Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Bring on Those Snexy Tattoos

Tattoos crack me up. My grandfather was a tattooed motorcycle-riding mechanic; his tattoo was done by one of his friends and I never had the heart to tell him that it looked vaguely like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. The fact that it had "Mom" underneath it only made it funnier. My uncle is also a tattooed motorcyclist, but he also happens to be 6'8", and at that height, you can have tattoos of Gumby in drag and I won't make fun of you. Probably the sound would evaporate before it reached your ears anyway.

There was a girl in one of my college dance classes that had this really wonky tattoo that you could see when she wore a leotard. On one breast, she had a full moon. On the other? A howling wolf. I never could get over the fact that her breasts howled at each other. I'm sure everyone in that class thought I was certifiable, because I kept cracking up at random moments.

Slayer and I have been playing Guitar Hero together, which is pretty funny because I have the hands of a seven year old. Seriously, I think someone in the body assemblage plant was cutting their PCP with Clorox, because they made me fairly tall and then gave me tiny little hands and feet. So I can't reach all the buttons on Guitar Hero.

Translation: I suck. Big time.

But we decided that I'd make his rock star, and he'd make mine. So on Guitar Hero, I now wear the most painful-looking pair of Daisy Dukes in the known universe. (I've heard that Daisy Dukes are all the fashion on Betelgeuse 5, though, so I can't prove that.) He has a huge tattoo of a zombie hand in the universal rocking out position on his chest, and a pompadour.

I can't be the only person in the world that thinks that sexy. And snarfy.

Snexy.

18 comments:

K.C. Shaw said...

The pompadour got me. I'm smothering giggles now.

My dad has E=mc2 tattooed on his arm. Yeah, my dad's kind of a geek.

Jamie Eyberg said...

I could never figure out what I wanted on my body for the rest of my life, so I have no tattoo's. My little brother, on the other hand, has a dozen or more and he is a skinny little guy.

Mariah Irvin said...

Snexy. I will go put that word to use immediately!

JaxPop said...

I have a few tattoos - My wife said not so long ago - "Remember when your tattoos looked really good - back when your arms were really big?" (I was a gym rat 'til I ruined my back & elbow tendons) Sucks gettin' old.

Tiny T said...

Snexy! Ha! Worked on this lady the other day that had tattoos all over, felt like they were all looking at me the whole time.

Andrea Cremer said...

Snexy = my new favorite word. Great post!

CKHB said...

There's a book for sale right now that has photos of the WORST TATTOOS EVER. It's like CakeWrecks in tattoo form. It must be seen to be believed.

Personally, I didn't even get my ears pierced until I was 23, so I don't think I'm going to get a tattoo... ever.

Cate Gardner said...

I have an addictive personality. If I got one tattoo a week later I'd want another, a year later I'd be on the freak show circuit.

Natalie said...

I find tattoos fascinating, especially weird ones. I watch LA Ink every week and one time there was this chick who got a giant pumpkin on her chest...snexy.

Anonymous said...

I was in line at a bank the other day and saw a fairly cute chick. She proceeded to reach forward at the teller window to grab a pen, and I saw "Ride It Like You Stole It" across her lower back. No, no, her even LOWER back. Ca-lassy.

candicekennington said...

I know a lot of seven-yr-olds who are pretty dang good at Guitar Hero. Better than me by far!! Maybe you just need to devote several more hours a day to the game. :) Snexy--That word is going into my vocabulary.

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

those howling tatoos are hilarious.

You won an award on my blog. Thought you might want to know. :)

Solvang Sherrie said...

My kids and I have been having fun playing Rock Band together. Only we don't get to create snexy avatars. I guess we need to change games =)

Kelly said...

I love Guitar Hero and Rock Band! I do have a tattoo. But no one can see it, it's on my bum. I'd love to get one on my ankle, but my husband doesn't think they are snexy, so I'm torn!

Natalie L. Sin said...

And yet you won't devote your life to Kishidan, who pomadours have inspired millions.

Verily, you are a mystery wrapped in an enigma.

Nicole said...

I've never been much of a tattoo person, myself. I have a cousin with bear claws on each breast. I always have inappropriate thoughts whenever I see her.

Snexy! Pure freaking genius. Can I get permission to use that in everyday conversation?

It's okay. I suck at Guitar Hero too. We can suck together, then start a club!

mary.whitsell@virgin.net said...

We must come from the same factory! I'm fairly tall too, but my feet are for a little woman. In Japan, I was forever going into shoe stores and having the clerks assure me they'd have nothing in my size -- until they looked at my feet. Until I moved to Japan, I'd always wondered why I was such a klutz: too much stuff balanced on too-small supports...

My kids and I go for paste-on tattoes. We're real wimps. But the wolf howling at the moon would have turned me into a gibbering idiot.

Kate said...

I think your post has taken me to a slightly scary visual place!

Kate x