Things That Make Me Snarf - Impressions

And now, for another exciting episode of... THINGS THAT MAKE ME SNARF!

And in today's episode, our young(ish) heroine snarfs Diet Dr. Pepper out her nose due to exposure to this:

I don't know what it is about impressions, but I've always loved them. And after seeing this, I love Kevin Spacey even more than I did before. I think I might have to be in Club Kevin, even if he doesn't have any scruff.

This reminds me of a guy I used to know who did some spot-on impressions. He was particularly good at Christopher Walken, and he used to tell a really twisted joke about a psychotic clown in his Walkenvoice. I wish I could tell it on the blog, but it's one of those things that is ONLY funny if it's told in Walkenvoice, and the only voices I can do are Strongbad and Valley Girl. Although it might be funny to hear me TRY to tell a joke in Walkenvoice... but don't hold your breath for it because you'll probably pass out and then you'll miss out on the wonder that is my blog.

Anyway, I met the impressions guy at a theater party. My closest friend asked me to go with her, and I have to say that if you've never been to a theater party, you've missed out on some very traumatic experiences. Now, my friend was the only person I knew at this party, right? And when we got there, everyone was naked.

Yup. Buck freaking naked.

Now, this was where my problems started, because I was obviously mortified to be one of the two clothed people in the house (my friend was the other one). To make matters worse, I couldn't remember anyone's name. Because, see, I'm one of those people who associates names with physical features. Usually, it's an article of clothing that works for me, so I remember that Rita's in the red shirt or whathaveyou.

You can begin to understand my dilemma. Yes, I could in fact resort to remembering that John had a mole on his behind, but that would necessitate looking at said behind and I was making every effort to keep my focus at chin height or higher. This was somewhat complicated by the fact that people kept hopping up on tables to dance, but in situations like that it's the thought that counts. And besides, remembering John's butt mole was not going to help me when I met him again later and he was hopefully clothed. I very distinctly remember thinking that the next time I hung out with these people I was going to need to ask them to drop trou, take a look, and then go: "OOOH! You're Fred! I recognize you!" After that, I got the uncontrollable giggles and we ended up having to go outside to get some fresh, non-naked air.

Shortly thereafter, the impressions guy came outside, and I'm pretty sure he was naked, but the impressions were so good that I didn't care. And then a bunch of other naked people came outside and started climbing trees. The night went downhill from there. Seriously. We had to leave because otherwise my psyche was going to be irrevocably damaged.

But he sure did some good impressions. They were enough to make me forget the nakedness, and that's pretty impressive.