Things That Make Me Snarf - Steampunk LOLcats

This video puts me in the mood to make more lolzombies, but I think I've run out of dance movies. (For you newbie types, I made a bunch of lolzombies based on dance movies. Because haven't you always wanted to see a lol version of Dirty Dancing with zombies? I know I have.) So I need a new theme. I shall think on this, and you shall think on this, and hopefully no one's brain will explode. But in the meantime, enjoy THIS!

My Most Horrifying Experience EVAR

Warning that this entry is PG-13 for mind-numbingly embarrassing situations involving my mother.

This weekend, we had Scillius Maximus over for a game night. I love game nights. Game nights are totally SKULL. (And skulls = awesome, just in case you missed that.) But this weekend's game night reminded me of the most uncomfortable experience I have ever had, and I'm going to compound the discomfort by telling you all about it.

Freud would have a field day.

So here's the deal. Slayer and I were at my mom's house shortly after the Batson was born, and we'd brought along a new board game called ZINGERS. As far as I can tell, they don't make this game anymore, which is a pity. The concept's pretty simple: one person is the judge, and they randomly pick cards with a person and a situation. Everyone else has a bunch of cards with one liners, and they pick the funniest zinger for the situation.

For example, I might be the judge, and I'd pick Michael Jackson, and the situation: "You are shopping with _____, and he/she realizes their wallet is missing. He/she turns to you and says..." And you have to come up with the best one-liner for the situation from whatever you've got in your hand. If you've ever played APPLES TO APPLES, it's the same general idea, only with witty one liners.

With me so far? This is a long setup, but the humiliation is ohsoworthit.

So we were playing Zingers with my mom and her boyfriend, and I was the judge. And I ended up with THIS HORRIFYING CARD COMBO: "You're in the basement watching an adult film with YOUR MOM, and it turns out that she's in the movie! She turns to you and says..."

And I had to read this out loud. I know for a fact that my entire face was beat red, including my ears. Mom wasn't much better. But it got worse when my lovely husband played the following one-liner:

TASTES LIKE CHICKEN.

I'm still traumatized.

How to Say Thank You in Carrieland

I hate buying thank you gifts, don't you? I think my problem is that the choices range from generic to genericker. Flowers? Meh. Candy? Double meh. WHERE IS THE EXCITEMENT? WHERE IS THE EXPLODING CANNON OF AWESOME THAT SPEWS STREAMERS INTO THE AIR PRINTED WITH THE PHRASE, "THANK YOU! PLEASE COVER YOUR EYES TO PROTECT THEM FROM ACCIDENTAL INJURY!"?

The world needs that cannon. *I* need that cannon.

Or so I thought. But this week, I got two thank you gifts that will never be beaten from my pseudo nieces. (You know what I mean, right? I'm talking about those people who you call family but are fortunate enough not to share your genetics.) My pseudo nieces got me the COOLEST THANK YOU GIFTS EVER.

Because really, nothing says thank you like a big old packet of zombie blood.

Thank you for everything you do, and for... erg... graaagh... BRAAAINS!

And then? THEN I got the thing that left me speechless. Nothing says thank you like "I made you this zombie penguin at school and my teacher almost referred me for psychiatric counseling."

How do you spell thank you? Z-O-M-B-I-E-S-H-O-P-P-R-O-J-E-C-T-S!

That's right. Pinprick, my stuffed zombie penguin, now has a girlfriend. Zombie penguins in love...isn't it CUTE?

So thank you, pseudo nieces, for the awesomest thank you gifts EVER. Those are even better than the cannon. Srsly.

Things That Make Me Snarf - Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions

Good morning/afternoon/whenever the bleep you read this! It was a crazy weekend here at Chez Harris--my daughters turned four. It seems like only yesterday they were babies, and now they're pulling the screws out of bedroom door hinges with their hands...

Anyway. I'm still recovering from the explosion of pink things in my household. So while I go put a cold compress on my forehead, let me entertain you with a video full of explosions. Because everyone knows that explosions are KEWL.

Holidays with the Hoff

You can blame the following post on my friend Tiny T. She started it.

So. Holidays are just around the corner, and we all know what that means--Carrie starts suggesting strange things for you to buy. And today, we're looking at themed products for the people you love (or secretly hate). Today we're talking about HOFF THEMED GIFTS.

Because really, nothing says I love you like a hot water bottle with the Hoff's face on it.

I hope that cover is washable. (My kids tend to throw up in their sleep.)
Don't use a hot water bottle? It's okay. Everyone uses SOAP, right? It's a very soothing activity, right? You just go to the sink, and turn on the warm water, and then you reach for the soap...

I can think of nothing to say about this that isn't perverted.

But I think the best Hoff product EVER is this:
My awesomeness speaks for itself.

I'd like to make one of these and send it around a la Flat Stanley. If only I knew people crazy enough to do that...

Nicknames

Nicknames have been on my mind lately. There are a lot of reasons for this:

• My son recently proclaimed that his nickname is Luke. His name isn't Lucas or Luccio or anything vaguely Luke-like. Why Luke? I think he thinks he might trick the Universe (or us) into providing a lightsaber.
  
• We had to come up with nicknames for the Class of 2k11. Mine? I'm the Zombie Master. It was either that or Resident Lunatic.
  
• I'm writing a book now that involves lots of roller derby girls. I've been brainstorming derby names for about a year now and it still hasn't gotten old. (Normally it takes me only about six months to write a book, but I've gotten pulled off onto other projects.) Brainstorming derby names is one of the funnest things EVER. If I were a derby girl, I think I'd be Carrie Go Round.

Am I the only person who obsesses about things like this? Am I the only one out there who has picked out a derby name? And if you tell me yours, will you mind if I appropriate it and put it into a book? Because I just might do that...

Things That Make Me Snarf - Shower Products for Men

This week's Thing That Makes Me Snarf comes courtesy of Allie and friends over at Hyperbole and a Half. If you're not sure what to buy your guy friends for Christmas, look no further. Because I've gotcher gift ideas right here.