When it comes to titles, I totally suck.
Case in point: you are probably not aware that I'm a playwright. This is technically true although my play was produced only once at Eastern Michigan University, so don't you be picturing me on Broadway, unless you're picturing me in the audience heckling the Rockettes, which I would totally do. Anyway, I wrote a play about two high school girls who kidnap a Hollywood actor and stuff him in a laundry bag, and it's an idea that still makes me snarf. Almost as much as the one night in which one of the actors dropped a plate of food on the floor and was required moments later to eat it. The food, not the plate.
But then, I had to title the play. And I came up with "Why Nubile Young Women Make Fabulous Kidnappers." Which is too long to fit on flyers or tickets, and sparked the inevitable question that I kept hearing from people sitting around me: "What does nubile mean?"
AUGH!!! Get a dictionary, people! Noob-isle. Look it up. You probably should live on the noob-isle if you don't know the meaning of it.
Anywho. Since then, it's been my duty and desire to make my titles short, snappy, and free of fancy wordage. If my five-year-old doesn't know the word, it's out. Lucky for me, he's my son, and he's got a vocabulary that does his mommy proud. He wouldn't have to live on the noob-isle.
But even after that stirring revelation, I still have problems with @&($ing titles. The title for my first book was suggested by fabulous critique partner Ami because I couldn't come up with one. Current book has a temporary title that sucks rocks because I can't come up with one that I like. But then conversely, old friend Elise Murphy had a title contest for one of her past projects, and guess who won? Me. I cannot name my own books, but I can do it for other people. Because I am certifiably insane.
And then what do I do? I go out to dinner with best friend and complain to her that I ride the short bus for titles, and she suggests something that makes me snarf and could actually work... and NOW I'VE FORGOTTEN IT. Because I am a bad title-impaired person who is going to name her next book Titles Suck Donkey Balls.
Hopefully best friend will remember her suggestion, and it will be as good as I remember, and I shall use it and all will be well with the world again. But if not, I may have to cave and do a title contest. But if I do a title contest, I need a good prize, and all of my recent creativity went into developing ideas for the Celebration. (Didja vote yet? How annoying am I that I keep asking?)
So what would you want to win if I did a contest?