Thursday, September 11, 2008

Twenty Different Kinds of Wrong

A couple of days ago, I heard something that was wrong with a capital R. And it went something like this:

Woman: Have a good day, lover.

Now, on the surface, this doesn’t seem so bad. Except that she was talking to her son, and said son is about five years old by my estimate.

See what I mean about the wrongness? The wrongocity? The wrongification?

I’m all for nicknames. When I ran an office, I probably could have been sued an average of three times per day simply because I called all of my office staff by fond little nicknames and just couldn’t stop myself. Sunshine, Toots, Chickadee: all of them were fair game. And they called me nicknames, like Goddess of the Database and Oh Captain My Captain. (I didn’t have the heart to tell them that it’s a poem about death; they really did think they were being complimentary.) It was all in good fun. Of course, they might have called me different nicknames when I wasn’t around; I don’t know.

I wonder sometimes how surreal it must be to have me as a boss. I used pull out my comic breakdancing moves to help cheer up my employees when the stress got to them, and then I turned around and taught myself how to diagnose cases of a rare disease because it seemed to me that the manager should know what all of her employees do. I burgeon with contradictions.

Anyway, I call my son a goof-butt when he acts like, well, a goof-butt. But on the other hand, I suggested to Slayer that he stop calling our son “C-Man,” because while his first initial is indeed “C,” the whole thing sounds pretty pervy to me. But calling him “lover”? That squicks me out! And he just nodded like that was normal and told her to have a good day too.

I think I need a brain scrubber.


Anonymous said...

I used to call my son Mr. poopie pants when he was two.

Now he's four, and he says he's too old for me to call him that anymore.

But he still calls me Mr. pepper face, and I'm thirty. what gives?

Wait... was that even relevant to your post? Ohhh, I must have some issues there...

Jamie Eyberg said...

Lover is a creepy nickname to give your kids. I don't care how old they are.

Aaron Polson said...


(that's about all I can say)


"Lover" is for, well you know what.

Carrie Harris said...

Jeremy, you do know that every time I see a post from you from now on, I will automatically think: Mr. Pepper Face. So I think it's only fair to tell you that my closest friend calls me Posh Spice.

Don't ask. :)

Jamie and Aaron, you have no idea how much I agree with you. Ick.

Linda D. (sbk) said...

I've heard that nickname before too and it totally creeped me out. Same sort of situation - a mom at my daughter's gymnastics called her 5 year old son 'lover' all the time. I had to stop sitting with her. I just couldn't take it anymore.

What are these women thinking? Seriously!

PJ Hoover said...

Yeah, and I'd opt to change the C-man thing also.

Ello - Ellen Oh said...

Why would they do that? I don't understand. That is so bizarre. I have never heard that and I hope I never do. I would have to ask why and the expression on my face would not be good.

Most people like to call me that B word that rhymes with itch. Right to my face. It always surprises me when random strangers I might have pisse off just happen to know my nickname. And I say, Hey that's my nickname don't wear it out!

Cate Gardner said...

If anyone calls my niece anything but her given name she goes for them... :) We hve feral genes.

Carrie Harris said...

Linda, I'm not sure if I'm relieved that I'm not living in the Twilight Zone or dismayed that more than one person thinks this is acceptable.

Although, like PJ said, it's also funny. Sad funny, but still funny.

Ello, I'm very upset now. You stole my nickname. ;)

And Cate, it's good to know that you have feral genes. I promise not to give you a nickname now!

Laini Taylor said...

I didn't see it, but I think there was a creepy movie where Kyra Sedgewick called her young son "loverboy" -- I think it might have been called Loverboy, and was about what a freako mom she was. Only saw the trailer, though. I'm all for weird nicknames, but that's potentially, umm, damaging.

Carrie Harris said...

I like Kyra Sedgewick a lot, but still... that's just wrong.

Brenda said...

OMG...I can't imagine calling my son "loverboy"...yuck...

My nickname growing up was cousin couldn't say Brenda...I guess it could have been worse, my sister's nickname was TaDoDo (her name is Tammy)...not sure how that happened...grin..

Carrie Harris said...

Yeah, Brenda, I think kid mispronounciations are a different thing entirely. My twins can't pronounce big brother's name, so it comes out kind of like "Caca." But it's just baby talk, so that doesn't bother me so much.

TaDoDo, though, is just plain silly. :)

Tabitha said...


I can't even imagine calling either of my sons that. That's just gross. Blech. Okay, gotta think about something else...