Bookanista, Delacortette, and all around cool person Kirsten Hubbard is currently throwing a little celebration for the release of her book LIKE MANDARIN. Have you read it? Did you love it? My copy's winging its way here, which means I'm obsessively checking mail almost as often as I obsessively check email.
Hey, it's a writer thing.
I've been so fascinated by this event, because she's having people post about their idols--the people they would have given anything to be like back in the day. And my first reaction was, "Well, *I* didn't want to be like anyone."
But when I thought about it, it wasn't that I didn't idolize anyone. More like I idolized EVERYONE. I wanted my friend Emily's dinnertime family conversation, where they played word games and laughed so hard that food went flying. I wanted Kim's talent for sewing and making things. I wanted Becky's confidence, because no way would I have approached ANY of the silver trumpet players, because they were in a totally different world than I was. I wanted my cousin Meggan's talent for getting along with everyone.
In short, I was full of want.
I didn't let that want go until I went away to college. I remember quite deliberately setting out to reinvent myself. I morphed from straight A geek who never even thought about throwing a party despite the fact that she was alone in the house for months on end to the girl who skipped classes and slept all day. It took some time to figure out who I really wanted to be. I still can't sew, and I don't know any silver trumpet players. But I can make a mean bouquet out of bacon. I'm the only person I know with a collection of zombie penguins. And I'm a good person to call when you need some wisecracks to cheer you up.
Way back in the day, I would have given anything to be ANYBODY BUT ME. But now? I'm happy with who I am, although I really would get a kick out of spending a day in the Hoff's shoes.