Friday, September 12, 2008
I'm trying to decide what kind of superpower I want, because my birthday is coming up in a couple of months and it never hurts to be prepared. Unfortunately, most of the powers out there are made for people who think football is exciting. Personally, I can't get that excited over a ball, because hey, it's something you throw and catch and while that's kinda fun every once in a while it's not something that's going to make me tear my clothes off and go running down the street. Or tear my clothes off and go to a naked party either.
But seriously? Super strength. Super speed. Lightning fast reflexes. Sure, they'd be nice if I couldn't have anything else, but really what fun things can I use them for? I'd never be late to pick up son from the school, and I could carry my twins down to the bus stop with my pinkies, which would make me a big hit at parties, but I'm already a big hit at parties. I can put both of my legs behind my head.
Although I don't do that party trick any more since I did it one time, overbalanced, and fell flat on my nose. I ended up stuck there like an overturned turtle. I was the hit of that party for all the wrong reasons.
Part of me wants something more creative, and part of me just wants to fly. I used to take pilot's lessons way back in the day, because I saw Top Gun one time too many and wanted to be a fighter pilot. Never mind that back in said day, girls weren't allowed to be fighter pilots; I wanted it anyway. So I started taking classes to get my pilot's license. And during the first lesson, my instructor says, "Pull up."
So I did.
And he says, "Pull up some more."
So I did.
This is the part where the plane TURNED OFF. As in, the engines shut off and we start falling out of the sky. This, my friends, is bad. This is what not to do. Falling out of the sky is bad. I read it in my pilot's training book.
So there I am, completely and utterly panicked, and the instructor turns to me and says, "So the lesson here is that you should never pull back that far." And he's giving me this long drawn out lecture about air flow and automatic shut off and all this stuff, but all I'm doing is staring out the window at the ground, because it's getting BIGGER, and that too is bad.
Finally, he shows me how to recover from a stall, and then he makes me climb up in altitude and do it all over again, and it's all I can do to keep from ralphing all over the place.
Maybe I'd better go ahead with the flying thing just in case that ever happens to me again. Although if someone ever tells me to "pull up," I don't care what they're talking about. I'm not doing it.