Monday, April 20, 2009

Paranoia Will Destroy You

Funny, now that Twilight Parody Week is over, I'm having to resist the urge to post more parody. But I think we need to take a brief break so that my Fish Stick Jokeometer can recharge. It's been having problems with the battery; I might need to send it back to the manufacturer.

What? You thought I was making it all up? What kind of loony do you think I am?

Please don't answer that.

Anyway, more parody later on this week. For now, let's get on to other things. Like my general paranoia.

Every time I see the word paranoia, it makes me think of the role playing game. For you non-link-clickers out there, Paranoia is a game with very simple rules: if you show any indication that you understand the rules, the other players get to kill your character. Luckily, you've got clones. Every time we played, I ended up being the Happiness Officer, which means that I got to stuff brain-altering drugs with unknown effects down people's throats, all while singing annoying things like show tunes and Britney Spears songs. And if anyone refused my pills, I got to shoot them.

And if that's not fun, what is?

But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about your garden variety version of paranoia where random people keep parking outside your house to have lunch. You know, the kind of thing that happens to everybody. Right?

Right?

Seriously, we live on a side street not far from downtown (and when I say "downtown," I mean it in the quaint small town block with cutesy stores and lanterns instead of streetlights kind of way and not the gangstas and crack whores kind of way). It's not like we're in the middle of a bustling metropolis. But at least once a week, someone stops on the street in front of my house, turns off the car, and eats their lunch. And it's not the same person every time, either.

I wonder if this has anything to do with my practicing the Thriller dance in my front room every morning while wearing my son's Batcape and a psychedelic 70s print leotard.

Nah. Probably not.

17 comments:

beth said...

OMG! I've never heard of Paranoia before...but it sounds hilariously fun!

Hanna Banana said...

I've never heard of it either but ooooh, can't wait to try it!!

Also, starting to feel like I've been living under a rock...

Catherine J Gardner said...

Now that would creep me out and leave me paranoid. Do you think Stephenie Meyer is having you watched?

Litgirl01 said...

probably using someone's wireless internet! LOL I see people doing that all the time!! :-)

Natalie said...

Huh, I'd stop and eat lunch if you were putting on thriller. Maybe it's getting around, and a whole office building is taking turns coming to see so they don't seriously freak you out.

Kristy Colley said...

Just when I think you're being serious...I get a mental image of you in leotards, shifting your claws side to side. Oh, and not that you said so, but I also imagine you're wearing a shiny (or sparkly, you choose) purple mask. Superhero from the 80s style.

Carrie Harris said...

Beth: It's made of awesome. Assuming that you like to shoot your friends, of course.

Hanna: It's an old game, so I'm not surprised you haven't heard of it. But it's tres fun if you can find a copy.

Cate: Oh god. I hadn't thought of that. It's probably surveillance, and the Merpire Brigade is going to break in some night and cover me with sparkles.

Litgirl: You know, I thought the same thing, but I don't see a computer in most of the cars. Unless they're hiding it in the soup.

Natalie: Heck, if that's the case, I'll start charging admission.

Kristy: I NEED one of those masks. It would go great with my leotard.

ElanaJ said...

I totally think it's because of the cape. There's just something about capes. tee hee.

Kiersten said...

I'd probably stalk you for that and that alone.

SlayerOfBees said...

I can only hope you're wearing those huge green "Hulk hands" while doing the Thriller dance, too!

Natalie L. Sin said...

I say grab a bag of chips, walk out to the car, and start to slowly eat them while staring at the driver.

Or, if you don't have a bag of chip. Tap on their window and when they open it, lean in and ask, "Are you going to finish that?"

Scillius Maximus said...

Two Thoughts:

1. Sounds like a job for some Ninja's

2. Is the Leotard Dance with Bat Cape & Hulk Hands on Youtube yet? Because I can't find the link . . .

Lady Glamis said...

LOL! I get paranoid over everything, so don't worry. I once thought that some guys outside at midnight were snipers. Just turned out to be paintguns, but still, I almost called the police. Go figure.

Mariah Irvin said...

The downtown where I live is very similar. Literally one corner.

I really want to play that game!

Suzanne Casamento said...

Would you please provide us with a video clip of your morning dance practice? I'd like to copy the outfit to wear on my next date.

Keri Mikulski said...

Freaky. :)

sruble said...

Hee hee. Paranoia. That sounds like a game for me. Also, I don't think you're too paranoid about the lunch thing, especially if it's a frequent happening. Not sure what to make of it being different people though. Maybe you should dress up in one of your awesome Halloween costumes and go talk with them next time.