Tuesday, April 21, 2009

It's All About Me

I've been getting more and more blog visitors from wonked out Google searches. In the past, I've listed off some of these search topics and responded to them individually, because I am all about the public service. And zombies. And secret ninja handshakes.

You know, the important stuff in life.

I save the best Google search topics in a little folder, and when I opened it last night, I realized that it was time for a little soul searching. All this time, I've been focused on what these search topics say about YOU. But it's time to evaluate what they say about ME.

It's frightening, really. Why? Well, get a load of the search topics that have recently led people to my blog:

Vampire mouth jumper
Jon Lovitz hand gesture
Mighty eyebrows
Carrie ho in boots
Could vampires be really, honestly?
Underwear dog biscuits
Pervy madlibs
The army of snarf
Things you need to be Batman
Boob door knocker
Weird eyebrow song thing
What does it mean to be a freelance ninja?
Mummies, werewolves, vampire, and zombies who am I?
And I want M&M in my dressing room. But no red ones. Pick out the red ones.

After carefully evaluating this material, I have concluded that I am a complete wackjob. Because really, what other conclusion is there? I'm a mouth jumping, ho booted, freelance ninja with mighty eyebrows that has a supernatural creature-related identity crisis, but deals with it by pretending to be Batman and avoiding red M&Ms, all while installing door knockers on her knockers and making hand gestures while eating dog biscuits made out of underwear?

Like I said: wackjob.

So here are some haiku reviews from the wackjob.

What I Saw and How I Lied
Fabulous setting
Even though I figured out
The twist way early

The Thirteenth House
This is brain candy
But made for recovering
D&D players

Bog Child
Full of Irish slang
That I couldn't comprehend
The story rocks anyway

Grave Sight
Girl can find the dead
And see their last few moments
But can't get a date

22 comments:

beth said...

LOVE haiku reviews!

Hmm...I've been meaning to read the first one, and since I'm notoriously slow, I bet I won't figure out the twist.

LOL @ last review!

Catherine J Gardner said...

Things you need to be Batman - answer: eyebrows.

Barry Napier said...

Boob door knockers...classic!

Mary Witzl said...

The last tıme I checked my site meter, I found that a lot of people visited my blog after googling 'can you eat slugs?' Nice, huh? I'd rather be an expert on Batman's eyebrows; it seems more genteel.

(MaryWitzl from VK's...I've messed up my google account thing yet again...)

Scillius Maximus said...

Two Questions --

1.An If/Than Question: If we have "Carrie Ho in Boots" Than what is Slayer wearing?

2. How does one join the army of snarf?

Aaron Polson said...

oooo...Vampire Mouth Jumper. That could be a stort story.

Jamie Eyberg said...

Drawing from all corners of the world of weird. Still an inspiration to us all.

Kelly said...

I thoroughly enjoy your wackjob posts!

Lady Glamis said...

And this is why we love you, Carrie!

Natalie said...

Wackjob, yes, but a cute wackjob;) Anyone who makes little ninja dolls must be my friend, so...I guess I'm a wackjob too. Sweet.

PJ Hoover said...

Love your Haiku reviews as always!

Horror Girl said...

I've never heard of this "snarf" that there is apparently an army of. I am intrigued.

Kiersten said...

But you didn't answer the question!

Could vampires be really, honestly?

Well, could they?!?

And can I please join the Army of Snarf?

I just get hits for "i think my fallopian tube burst and i'm bleeding internally." In which case, GO TO THE HOSPITAL. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. But read some of my posts first, because they're funny. And then stop by Carrie's blog for a while, because it's even funnier. After that you can head to the hospital.

Litgirl01 said...

Somehow I don't think that LMAO does that justice. There just isn't a word or acronym for how hysterical that post was. I so needed that this morning! :-D

Is there a blog graphic for the snarf army? Eh um *looks around nervously*

Carrie Harris said...

Beth: Well, you'll have to tell me what you think of it when you read it. Maybe in limerick form. ;)

Cate: Yes, but they need to be the right kind of eyebrows. Not just any brow will do.

Barry: That's one word for it. I could come up with some others too, if I tried really hard. Heh.

Witzl: Of course I know who you are. Your blog rocks the casbah. I think you deserve to be known for more than slug eating.

Scillius: 1. You don't want to know that answer. 2. You have to wear it too.

Aaron: You know, it could, actually. Hmmm....

Jamie: I'm the generalista of the army of snarf, taking over the world of weird. Is that what you're saying?

Kelly: Thanks for humoring me. ;)

Glamis: Um... that's a good thing, right?

PJ: Thanks! And thanks for doing the challenge, without which I never would have thought of doing them!

Natalie: We need to start a club. Wackjobs of the world, unite! And you need a mininja.

Horror Girl: What? You're snarf impaired?!?

Kiersten: Well, Kiersten, I'm not an expert on vampires. Merpires now... I can prove their existence with a baby pool and some sparkle glue.

And yes, you can join the Army. You'll be the Lieutenant in charge of Jell-o.

Litgirl: Well, no. But there is a Semi-Secret Order of the Blog Ninja, which goes to people who email me snarfy things.

Natalie L. Sin said...

How do you find out these things? I asked Ying but he didn't know either : (

Lynnette Labelle said...

Those are some strange searches. How do you know what these people are searching for? How do you track their searches?

I nominated you for an award. Check it out on my blog.

Lynnette Labelle
http://lynnettelabelle.blogspot.com

sruble said...

I like when you do the google search terms thing. Until now, I've always wished that I had that for my blog too ... now, not so sure.

Don't worry, you're not a COMPLETE wackjob. You're just the right amount of wacky :)

KLo said...

I cannot seem to stop laughing : )

Carrie Harris said...

Natalie: Site Meter. When you install it on your blog, you can see whenever someone clicks a link to get there, such as those on Google. Of course, then you have to troll it for the good stuff, but that's okay.

Lynette: Awww, thanks!!!!! I got an award... neiner neiner neiner!

sruble: You probably have a bunch of searches for zombie cheerleaders. What's wrong with that? :)

KLo: Sorry. My bad. ;) Thanks for visiting; hope you come back!

Whirlochre said...

What a bizarre collection of google searches. Be great if they were all by the same person.

K. M. Walton said...

I never regret stopping by your blog, Carrie. I thoroughly enjoy reading life through your eyes.

Checked out Site Meter & ended up installing one on my blog. Thanks for the cool tip.