Monday, February 23, 2009

Baby Sniffers Anonymous

We're back! Indiana is still standing. Relatively unscathed, even.

On the trip, Scillius Maximus the Great (fo' shizzle) pointed out something to me, and I feel strongly compelled to share it all with you. Picture me standing up at a podium and speaking into one of those microphones with annoyingly loud feedback:

"My name is Carrie. I'm addicted to new baby smell. I was new baby smell free for about six months, but I fell off the wagon this weekend, and I'm so ashamed. And will someone fix this damned microphone before I commit seppuku? That whine is TRES annoying."

I really did fall off the wagon. We saw some of our closest friends this weekend; I'm talking the kinds of friends that you call brother and sister even though you're probably more like seven-hundredth cousins. (Because we're all related in some way, if you think about it. Which means that I am related to Richard Simmons. I'm strangely pleased by that. Amusedly pleased, but pleased nonetheless.) Anyway, I also got to hold my new "nephew" (i.e., seven-hundredth-and-first cousin... or should that be seven-hundred-and-oneth?). And then I got off the wagon and smelled the new baby smell again. (There's no reason for these parentheses; I just decided that if I was going to go for parenthetic overkill, I might as well do it up right.)

So there I am, sniffing the baby, when I realize that people are starting to look at me funny. But I can't help it; there's nothing like the smell of a new baby. Let me rephrase: a CLEAN new baby. There's nothing like the smell of a CLEAN new baby.

And now I'm hooked again. We're going to the grocery store, and mid-morning on Mondays is usually a good time for New Mommy Grocerification. I predict that we're going to see a lot of new babies. So if you're having a bad day, I invite you to amuse yourself by imagining me getting ousted from the grocery store for baby sniffing.

Someone should try and bottle that stuff. But don't look at me; I'm already going to be thrown out for sniffing the babies. I'd hate to imagine what they'd do to me if I said I was trying to bottle their smell.

16 comments:

Scillius Maximus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Scillius Maximus said...

Well Carrie, it was a little obvious:

You lean in. Sniff. Head rocks back. Eyes roll up into your head. Drool starts to form. You slowly mumble "new baby smell". And then your tongue hangs out while you make a gurgling sound.

You know, a classic Homer Simpson doing a "Donut". Kind of hard to miss. :-)

JaxPop said...

I should probably not read your blog at work. Baby sniffing addiction - I NEVER HAD THAT PROBLEM - which is how I managed to raise 2 kids but inly changed diapers probably 3 times in my life!

But what made me laugh out loud with a bunch of construction guys lurking nearby??? Lemme think - Being related to Richard Simmons? Seven-hundred-and oneth? Parenthetic overkill? Grocerfication? All of the above.

Too Funny. DE

Aaron Polson said...

New baby smell easily trumps old baby smell.

(solid food=yikes)

Kelly said...

You baby sniffer you! I love smelling my kids hair when it is just washed. I also always sniff kiss them (give them a sniff when I kiss them).
Hmmmm, does this also mean you are pondering a new baby ninja addition to your family?

PJ Hoover said...

Oooh, I'll have to go sniff some babies!

Lady Glamis said...

I first thought when I read the title of your blog post that you meant sniffing babies bums to find out if they have a dirty diaper or not. I do that all the time... but it's not fun. And I don't like the smell. At all. Especially when you find the child that has the poopy diaper. I did this a lot when I was a helper in our church nursery. :)

But I have to agree. New baby smell is wonderful!

Natalie L. Sin said...

I may never be hungry again.

You wacky parents and your infant-lust : )

Suzanne Casamento said...

I think Natalie and I are on the same page. Maybe I just don't spend enough (read=any) time with babies, but I just don't get it.

I'd rather sniff a cheeseburger.

Mariah Irvin said...

New baby smell ranks with old book smell...awesome! I should join book sniffers anonymous 'cuz maybe that would at least explain why people stare at me when I enter libraries. I can seriously tell a good book from a bad one by the page smell...maybe 'cuz bad ones are sometimes called stinkers!

Brenda said...

I have a friend who thought her baby clock was ticking too fast, and she decided to "trick it"...so she would put baby lotion on everything...she even kept a little container with baby lotion in it so she could get that smell whenever she wanted to...it was funny when she finally did have a baby of her own, she found out that babies don't always smell that good...grin...

Vivi Alden said...

Okay, do you do this a lot? Cuz when my son was a newborn, I had a woman approach me at the grocery store and ask to smell him. I'm not kidding. Do you wear highwater pants and mismatched socks when you go on these baby smelling expeditions? If so, I believe we've met (and sorry about the stink eye...I was sleep deprived).

Keri Mikulski said...

Love new baby smell too! :)

Solvang Sherrie said...

I do like CLEAN new baby smell. Too bad they don't stay new babies long enough...

beth said...

I have never been big on smells...just not one of my things. But I DID have a roommate who would sneak into bookstores, pick up the biggest books in the store just for the joy of cracking their spines open and sniffing the crack. Which sounds oddly gross and disturbing now that I write it out.

Carrie Harris said...

Scillius: Carrie is to new baby smell like Homer is to donuts, huh? I predict that this question will eventually be on the SAT.

JaxPop: Well, if the construction guys look at you funny, you could always try to act it out so that they can fully understand the humor. Actually, I'd pay money to see a dramatic rendition of that entry in front of a bunch of construction guys. :)

Aaron: Oh, let's not even go there.

Kelly: Why ponder a new addition when I can sniff other people's babies? I'm a ninja, after all. A baby ninja who can't really do anything cool, but it's the label that counts.

PJ: HAH! I'm glad I'm not the only one!

Glamis: Yeah, that's definitely the flip side of the coin, and not by any stretch of the imagination one of my favorite activities. Whoa! Convoluted sentence alert!

Natalie: See? My blog also functions as a diet aid. I should see if I can get approved by the FDA.

Suzanne: See, for me that's just as freaky. Someone putting their face in my plate and smelling my food.

Mariah: Snarf. I've never been much of a book smeller, but I do like hearing a new binding crack. I don't know why.

Brenda: See, baby lotion is a different smell than new baby smell. I use baby lotion a lot because evidently I'm not mature enough for the big kid stuff yet. (Seriously.) And it's different somehow.

Vivi: Hey, it was laundry day. So sue me. ;)

Keri: See? You, me, and PJ should start a club.

Sherrie: Yes, there is that. Which is why I'm now smelling other people's babies. :)

Beth: Yes, when you put it like that, it sounds positively pervy. But funny at the same time, so that's okay.