My car is angry at me. It's started doing all of these random things. Like the clock will turn off or, even better, reset itself. The windshield wipers only work when they want to. Yesterday morning, it decided not to start, which means that I'm caffeine free today because I couldn't get to the store to replenish the stock of Diet Dr. Pepper. (Accidentally typed Diet Dr. Peter. Freud would have a field day.)
So before we start, I owe y'all an apology. I'll probably have the comedic value of a Chia Pet today since I'm not chemically altered.
I think that probably the car is upset because the washer, the dryer, and the computer all have names and it's still "the car." It's jealous. I think it should suck it up and get moving.
I've never had good luck with cars. For example, I give you my junior prom. The morning of the prom, boyfriend breaks up with me, but we decide to go anyway. (Can you spell awkward? Evidently I can.) En route to the dance, he runs a red light, and another car slams into our passenger side, where I coincidentally happened to be sitting because I was a passenger. Strangely enough, I was not hurt, but I did split my tight little 80s dress all the way up the butt. So I ended up being taken to the prom in a police car. After we got there, my speech teacher walked into the bathroom to see my friend's head stuck up my skirt, trying to pin it back together from the inside. Friend was in one of those princess ball gowns, which only made it more ludicrous.
And then, on the way to my senior prom with a different boyfriend, he fell asleep behind the wheel. I was prepared this time. I picked a dress with a full skirt, and I was watching the road like a rabid squirrel. (I dunno what that means, but let's run with it.) I grabbed the wheel and steered for a minute or so while I shrieked at him to wake him up.
That night only got better from there. He refused to dance with me and spent the whole evening popping all the balloons with the pin from my corsage. Cars don't like me, and neither do proms.
So I've got to do something about this car thing. Either I need to name it or I need to take it to prom, which may be difficult seeing that it's December, but I am nothing if not resourceful. Wish me luck either way.
Oh, and entries for the title contest close this Wednesday, which would be tomorrow if you're actually reading this on Tuesday but not if you're reading it any other day. I never named a time, so let's close things up at noon, eastern standard. Not like anyone's going to be racing for the finish line here, but I like to be thorough.