Most people don't have what it takes to be a ninja. Don't believe me? Apparently, these dodos auditioned for a part as a ninja in a commercial or something.
My favorite is the "What kind of wood is this?" guy. Listen, dude. Whatever kind it is, it's stronger than you.
All of this made me think. I'm always talking about vampires, werewolves, and zombies in Hollywood. But what about the ninjas? I'm short on the ninja love (oh ee oh ee oh... I think I wanna know ya!).
Sorry. I just flashed back to that song by Morris Day and the Time.
So, without further ado, I give you five Hollywood ninjas that would make me snarf. And not always in a good way.
1. Richard Simmons. Because Sweating to the Oldies Ninjastyle is pure genius. "Ninjas, you are FAAAAT!"
2. Paris Hilton. Because ninjas are HOT. That, and I wouldn't mind seeing her get beaten up.
3. Carrot Top. Can you imagine catching him in your house and ripping his cowl off?
4. Zom Cruise. Forget the lawn flamingos. He'd be the ninja with a couch fetish.
5. Christopher Walken. Because really, I think he should be in EVERYTHING. Every movie needs a Walken cameo. Walken as Scarlett O'Hara. Walken as ET. Walken as the ninja.
I like Walken almost as much as I like ninjas. Maybe I'll send him some of my spare socks.