Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Things That Make Me Snarf - Richard Simmons

Richard Simmons is a genius.

Slayer and I were watching TV the other night, and he made some Richard Simmons comment. I don't remember what it was, but it got me started thinking about how funny R.S. really is. I think he should be in every single movie that is made.

In fact, here are ten movies that I think would have been much better if Richard Simmons was in them:

1. The Terminator, with Richard Simmons as the Terminator

2. E.T., with Richard Simmons as the alien

3. Gone with the Wind, with Richard Simmons as Scarlett O'Hara

4. Spartacus, with Richard Simmons as Spartacus

5. Grease, with Richard Simmons as Danny Zuko

6. Harry Potter, with Richard Simmons as Snape... or maybe Dumbledore

7. Friday the 13th, with Richard Simmons as Jason

8. Bridget Jones' Diary, with Richard Simmons as Bridget... or maybe Daniel Cleaver

9. Three Men and a Baby, with Richard Simmons as the baby

10. Lord of the Rings, with Richard Simmons as Sam

11. (ADDITION) How could I forget Chewbacca? That's the best one of all.

Man, I really should have been a casting director, because this is sheer genius. Or an agent. I could start the Richard Simmons Talent Agency. That would be so cool.


C.R. Evers said...

LOL! You should be a casting director! :0D


Vikki said...

Heehee...Richard Simmons as Samwise Gamgee! They're trying to run from the Balrog but he keeps making them do lunges and butt crunches. And he keeps sitting Frodo down and having those heartfelt talks like he used to do at the end of his shows. Now that's oscar-worthy!

Anonymous said...

He's also one of those people that are around FOREVER, you know? He just won't die.

Which makes him a good candidate for Lestat in another film adaptation of Interview with a Vampire.

Ray Veen said...

Jeremy brings up a good question -- vampire, werewolf, or zombie?

Hanna Banana said...

He could have played Jonnhy Castle in Dirty Dancing!!

K.C. Shaw said...

He would have made a great Han Solo, too!

I used to have a RS exercise tape. Half of my exercise came from laughing hysterically.

Jim Danielson said...


And a strange twist: my word verification is "dites" Just flip the t and e and you get diets!Does R.S. still have a diet program?

Jamie Eyberg said...

It is mornings like this that your blog keeps me going. :)

Elizabeth said...

WLIIA is the best show ever but it's never on anymore here in Vancouver. Do you still get it over there?????

sruble said...

I love Richard Simmons! Thanks for sharing the video and the movie suggestions. I think Richard was a guest on several Whose Line? shows. At least I remember seeing him a couple of times and I hadn't seen that clip.

Michelle D. Argyle said...

Oh, my goodness! I'm DYING! That clip was hilarious! You certainly make my day, Carrie.

And your list is great! You really should start an agency. I'm sure R.S. would LOVE it!

Cate Gardner said...

OMG! He would drive me insane. :)

Kelly Polark said...

Richard Simmons is always a good sport. I wonder if he's really that goofy all the time...and I wonder how many pairs of those silky striped shorts he has?!

Carrie Harris said...

Christy: That would work too. :)

Vivi: HAH! Lunge away from the Balrog! Lunge!

Jeremy: And he hasn't changed a BIT since I was in high school.

BPV: Oooooh. I think vampire. Because like Jeremy said, he hasn't changed a bit.

Hanna: Snarf. I can just see him saying, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner. Nobody!"

KC: Oh, no. I've got a better one. Chewbacca. He should totally have been Chewbacca!!!

Jim: I don't know if he does or not. My mom used to have his Sweating to the Oldies tape. I actually did it a couple of times. ;)

Jamie: I'm happy to be of assistance.

Elizabeth: Sadly, no. And I miss it dreadfully. However, I have about ten video tapes full of old episodes. I've memorized them all, but they're still gosh darned funny.

sruble: Really? I don't have any of those other shows. I don't think I've even seen them, darn it.

Glamis: Awww. How sweet. You wanna be one of my clients at the agency? ;)

Cate: But a hilariously laughing insane.

Kelly: Isn't he hilarious? I honestly think he could do comedy. A bit about his shiny shorts addiction would be insanely funny.

sruble said...

I thought there were more shows ... maybe it was the same show and I didn't see that part?

Pretty sure there were more shows though, because when they had a guest like that, the guest only came on for one bit, right?

Or am I remembering wrong?

Stephen Duncan said...

I can't wait for the inevitable E! True Hollywood Story for RS. He'll only be cooler when we find out he's been nursing a meth addiction all these years. Or that he killed Mr. Peabody. It's gonna be great.

Aaron Polson said...

I still have nightmares of this man. ::shivers::


Fox Lee said...

I love Richard! I have two of his workout tapes. One on VHS and one on DVD *lol*

K. M. Walton said...

He is a very unique individual...a very strange, unique individual. Whenever he used to be on Howard Stern he was absolutely hysterical. I think they're feuding at the moment, not sure.

Suzanne Casamento said...

Oh Richard Simmons as Danny Zuko. Can you imagine him trying to slick back his fro???

Ohhhhh. That will keep me giggling for hours...

Brenda said...

LOL...Poor Richard...he doesn't get the credit (or per your blog the movie part) he deserves...I remember when he was a regular on General Hospital...grin...

Rena Jones said...

LMAO @ #9. Now that I can totally picture!

Stephanie Perkins said...

Dude. I'm holding out for Pirates 4, when Richard replaces Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow.

(And yeah . . . #9 is totally the best.)

So happy to be your new agency sister! YAAAAYY!!!

Kimbra Kasch said...

Forget about Richard Simmons - I just love the word Snarf :)

Christina Farley said...

Yeah, I'm loving the title too. And your choice of movies- halarious.

LauraBlue said...

"He could have played Jonnhy Castle in Dirty Dancing!!"

Oh god I just about fell out of my chair at that! The dancing, the lift...priceless!

This is a good idea. Somebody should cut and paste his head over the top of characters and put the clips on the internets. Bonus points for really bad copy/paste jobs.

Carrie Harris said...

sruble: Don't ask me. I just work here. ;) Seriously, though, I have no clue. I know there are a lot of episodes that I'm missing.

Stephen: I'm sorry, but I think Richard Simmons on meth is a scary, scary concept.

Aaron: And I just made them worse, didn't I?

Natalie: I'm glad I'm not the only Sweating to the Oldies fan here.

KM: I've never been a particularly big Stern fan, but Stern and Simmons is a match made in heaven. That's all I've got to say about that.

Suzanne: I keep imagining him singing Greased Lightning. SNARF.

Brenda: Holy bleep. Can you believe that I forgot about General Hospital? I used to love that show, too.

Rena: I would pay big money to see Tom Selleck burp Richard Simmons. I'm just saying. :)

Stephanie: Ooooh. That's a good one too. I wonder if he can channel the spirit of Keith Richards. And YAY for you, agency sister! I can't wait to read your book!

Kim: Me too. It's one of my favorite words, actually. :)

Christina: I need to start a Snarf Club or something.

Laura: I'm sensing a contest coming! Heh heh.