I really wish I could be in marching band again. I loved being in the band. I loved the incessant practices. I loved the plumes on our caps that looked like Big Bird's privates. I loved wearing dickies. I particularly loved the time when we marched two miles uphill (you think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not) to get to a parade, and then when the parade finally started, I fainted right in the middle of the street. This may have something to do with the fact that my drums weighed about 3/4 of what I weighed. (Again, not kidding. How in the bleep did I make it that far?)
I miss playing "Gonna Make You Sweat," because C & C Music Factory are unrecognized musical geniuses. I miss the solo in "Wipeout" because it made me feel kewl when I most definitely was not. (Although I did not get the traditional dumpster slide initiation common to all freshmen percussion line members, because I picked the biggest, scariest senior and started flirting with him. Because I am smart with a capital MA.)
So I'm going to start my own marching band. I'm going to play snare drum, because really it's my only chance. I played quads because I'm REALLY left handed and couldn't play a right-handed snare part if someone held a squirt gun full of pate to my head. My right hand rides the short bus. Anyway, I'm the snare. Batman will play the quads, because then I can stand next to him and admire his eyebrows. Richard Simmons gets to play the cymbals, because that would be funny.
I'm going to find the Shaved Sasquatch to play the tuba, because it just seems to be fitting. The Teletubbies will play the la-la out of the flute. Pampire is going to play the trumpet, because that girl can blow. And Zom Cruise is going to be our field conductor. If he does a good job, I'll get him a couch to jump on.
But the real question is, who should be in our dance squad? They'd better look good in pigtails and go go boots, because ALL dance squads should have pigtails and go go boots. (Ahem. I HONESTLY accidentally typed ho ho boots. Whoopsie.)