Okay. This week's Thing That Makes Me Snarf is not necessarily funny on its own, and actually, you might not want to watch the whole thing, because it's one of those funny-but-on-the-verge-of-painful kinds of things. You have to picture me sitting on the couch, repeatedly saying, "This week on American Idol: WHEN SPARKLES GO BAD!" in a booming movie trailer voice. Lady Gaga almost ruined sparkles for me, particularly when the evil sparkles infected the backup dancers and gave them epileptic seizures. It just goes to show you kids; not every sparkle is created equal.
Really, I just wanted to reach into the screen and zip her eyeball shut. This kind of thing gives sparkles a bad name.
But here are a few things that give sparkles a good name. There's the unseen ending to Twilight, all 29 seconds of which are worth watching:
And a shirt that I really want.
In fact, sparkles and shirts go together like peanut butter and meatballs.
You can even get makeup tips to look like a sparkly vampire.
All of these things are kewl sparklies. But I feel like it's a part of my patriotic duty to point out that just because it's sparkly doesn't mean it's nice. It may jump out of the baby pool and eat you. Please. Just say no to bad sparkles, people.