I've been doing a little reading on demonology for my latest book. And really, when you're learning about supernatural creatures, there's one question you've got to ask yourself: How would I protect myself if a bunch of these freakos invaded my house?
For example, our Merpire Invasion Plan (MIP!) is fairly simple. I grab the kids while Slayer stakes the merpires with frozen fishsticks. Our Vampire Invasion Plan (VIP!) is just as easy: I grab the kids while Slayer impales the bloodsuckers with a lawn flamingo.
I'm actually a little upset about these plans, because Slayer gets to do all the fun stuff. But I figure he'll let me have a little flamingo-slash-fishstick action once the real danger is over and done with, so I guess that's okay.
But I've run into a problem re: demons. Because when one is fighting a demon, it's handy to have a holy object, right? And the only holy object I own is Ramrod the Holy Toaster.
This is a problem.
See, I'm totally safe when it comes to an attack by demonic Pop Tarts. I'm your girl when the Evil Bread comes to take your soul. Beezelbub's Bagels aren't frightening to me; I'll toast the bleep out of them. But when it comes to an attack of the non-grain-based demons, I'm kind of in trouble. I guess I could throw Ramrod at them. I could swing him around by his cord and use him as a holy, crumb-covered flail.
But that would probably crush Ramrod, and then what would I do if a Luciferian Eggo attacked?