Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Senior Pictures and Sweaty Balls

So there's this senior picture thing that's been going around the blogosphere, and if everyone else jumped off a bridge, I would totally follow them.

I wouldn't jump, if that's what you're thinking. I'd follow them to the bridge and take pictures, and then I'd resurrect the Weekly World News just so I could publish them. And then I would take the headlines from the WWN and use them to decorate my office. It would be like having a famous door, only officier.

Anyway, while I was on the mad hunt for old Halloween photos, I ran across one of my senior pictures, and I'm crazy enough to post it. I'm also crazy enough to dress up as Posh Spice Claus for Halloween, though, so that's not all that surprising, is it?

Man, I wish I would have come up with that idea sooner. I really would have done it.

But enough of the Halloween stuff. Here's what I looked like at age 17:

A couple of days before this picture was taken, my boyfriend broke up with me. I told my flamboyant photographer about this, and he told me that we were going to take such a fabulous picture of me that it would make ex-boyfriend's balls sweat. I was so shocked by this that I laughed for the first time in days, because I was one of those melodramatic girls who reacted to breakups by moping around and living on nothing but sunflower seeds for a few days.

I like sunflower seeds, but really. That's ridiculous.

Anyway, I fully support the use of the off-the-shoulder dress for the sweaty ball picture, but I'm a little confused by what happened next. See, flamboyant photog arranged me on the little podium thingy. He put the flowers behind me. Fixed my hair and my necklace just so. (The ski jump bangs could not be helped. I'm sorry; I was a child of the 80s. So sue me.) And then he told me to smile like Mona Lisa.

Er... what?

Did he just imply that Mona Lisa's smile gives him sweaty balls? Has he SEEN the Mona Lisa?

The picture turned out pretty good, I think, but I'm still completely confused about the whole thing. Personally, I never would have put Mona Lisa and sweaty balls into the same sentence. Although maybe that's just me.


K. M. Walton said...

Drama and teenagers are a tight bond. Love the "I'm looking so casual just lying here in my flower dress" look you had going there.

Well - when X saw your photo, did the dude's balls sweat or not?

p.s. I had half my head shaved off for my senior photo - but it really was a good photo, I swear. Maybe I'll post it...we'll see.

Vikki said...

I don't know, that subtle little smile you have does kind of say, "look at me now, you asshat!" (Hmmm...I wonder if our girl Mona was thinking the same thing...)

You are a braver woman than I. My senior picture instantly makes me itch. Fake blond hair, permed, with the bug shield bangs. It's nine hundred different kinds of bad.

Lina said...

That's actually a really pretty picture! I look rubbish in all my school pics, mainly because I ALWAYS forgot it was picture day and therfore wore something rubbish like jeans and a baggy t-shirt while wearing an alice band *shudders at memory*. But I can see the Mona lisa thing. I mean she smiles all secretly and mysterious and blokes always like that sort of thing, plus u where wearing slightly more reveling close then her.
Reaveling dress (well sort of)+ Mona Lisa smile = hey presto bloke with sweaty balls!

Jamie Eyberg said...

Just getting my senior pics taken made me sweat. There is no way in Hades I am posting them though. I am not that brave. I don't even like posting pics of me now, only my kids.

Tiny T said...

Love the picture! Mysterious and the I'm-too-good-for-you look. Although, I don't know many people that would say give me a Mona Lisa smile. They'd just say cheese and hope you get the message. :)

I like my senior pictures. I had some taken in Arizona and the others in a foot of snow at one of the local parks. They were great!

Keri Mikulski said...

He seriously said that?? :) Hilarious. Great pic.

I'll look for mine. I remember I was tanning a lot and I had Jersey hair. :)

Aaron Polson said...

Ah...the senior picture...my favorite shot was a black background/black turtle neck combo. I looked like one of the dudes from Metallica, except smiling.

Sweaty balls? Really?

PJ Hoover said...

Can't believe the photographer said that. Wouldn't they get arrested or something these days?

Scillius Maximus said...

Gad. I don't even know where my senior pictures are. If I can dig it up, you'll all see a classic feather parted down the center with just a touch of a mullet in the back. Classic Mid-Eighties.

Of course, this was when I had hair.

Now that I'm pondering it, I'm sure the Maternal Overunit has one. I think maybe I'll send in a request for a copy. It could be just fun to have it on hand if bridge like opportunities happen to come along and squat in the front yard.

Michelle D. Argyle said...

