Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Things That Make Me Snarf - Ninja Auditions

Most people don't have what it takes to be a ninja. Don't believe me? Apparently, these dodos auditioned for a part as a ninja in a commercial or something.



My favorite is the "What kind of wood is this?" guy. Listen, dude. Whatever kind it is, it's stronger than you.

All of this made me think. I'm always talking about vampires, werewolves, and zombies in Hollywood. But what about the ninjas? I'm short on the ninja love (oh ee oh ee oh... I think I wanna know ya!).

Sorry. I just flashed back to that song by Morris Day and the Time.

So, without further ado, I give you five Hollywood ninjas that would make me snarf. And not always in a good way.

1. Richard Simmons. Because Sweating to the Oldies Ninjastyle is pure genius. "Ninjas, you are FAAAAT!"

2. Paris Hilton. Because ninjas are HOT. That, and I wouldn't mind seeing her get beaten up.

3. Carrot Top. Can you imagine catching him in your house and ripping his cowl off?

4. Zom Cruise. Forget the lawn flamingos. He'd be the ninja with a couch fetish.

5. Christopher Walken. Because really, I think he should be in EVERYTHING. Every movie needs a Walken cameo. Walken as Scarlett O'Hara. Walken as ET. Walken as the ninja.

I like Walken almost as much as I like ninjas. Maybe I'll send him some of my spare socks.

15 comments:

Brenda said...

LOL...that was so funny...I love how most of them didn't even hit their target and they ended up on the floor...

I hope the real Ninja's show them the what for...

Bryan B. said...

Martial arts and writing really seem similar to me right about now...

K. M. Walton said...

Those men were completely clueless and completely hilarious. We have a snow day here, so my 7 year old laughed his behind off at that video.

Big Plain V said...

Christopher Walken as a ninja. That'd be awesome. I bet he wouldn't change his voice either (cuz he really only has the one voice).

"You really leave me no choice but to slit your throat. You know that don't you?"

Natalie L. Sin said...

You love ninjas like I love Shaolin monks! Only I don't want to bone Shaolin monks ; )

Carrie Harris said...

Brenda: I think the real ninjas are too busy rolling around on the floor laughing their black-clad butts off.

Bryan: People who are bad at writing fall down a lot?

KM: Rightfully so. I laughed my behind off too.

BPV: Of course he wouldn't change his voice. That's part of the loveliness that is Walken.

Natalie: That's probably a good thing, sunshine. ;)

Vivi Alden said...

*snort!* Okay, I love the dude with the nunchucks. He falls on his head but still keeps swinging them like he's going to recover. "Nah, I'm cool, it's all good, no prob--oh, crap I'm on the floor."

Bryan B. said...

No, there are people who really are into martial arts (and writing) who try to do things like kick an apple off a dummy's head (or submit the 1st draft of their first novel) and expect good things to happen...

Jamie Eyberg said...

I haven't laughed that hard all day. I think it might have loosened my new filling.

sruble said...

The ninjas appear to have balance problems. hahahaha My favorite on your list is the Carrot Top ninja. Juat thinking about that cracks me up.

Mariah Irvin said...

Okay...I found something you're going to love!!! Or find extremely creepy, I'm not exactly sure. Anyways, go to http://stardoll.girlsgogames.com/en/dolls.php?id=322&ref=www.girlsgogames.com and you can play dress-up with Zom Cruise!

Tiny T said...

See real ninjas would not audition... They would take over the acting company and infiltrate as actors/actresses.

From my man: http://www.transformersfans.com/wp-content/uploads/windowslivewriterchristopherwalkenbuildingoptimusprime-8c9awalken-prime1.jpg

Scillius Maximus said...

Carrie (from your response to Brenda): Actually, we were cringing because every few months or so one of those guys shows up at the Dojo.

They try to demo their 'mad skills' or their 'kung fu beads' and all we can think about is if this is going to be covered under the insurance policy.

Christina Farley said...

I love ninjas! We visited a castle in Japan that was supposedly ninja proof. I think I might post some pictures on my blog soon about it. You've inspired me!

Carrie Harris said...

Vivi: Yeah, but he fell in a macho way, didn't he? Or at least he tried to.

Bryan: Yeah, I know what you mean. They're all idiots. :)

Jamie: I'm sorry to have compromised your dental health. I know a good ninja dentist if you need one.

sruble: Maybe they all had inner ear infections. And yeah, the Carrot Top mental picture is hilarious, isn't it?

Mariah: SNARF. Okay, I do love it, but it's also creepy with a capital EEP.

Tiny T: That's a good point. I'd say something else about it, but I'm too busy giggling at that link.

Scillius: Good point. But I'm sure you snarf at them after the fact, right?

Christina: Wow. My ninja fetish is inspirational. I'm glad to know it's good for something!