Things That Make Me Snarf - Covers

This week's snarftastic webpage is really REALLY inappropriate. Please do not open when there are children around and then come after me with a blowtorch and some really smelly cheese with veins in it. I cannot stand stinky cheese. Stinky cheese equals torture in my book, only not really, because I don't think I referred to stinky cheese in my last book. Lima beans, yes. Stinky cheese no. Must get on that. (Makes mental note.)

Anyway, it's all about inappropriate children's book covers this week. Many make me snarf and some make me wince and a couple made me almost tinkle.

Actually, that was a lie. I just like to say the word "tinkle."

So here it is.

And this makes me think about YA book covers, because hey, I write YA and am apparently really self-centered when it comes to blogging. Really, I need an attitude adjustment, but my friend the chiropractor is always so busy when he comes down to see us.

Now, there's been a lot of talk about the headlessness of YA book covers lately. You can check out some prime examples of these covers, complete with snarftastic commentary here, but for those of you who just can't stand the separation anxiety related to leaving The Wonder That Is My Blog, I'll tell you about it.

Next time you're in the bookstore, head to YA and peruse the headnessness. Because there are umpteen covers that look like they hired me as the photographer: all the heads are cut off the cover models. Which kinda makes me wonder why they hired models, but anyway. This trend is evolving, too, because now it's a bunch of headless, legless girls with impossibly perky behinds.

And this above all scares me. Because the headless and legless girls are going to take over the world. It's inevitable, because we all know about teens and peer pressure, right? And if you're a teenager and you read about someone uber cool in a book and want to be all like them, and then you look at the cover to see that they're headless and legless? It's a foregone conclusion. Off with their heads (and legs)!

Now, the logical question is how to fend off the headless and legless hordes while they're chasing people around and pelting them with cherries. The best news about this is that they obviously can't run very fast. So in the absence of anything else, climb a tree or something; just don't fall out of it like our neighbor kid did. She ended up with three pins in her arm, the poor thing, and if the headless and legless hordes were there she would have been totally SOL. I was thinking that stinky cheese might work, but something tells me that their sense of smell might not be the best.

Y'know, with them missing their heads and all.

So apparently they're unstoppable. All of you with cherry allergies better run for the hills. Forget zombies. I'm afraid of the headless and legless hordes. When they come, please remember that I told you so.