Alright. Now you've learned a little about how to appreciate your local ninjas, although if you're like Jamie you may have to do this from the grave. But why do ninjas deserve our love and attention? Why should you appreciate them?
Other than the fact that if you piss them off, they might leap out of your closet and impale you at any moment, of course.
Ninjas keep you safe. They patrol your house at night to make sure that the bad guys don't steal your collectible cards, jeweled headdresses, or gold teeth. They stand by your bed when you're sick and stroke your hair soothingly with their black gloved hands. They walk your dog at night so he doesn't piddle on the carpet. And yes, they occasionally steal a sock or two, but really, which would you rather have? Piddle on your carpet or a missing sock every once in a while?
It's true: the missing sock phenomenon has nothing to do with the dryer and everything to do with ninjas. They tie the socks into makeshift nunchuku and let the little ninjas practice with them. There's nothing cuter than a bunch of mininjas whacking each other with socks.
Besides, if you are nice to your friendly neighborhood ninjas, you'll earn plenty of Ninja Appreciation Points (NAPs), which you can redeem for valuable prizes, like a Get Out of a Headlock Free Card or the very popular Break Into Disneyland with a Ninja and Ride Everything For Free.
Would you like to have your very own Fraternal Order of Ninja Sticker for your bumper? It's the best way to avoid being pulled over by street ninja. Here are some ideas on how to gain (and lose) NAPs:
Donate bag of spare socks to local dojo: +5 NAPs
Forget to wash socks first: -3 NAPs
Socks are printed with cutesy little samurai on them: -10 NAPs
Sharpen ninja's sword for him when his back is turned: +10 NAPs
Test the sharpness on his back hair: -10 NAPs
Test the sharpness on his lawn flamingo: -20 NAPs
Throw a surprise party for your favorite ninja: +5 NAPs
The party games don't involve throwing pointy things at each other: -2 NAPs
The theme of the party is the Teletubbies: -20 NAPs