Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Title of My Next Book

It was inevitable, really. I'm reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I am not permitted to consume any food or drink whilst reading said book, because I am quite sure it will come out of my nose.

Seriously. If you think I am even semi-sorta-funny, you will love this book. This book rocks the casbah of funny. It puts the "LAR" in hilarious. It gets the Gold Star of Snarfishness. Or it would if such a thing existed.

And before you ask, I am all over his next book about Lincoln the vampire hunter. I hope it's got sparkles in it.

I think this just goes to show that there are indeed no new ideas, and really the only way to stand out from the crowd is to put together two old ideas in a way that no one ever thought of before. And pretty soon, all of THOSE ideas will be used up, so then you'll have to put together THREE old ideas in order to get something sellable.

For example, you might combine the Smurfs, unicorns, and Alice in Wonderland to get Unismurfs in Wonderland.

But then, all of THOSE three-fer ideas will get used up, and you'll have to put FOUR things together. Like the Smurfs, unicorns, Alice in Wonderland, and Star Wars. And you'd end up with Unismurfs in Wookieland.

You know what's coming next. FIVE story elements: Smurfs, unicorns, Alice in Wonderland, Star Wars, and Twilight. And you'd end up with Sparkly, Brooding, and Sexy Unismurfs in Wookieland.

I'd be remiss if I forgot the ninja. So let's make it SIX story elements: Smurfs, unicorns, Alice in Wonderland, Star Wars, Twilight, and ninjas. The new title: Sparkly, Brooding, and Sexy Unismurfs with Shuriken in Wookieland.

But now my other obsession is feeling left out. SEVEN story elements: Smurfs, unicorns, Alice in Wonderland, Star Wars, Twilight, ninjas, and zombies. The new title: Sparkly, Brooding, and Sexy Unismurfs with Shuriken in Zombierific Wookieland.

Wait. One last thing. I think EIGHT is the magic number: Smurfs, unicorns, Alice in Wonderland, Star Wars, Twilight, ninjas, zombies, and (you guessed it) Richard Simmons. The final title for my best seller: Sparkly, Brooding, and Sexy Unismurf Richard Simmons Clones with Shuriken in Zombierific Wookieland.

No new ideas my ass.

13 comments:

Barb said...

Ha ha!
Maybe you could include Richard's brother as well. You know, Gene from Kiss.

Thanks for the amusement in the middle of writing a job application - was much needed!

Jamie Eyberg said...

I need to take notes on your blog from now on. the information is priceless.

Scillius Maximus said...

It would have to be eight.

This of course being the sacred number of the Discworld . . . So where are the Ocharine Sparkles?

Natalie Whipple said...

Where can I preorder?

Kelly Polark said...

Tom Cruise can star in the movie based on the book! Paint him blue and he can be a smurf! (he's short!) Though I can see him as Gargamel too...

Kiersten White said...

Umm, remember how I said I'd read anything you wrote?


Well...


Uh...


It goes TRIPLE for this idea.

sruble said...

I've read 2 reviews of the P&P Zombie book that make me not want to read it, but your review makes it seem like it might be a book I'd like. I'll have to check it out next time I'm at the bookstore.

BTW, I like your combos, but less is more, so I'll take the Unismurfs in Wookieland with a sparkly Richard Simmons. ;)

K.C. Shaw said...

My head just exploded.

I'm looking forward to the Lincoln the Vampire Hunter book, but I'm not sure about Pride and Predujice and Zombies. Is it more Pride and Predujice or can someone who doesn't really like Jane Austen get into it? Is it more zombies?

Word verification: soggi. And it's not even raining!

PJ Hoover said...

You can never go wrong with Smurfs! Those guys (and gal) rock!

Sherrie Petersen said...

I think of you every time I see that title. It's so you!

Davin Malasarn said...

I never trusted the title of that book until now. I thought it was symbolic, but I guess it isn't. Now I really want to read it!

Mariah Irvin said...

Yay! I remember recommending that book, so I'm glad you think it's funny.

Awesome title, by the way.

Fox Lee said...

The Smurfs lived in a village with only one female of legal age. If anything, they would make a great yaoi manga.