Senior picture thing going around, huh? This is the first I've heard of it, but I suppose I could go try and find mine...ugh, my hair was boy-short in mine. Not sure I want to display that ugliness.

Mona Lisa Smile? Isn't there a movie named that? With Julia Roberts or something?

Cate Gardner said...

Ah, how sweet were you - I'm sure it's someone else in the picture. :)

Adrienne said...

I love that picture! Was that floral whipped up to coordinate with the dress? Hard to tell where it ends and the dress begins.

Fox Lee said...

I get the feeling that sweaty balls give that guy sweaty balls ; )

Carrie Harris said...

KM: I don't know what happened to his balls when he saw the picture. Frankly, the thought kind of makes me want to yark. He really WAS an asshat. ;)

Half your head shaved off?

Vivi: I bet that's EXACTLY what Mona Lisa was thinking! HAH!

Lina: Why, thanks. I cheated, because I had an appointment at a photographer, so I got to bring three changes of clothing and everything. Which is good because one of my articles of clothing was a bright green silk shirt. What WAS I thinking?

Jamie: See, I'll humiliate myself, but I'm afraid to post pictures of my kids. Not like I think you've got anything to worry about by any means; I've just had too many stalkers and am now paranoid. ;)

Tiny T: Ahem. And why didn't I get one?

Keri: Jersey hair is FABULOUS. I'd love to see it.

Aaron: A smiling Metallica guy? Are they allowed to smile? Heck, do they even have TEETH?

PJ: Possibly. Probably. I thought it was hilarious at the time, but I also don't want anyone saying that to my daughters. Hello, double standard!

Skilli: YOU had a semi-mullet?!?! I'm sorry, my reality has just been sprained.

Glamis: You didn't just compare me to Julia Roberts, did you? Because I'm not sure what to think of that. :)

Cate: Actually, you're right. That isn't me. I'm the basket of flowers. ;)

Adrienne: They actually had that basket there. Hard to believe that since they match so well, isn't it?

Carrie Harris said...

Natalie, I wouldn't take that bet, because I totally know that you're right. :)

K.C. Shaw said...

My best friend Ginger had hair EXACTLY like yours. But if someone had even said the word "balls" in her hearing she would have, like, called the cops or something.

I had a perm in my senior year of high school, which is why I have tried very hard to destroy every existing picture of me. The 80s were a cruel decade.

C.R. Evers said...

LOL! I have no more to add. That's just funny.

Great picture! :0)


Kelly Polark said...

OMG- I laughed out loud at your title alone. My husband refers to SCBWI as Sweaty Balls for some reason as in When is your next Sweaty Balls meeting? Like it is even close to that acronym! He likes to rename things to fit his perverted mind (Pizza Hut is Pizza Slut, etc)...Anyway, I think your senior picture is pretty, I never pictured you in a floral dress! And I love that the photographers crude comment made you laugh!

Nora MacFarlane said...

Funny! Great picture too!

Brenda said...

Great pic! I beat the ex was totally sorry he dumped you...grin...

Carrie Harris said...

KC: My bad perm years were in junior high, so I really feel your pain. What were we thinking, really?

Christy: Thanks. Glad I could give you a laugh. :)

Kelly: I think I'd like your hubby. I call it Pizza Slut too. LOL

Nora: Thanks, and thanks for visiting!

Brenda: Either way, it made for a good picture. ;)

Elizabeth said...

Ya you look like you have a secret. In the early photo and in your profile. What's the secret? Mmmmm?

sruble said...

Must be a guy thing. Thanks for sharing your most excellent picture and the story!

Carrie Harris said...

Elizabeth: Man, you caught me. I'm really a swarthy Hispanic named Rico Suave. That's just a disguise.

sruble: Yeah, I honestly don't get it. Still don't, after all these years.

Michelle D. Argyle said...

I didn't compare you to Julia Roberts....at all.


Christy Raedeke said...

I swear to god I my room was wallpapered in the exact pattern of your dress. Was this 1984 by any chance?

So did your pervy photographer arrange that one sprig of eucalyptus so it would be springing phallically from the bouquet or is that just my dirty mind at work? The mention of sweaty balls (or schwetty balls as I like to say, has kind of a Sean Connery feel to it when you pronounce it like that) has me seeing phalli everywhere…

You have lovely clavicles, by the way. But I’ll bet you hear that all the time.

Rena Jones said...

OMG -- how did I miss this? LMAO @ the sweaty balls comment. How funny! Great picture, btw!