Wednesday, September 2, 2009

An Ode to the Brain

Will you think I'm weird if I say that I understand where zombies are coming from when it comes to the whole obsessed with brains thing?

I mean weirder than you already think I am. If that's possible.

Because I've been there. I've actually worked at a job where losing a brain was a real problem, because they were delivered to the offices in big boxes by the FedEx guy. And at least once a week, I would go down the hallway in search of a particular brain, hoping against hope that it had arrived. People were clamoring to send me their brains.

I've looked at brains under microscopes and seen shelves filled with brains in containers. I can tell you from experience that they do not put them in little glass jars full of green stuff. They put them in utilitarian white plastic, which makes it a lot easier to sneak them into someone's lunch.

I have never done that. But I thought about it really hard.

So the other day, I started thinking (uh oh!) about why zombies have this thing about brains. Because when you think about it, the brain is kind of like the crab leg of the zombie diet. It takes a lot of work to crack that sucker open. It would be so much easier to become obsessed with, say, eyeballs. Or fingers.

But "iiiiiiii-balllllll!" just doesn't have the same ring to it as "braaaaains!" does it? Plus, it sounds kind of pervy.

Besides, brains have all kinds of punny and word-play-ish possibilities. There's the brain in Spain falling mainly on the plain. You can be insane in the brain, or even inbrain in the sane. There's my personal favorite: no pain, no brain. And Slayer's favorite: no brain, no gain. I could do this all day, you know. Really, we owe zombies an immense amount of gratitude for not becoming obsessed with the xyphoid process. Because really, what fun word games can you play with that?

None, I tell you. None.

It just goes to show that if you're going to become a cannibalistic undead creature, you can at least do the world a service by becoming obsessed with something that has comedic potential.

Zombies. Making the world a better place.

18 comments:

Kelly said...

If I were a zombies, I'd crave eyebrows.
But I think it would be cool and gross if zombies ate toenails too. Like a crunchy cereal with milk!

Kelly said...

And I meant to post, very cool that you are a hands on brainiac. That explains a lot! :)

storyqueen said...

Ah yes, the crab legs of the zombie diet.....let me give that a great big EEEWWWWWW!

Never a dull moment on the blog, let me tell you!

Shelley

Eileen Astels Watson said...

You've totally psyched me out now!

Alan W. Davidson said...

I mean, a nose would be much easier to bite off, correct? But they'd have to eat dozens of those suckers for a proper meal.

Natalie said...

I don't know, I bet you of all people could come up with something fun concerning the xyphoid process. Don't sell yourself short, The Harr.

Laura Eno said...

Never a dull moment here...:)

I must say, I'd never truly thought about it in such depth before. Thank you for enlightening me.

P.S. I'll think of this post every time I eat crab legs, from now on.

Mariah Irvin said...

I hate that I read this while eating my lunch.

Aaron Polson said...

Yay! Brains! I hear they're low in carbs...maybe that's part of the draw. Zombies like it lean and mean.

WV=Fishio...wherefore art thou, Fishio?

Solvang Sherrie said...

I guess I have a fascination with brains too...

My parents have a piece of coral in their family room that is the size and shape of a human brain. I used to love freaking people out by telling them it was a real brain, saved from a patient that died at my dad's hospital. It's amazing what people will believe =)

Natalie L. Sin said...

*LOL* at coral brain : )

ElanaJ said...

I love your last line! That is too funny! And eyeballs would definitely be easier.

PJ Hoover said...

I knew somebody could relate to zombies. And it had to be you :)

Ron Smith aka Prince Balthazar said...

Zombie Lunch.

Sounds like a new punk band

Stephanie Faris said...

You have a strange, strange mind! What fascinating work, though. Looking for lost brains.

Did you see that Man Vs. Wild where Will Ferrell went along with him? Together they ate some animal's eyeball. It was hard to watch.

Tiny T said...

Mmm... Brains, the other white meat.

the epic rat said...

Awesome zombie post! I loved the bit where the brains in Spain falls mainly in the plain! Lucky Spaniard zombies!

vvb32 reads said...

LOL - great brains post!

BTW: you've just been awarded...
http://vvb32reads.blogspot.com/2009/09/zombie-chicken-award.html