) Can't go wrong with an oddly intimate detail.

Kimberley Griffiths Little said...

Hilarious post, Carrie!
Alas, I have no advice because I find bios to be SO difficult and I'm self-conscious writing one, like, "look at me, aren't I so wonderful and accomplished?" but you're so funny you'll do great. :-)

kanishk said...

I may have overdosed on Sudafed this morning, but I bet your author bio will be brilliant!

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