Query Ninja - Da Rulz

Welcome to the awesomeness that is Query Ninja. (See how modest I am?) There are plenty of people out there in the webverse that are giving free query assistance, and I think it's pretty safe to say that most if not all are better qualified than me. But, and this is a big BUT, I think there's one thing that I can bring to the table that most people don't. And it's this:

Queries can be fun.

Quit laughing at me, because I'm quite serious. You argue that queries are a whole heckload of work, and this is true, but so's writing a book. And if you're crazy enough to think THAT is fun, then you're only a Froot Loop away from enjoying the wonder that is querydom. That's where Query Ninja comes in. Starting tomorrow, we're going to critique queries submitted by readers of The Wonder That Is My Blog. The first one will be from Super-Brave Mercedes (and you must refer to her by her full name if you mention her in the comments). However, in the interest of FUN, I've MadLibbed the query. The structure of the letter is the same; I didn't change sentence structure or add or remove anything. But I did replace a bunch of nouns and adjectives that describe her book and background. In other words, do not think she is insane for writing a YA book about Teletubbies, because I replaced all those words to make it silly. We're going to be critiquing the structure of the query itself and not the topic of the book.

And I know I don't have to say this, but I'm going to be thorough: laughing at queries does not translate to poking fun at the people who have put their all into writing them. In no way do I intend any insult to Super-Brave Mercedes or anyone else nutso enough to submit a query for Query Ninja. I'm just trying to have a little fun with it. Furthermore, I have never deleted a comment on this blog (except for blog spam), but I will if someone insults our Ukes (although I know you won't).

Uke = training partner in ninja-speak. So Super-Brave Mercedes will be the first Uke for Query Ninja.

And if you're not a writer? I still hope you'll read and chime in on the conversation. Writing queries uses a lot of the same skills as writing a cover letter for a resume, and that's something you'll need to do eventually unless you plan on moving to a commune and selling yak butter for a living, in which case you won't need a cover letter and could probably get away with not bathing ever again too. You can't say, "I am awesome; buy my book!" in a query; nor can you say, "I am awesome; hire me!" in a cover letter.

Well, you COULD, but I doubt anyone would actually do it.