Monday, December 15, 2008

Don't Call Me Stubby

The House Full o' Peepul went well. (I have to admit it--I read that sentence and a little voice in my head wails, "The house is like Soylent Green! It's PEEPUL!") We had enough food and no one threw up eating it. No one broke anything in the house or on their bodies, and there's a minimal amount of mess to clean up thanks to the combined efforts of many of the peepul, who rock the casbah.

I was in charge of the cooking, so I was mostly concerned about that, particularly since our head count ran anywhere from five (that would be Slayer, me, the Batson, and twins Left and Right) to 35 (that would be Slayer, me, the Batson, twins Left and Right, and a bunch of other peepul). It's hard to make sure that you've got the right amount of food when you honestly have no idea how many peepul are going to show up, but I did mighty well if I do say so myself, which is a stupid phrase because obviously I just did.

I like cooking. It's kind of a Zen thing, something to do with my hands while I ponder important topics such as what I should use to install a set of Batbrows on a Batman mask. For some reason, the Batbrows in my mental picture look like bright orange caterpillars, and I do not want to harm caterpillars of any hue in the making of my Batbrow mask.

Wow. Hello, tangent. I'm Carrie.

This weekend was especially nice because the turnout ended up being more around the 35 peepul mark, and that meant that I had help chopping. Because this is undoubtedly my least favorite part of cooking. This may have something to do with the time that I chopped the tip of my finger off. (Ya think?)

I sold knives for about one week during the summer before I left for college. It was one of those house-to-house things, and one of my neighbors graciously offered to listen to my schpiel, even though we all knew she wasn't going to buy a damned thing. So there I am, slicing through a rope to prove how sharp the knives are when I cut off the tip of my finger instead. It went something like this:

"Notice how easily this knife cuts through a coil of rope. Imagine how easy it will be to slice through a nice big... finger! Um... Uh... Oops. Don't mind the spurting; it really isn't as bad as it looks. *tucks finger in armpit and quickly puts away red-tinged rope* Okay! Do you want me to cut up an apple before I pass out from blood loss?"

I just checked, though, and I'm happy to report that my fingers are the same length. And obviously, I quit that job immediately after the shortening of my finger. Because I did not relish a future in which my friends affectionately referred to me as Stubby.

17 comments:

Necla said...

Nice blog

War Of The Fire ©

Jamie Eyberg said...

I could use a nice sharp set of quality blades. Have anything for sale in the ninja variety?

Kelly said...

Glad you kept your fingers intact this weekend!

Big Plain V said...

Yeah, does Cutco do ninja knives? Cuz I'd sit through that schpiel.

"Notice how the sword passes through the eye socket and directly out through the back of the skull -- you won't get that with the competition."

Catherine J Gardner said...

The most we have around our table is 12 - and it's chaos. It would be finger food if I had to cater for 35.

adrienne said...

I read Catherine's comment and got a whole different picture of 'finger food' after reading that post...

That sounds like an awful job even without slicing part of your finger off!

Vivi Alden said...

Eeek! That is an impressive amount of cooking...I can barely cook for 2.5 peepul without having a hot flash (my son being the .5 since he lives mostly off Cheerios and air). But 35 peepul??? I might cut the tip of my finger off on purpose just to get out of having to cook that much food!

Natalie L. Sin said...

If only that knife demo had occurred in the days of Youtube. You could still be enjoying it ; )

Marcia said...

This is why, as a mom, I was quite content to own dull knives. :x

Stephanie Perkins said...

Okay, Carrie. I give up. What unusual jobs haven't you done??

Next you will tell us you've been a mayonnaise taste-tester, a skyscraper window-washer, and the bearded lady at the freak show.

(You get to have ALL the fun.)

K. M. Walton said...

Glad you made it through your event!!

Lady Glamis said...

Yep, if you don't like chopping, definitely don't do Asian food....most of it's chopping. :)

Glad nobody broke anything!

Elizabeth said...

Hey now! I too sold knives for a brief period, but not door to door. I think nowadays door to door weapon sales is poo-pooed.

Christina Farley said...

So I guess you ve knives on your Christmas list this year.

keri mikulski :) said...

Glad you had a nice weekend. :)

Carrie Harris said...

Necla: Thanks for visiting!

Jamie: Sadly enough, we have oodles and none for sale. You could try to come to our house and take them, but I don't recommend that. ;)

Kelly: That makes two of us, sister!

BPV: Now THAT's funny. I'd sit through that too.

Cate: Like Adrienne, I snarfed at "finger food."

Adrienne: Yeah, like I said, I'm not a quitter, but still, I quit. No need to risk my fingers.

Vivi: Well, my stepmother is a bona fide chef, and my mother-in-law is Polish (speaks for itself), so I've had a lot of instruction. I can make all kinds of things that you wouldn't want to eat, unless you happen to like pig's feet and pate.

Natalie: I'm not sure "enjoying" is the right word there.

Marcia: Oh, I know. Mine aren't particularly sharp, but they're still tucked back in the absolute corner of the kitchen.

Stephanie: I did taste tests when I was in market research, but never mayo. Sad but true. ;)

KM: Join the club! Thanks. :)

Glamis: Oh, I love to stir fry, but yes, there is a lot of chopping there. I just have to play some loud music and whang away as quickly as I can.

Elizabeth: I have no idea why. It's not like I was juggling them.

Christina: I don't, but I absolutely should!

Keri: Thanks, sunshine. :)

Tiny T said...

Thank you again for having us over :) My man doesn't let me use the knives either. Think of my cooking skills and then apply that to sharp and pointy things... Yep. I'm a bad minja.