Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Carrie Harris: The Movie

I've decided that the world needs a Carrie Harris biopic.

Don't ask me why. It just does.

Anyway, the big question when you're writing a self-aggrandizing movie is who gets the honor of playing the title character. And I've got the perfect person to play me: Katy Perry. You know, that chick who sings the song, "I kissed a ghoul... and I liked it"? That's a match made in heaven right there.

The best part of having Katy play me in the movie is that she can bring her clothes. I covet her clothes with the fire of a thousand suns. And really, they'd add that extra touch of zaniness to my movie.

For example, during the scene where my studly husband Slayer saves me from the swarming zom-bees, I think my character should be wearing this. It explains once and for all why the bees were attracted to me in the first place. The moral of this scene is that you should never go out into the woods dressed like a piece of fruit. Especially a wood infested by a swarm of undead insects.

Come on, people, learn from my mistakes.

Bad zom-bees. No biscuit.

During the scene in which I'm accepting the Newbury (which hasn't happened yet, but you bought the zom-bees thing, so why is this such a big deal?), I think I'll be wearing this. It's a poetic statement on the nature of the publishing industry, how it goes around and around and up and down, and there are lots of pretty, sparkly ponies in it.

What do you mean there are no ponies in publishing?

And this will be the outfit that I'll wear during the writing montage. Because we all know there has to be a writing montage to show how hard my life truly is. The montage will include a shot of me standing in front of the computer just like this, because of course that's exactly what I do when I have writer's block. I put on a minidress that looks like it was designed by a five year old on crack, and then I turn on the fan, and I stand in front of the computer just like this. Hey, it helps me think.

I don't know, Hello Kitty. What do YOU think is the motivation for this scene?

Admit it; you want to see my movie now, don't you?


Scillius Maximus said...

Great thing is, I can see you wearing all those outfits, and pulling it off spectacularly.

Though beware of the carousel dress, there's a double-entendre so blatantly obvious that it about slaps you in the face.

MeganRebekah said...

OMG I laughed so hard at all of these. The pics themselves are hilarious but the accompanying comments were to die for.
Wait was that point? You're trying to kill us all and turn us into your zombie army with the power of laughter?

Michelle D. Argyle said...

Oh what a great laugh this morning!!! Thanks, Carrie. I'm dying to see your movie, yes. Will you introduce any new outfits in it? Oh I hope so! The fruit line killed me. She looks like a slender piece of watermelon. Lovely.

Stephanie Faris said...

I didn't realize she dressed like that. Between her and Lady GaGa, music is taking an odd fashion turn.

Cate Gardner said...

I kissed a ghoul... Now that song makes sense. :)

Jamie Eyberg said...

love it. who will direct though? Tarentino?

storyqueen said...

Yeah, I'm buying my ticket on Fandango today!

(How does a person sit in the carousel dress?)


PJ Hoover said...

love the clothes! They are just way awesome.
Hmmmm...who would play me in a movie?

Kiersten White said...

I want to LIVE in your movie.

Mariah Irvin said...

I would see this movie in theaters at least fifteen times.

Elana Johnson said...

Dude, I would pay a lot of money to see the Carrie Harris movie!

Carrie Harris said...

Scillius: And of course, you picked up on that double entendre IMMEDIATELY. :)

Megan: Yep.

That's all I've got to say about that. Snarf.

Glamis: I'd love to introduce some new outfits. Like maybe one made out of Jell-o boxes. That would be kewl.

Stephanie: Isn't it? Although Gaga gives me nightmares and Katy makes me laugh. A subtle but important difference, that.

Cate: Doesn't it? And you know the next time you hear it, you'll think about this.

Jamie: I'm partial to Robert Rodriguez myself.

Storyqueen: You could maybe, MAYBE sit on a unicycle. Which makes the scene even better.

PJ: Yeah, good question! Who would play YOU?

Kiersten: Pack your bags and move on in. I know I'm going to.

Mariah: You are awesome. I'm going to see you this weekend, right?

Elana: Oh good. Because it'll probably be you and about 20 other people.

Susan R. Mills said...

It would make a great movie! I'd love to have a supporting role. What do you say?

Natalie Whipple said...

Is it wrong that I would actually wear that Hello Kitty dress? I'm not kidding. I totally love it.

Kelly Polark said...

That Hello Kitty dress rocks!
Can your followers be extras in your movie? :)

Kelly H-Y said...

Oh my goodness, you are hilarious! Awesome post!!! Can't wait to see your movie!

Sherrie Petersen said...

I have a feeling you dress much better than Katy. That merry-go-round outfit is going to be difficult in a car. Not to mention the fact that it creeped out my son =)

Sherrie Petersen said...

BTW, I actually like the Hello Kitty outfit. I think it would work well in the movie... =)

K.C. Shaw said...

I love the Hello Kitty outfit but I would actually wear the watermelon one. I mean, if I was a lot younger and looked like her.

When your movie is released, will you invite me to the premier? Also will you buy my popcorn? I'm broke.

BT said...

A zany movie about you - with Katy in it...I'd see it in an instant!

jeane said...
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