Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Carrie's Snarfalicious Marching Band

I really wish I could be in marching band again. I loved being in the band. I loved the incessant practices. I loved the plumes on our caps that looked like Big Bird's privates. I loved wearing dickies. I particularly loved the time when we marched two miles uphill (you think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not) to get to a parade, and then when the parade finally started, I fainted right in the middle of the street. This may have something to do with the fact that my drums weighed about 3/4 of what I weighed. (Again, not kidding. How in the bleep did I make it that far?)

I miss playing "Gonna Make You Sweat," because C & C Music Factory are unrecognized musical geniuses. I miss the solo in "Wipeout" because it made me feel kewl when I most definitely was not. (Although I did not get the traditional dumpster slide initiation common to all freshmen percussion line members, because I picked the biggest, scariest senior and started flirting with him. Because I am smart with a capital MA.)

So I'm going to start my own marching band. I'm going to play snare drum, because really it's my only chance. I played quads because I'm REALLY left handed and couldn't play a right-handed snare part if someone held a squirt gun full of pate to my head. My right hand rides the short bus. Anyway, I'm the snare. Batman will play the quads, because then I can stand next to him and admire his eyebrows. Richard Simmons gets to play the cymbals, because that would be funny.

I'm going to find the Shaved Sasquatch to play the tuba, because it just seems to be fitting. The Teletubbies will play the la-la out of the flute. Pampire is going to play the trumpet, because that girl can blow. And Zom Cruise is going to be our field conductor. If he does a good job, I'll get him a couch to jump on.

But the real question is, who should be in our dance squad? They'd better look good in pigtails and go go boots, because ALL dance squads should have pigtails and go go boots. (Ahem. I HONESTLY accidentally typed ho ho boots. Whoopsie.)

12 comments:

Jamie Eyberg said...

I want to dress like Kiss from the glory days and play slide trombone in the band.

Bryan B. said...

Hey, you can still wear Dickies with a plume and go marching around Michigan if you want.

I'm just saying.

K.C. Shaw said...

I played French horn in our marching band. Yeah, the French horn is SO a marching band instrument. We actually played these big oversized trumpet things that had the same fingering as the horn. I hated them, so I'm sorry, I can't be in your marching band--but I'd be part of the flag corps! I always envied them.

Two words for the dancers: Spice Girls.

Hanna Banana said...

OMG!! Spice Girls! Perfect!

I always wanted to play the tuba but unfortunately the tuba was as tall as I was, weighed just as much if not more and I couldn't make a sound come out of it. Totally SUCKED.

Lady Glamis said...

I was one of the nerds and played the clarinet...

I never fainted, but came close. Our outfits were heavy black wool with mushroom-looking hats. I really don't miss it at all. I even hate parades now. All those memories...

But I dated a drummer in band. I never did understand how he kept all those rhythms straight. You're talented. :)

adrienne said...

How 'bout the Jonas Brothers? They don't seem to mind humiliating themselves.

slhastings said...

I'm so in the dance squad....but only if I can do Patrick Dempsey's dance from Can't Buy Me Love.

Kelly said...

Justin Timberlake should be a dancer! He was on SNL in leotards and heels. And he can dance!

Vivi Alden said...

Man, I was never in band. I feel so left out!

I think you should get all the daytime TV judges to be your dancers. Judge Judy, Judge Alex, Judge Whoppner. (I don't know why, it just struck me as a good idea.)

Natalie L. Sin said...

Your dance squad question greatly saddens me. Clearly you have not been giving my blog the close attention it so richly deserves. Korean Boy Bands are the best dancers ever and look ADORABLE in pig tails.

I'm glad we've cleared that up ; )

beckycc said...

Carrie ... loved your post. I'm the proud mother of two - count 'em - two tuba players. My current YA manuscript is set in the world of marching band.

Did you guys see the blind marching band in Ohio? I have a link to the video on my blog. Amazing ...

http://tinyurl.com/795ue7

Becky

Big Plain V said...

Hey Bryan. Did you hear that? Carrie plays drums. You know what that means.