Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Damned Cars

My car is angry at me. It's started doing all of these random things. Like the clock will turn off or, even better, reset itself. The windshield wipers only work when they want to. Yesterday morning, it decided not to start, which means that I'm caffeine free today because I couldn't get to the store to replenish the stock of Diet Dr. Pepper. (Accidentally typed Diet Dr. Peter. Freud would have a field day.)

So before we start, I owe y'all an apology. I'll probably have the comedic value of a Chia Pet today since I'm not chemically altered.

I think that probably the car is upset because the washer, the dryer, and the computer all have names and it's still "the car." It's jealous. I think it should suck it up and get moving.

I've never had good luck with cars. For example, I give you my junior prom. The morning of the prom, boyfriend breaks up with me, but we decide to go anyway. (Can you spell awkward? Evidently I can.) En route to the dance, he runs a red light, and another car slams into our passenger side, where I coincidentally happened to be sitting because I was a passenger. Strangely enough, I was not hurt, but I did split my tight little 80s dress all the way up the butt. So I ended up being taken to the prom in a police car. After we got there, my speech teacher walked into the bathroom to see my friend's head stuck up my skirt, trying to pin it back together from the inside. Friend was in one of those princess ball gowns, which only made it more ludicrous.

And then, on the way to my senior prom with a different boyfriend, he fell asleep behind the wheel. I was prepared this time. I picked a dress with a full skirt, and I was watching the road like a rabid squirrel. (I dunno what that means, but let's run with it.) I grabbed the wheel and steered for a minute or so while I shrieked at him to wake him up.

That night only got better from there. He refused to dance with me and spent the whole evening popping all the balloons with the pin from my corsage. Cars don't like me, and neither do proms.

So I've got to do something about this car thing. Either I need to name it or I need to take it to prom, which may be difficult seeing that it's December, but I am nothing if not resourceful. Wish me luck either way.

Oh, and entries for the title contest close this Wednesday, which would be tomorrow if you're actually reading this on Tuesday but not if you're reading it any other day. I never named a time, so let's close things up at noon, eastern standard. Not like anyone's going to be racing for the finish line here, but I like to be thorough.


Jamie Eyberg said...

Sounds like a battery problem or maybe a computer glitch with Christine there. As far as proms go I had little luck in that department either, although not as bad as you.

Keri Mikulski said...

Yikes. Great stories. :) Good luck with the car.

Vikki said...

Sounds like your car is acting out. Are you blasting Night Ranger at top volume as you drive around town? I did that once (recently, mind you) and the next day my car wouldn't start.

(for the record, it was on the radio and I'd forgotten my iPod and, really, can anyone who lived in the 80's resist blasting Sister Christian?)

Adrienne said...

I'd better name my car, too...it's been making a funny noise.

Hanna Banana said...

Don't feel bad. In the past month, I have replaced my front brakes, two tires and the spare, completely replaced my back brakes (over Thanksgiving weekend), and now the car is squeaking. Oh and by the way, the heater works intermittently and the wiper fluid does not work at all now. Love, LOVE my car...

Rena Jones said...

My boys named our cars -- Jeepy and Vanny. So original, but that's okay. And then there is our trailer, who is affectionately named Trailee. Yes, yes, Carrie, you must name your car before it starts hating you.

Yikes on the prom stories. You're lucky you weren't hurt in that wreck. Sorry to hear the dress didn't survive though.

Elizabeth said...

Ya I never named any machine appliance before in my life.
SO I'm no help to you. Perhaps it needs a good spanking and a time out.
My husband has a mustage in the garage that I refer to as his girlfriend. Is this the same sort of thing?
Maybe your car needs a date with a muscle car, you know go to the prom or something. Necking.
Do they still call it necking?
Anyways, I digress.

Sandra Ulbrich Almazan said...

Obviously you need to hold another contest on this blog to name your car. Perhaps the prize could be a date to the prom?

Perhaps I should be glad I didn't go to prom at all.

Kelly Polark said...

Put a garter around the rearview mirror and give that poor thing a name!
Just don't name your car Christine!
Good luck!

Carrie Harris said...

Jamie: Either that or it's possessed. I tend to go for the technical solutions.

Keri: Yeah, they're great in retrospect. ;)

Vivi: Actually, if I'm going to blast Night Ranger, it's going to be "When You Close Your Eyes (Do you dream about me?)" Long title, fab 80s song.

Adrienne: It certainly couldn't hurt, right?

Hanna: Our cars might be related to each other.

Rena: Sad but true: I still have the dress. Oh, and I LOVE those names. Heh.

Elizabeth: See, my car has a date with Slayer's car every night in the driveway, so I don't think it's feeling lovelorn and neglected. I'd try the spanking, but I don't know what my neighbors would think. Heck, I don't know what they think of me ALREADY.

Sandra: You know, I kind of decided to do more contests, and that's a fabulous idea!

Kelly: Oh, the garter on the mirror always makes me laugh! HAH!

Fox Lee said...

Name it Mr. Vroom. That might placate it.

Cate Gardner said...

Tut! For not naming your car. :)

K.C. Shaw said...

You have had an eventful life, haven't you? And not always in a good way. Maybe the car is afraid of you.

Ray Veen said...

Yeah, check the electrical thingy.

I expected that the guys would all focus on the mechanical issue, and the girls would all focus on the relational stuff, and now I am bitterly dissappointed. Your blog readers are as, um, 'unique', as you are.

I second 'Mr. Vroom'.

Michelle D. Argyle said...

Cars are evil. Enough said.

I love them, but they're evil.

Sherrie Petersen said...

I can relate. I spent $1,800 on my car only to have the battery die two days later. My neighbor had to send her husband to jump me more than once, and while I'll admit it was an enjoyable experience, I decided I should really buy a new battery. So, another $250 later, my car is now running like a charm. Love my car. (I had to put that last bit in there just in case the computers in the car are somehow accessing the internet, y' know? Gotta make sure the car stays happy:)

Jim Danielson said...

And that's why I never went to prom.
As for the car...my guess is the the way your luck is running the garter for your rearview mirror was stolen from the load of wash blogged about yesterday.

Carrie Harris said...

Natalie: Yeah, but what if the car is a girl? How do you determine its gender?

Cate: I know. Thanks for the official slap on the hand. ;)

KC: I was thinking about that when I wrote the entry. It's a good thing I used to have such terrible taste in dates, or I would have nothing to write about. At least they're good for something.

BPV: Funny, isn't it? Although I would expect nothing less from my fab readers.

Glamis: That's it. My car has been possessed by a supervillain. The world makes sense again.

GG: Oh, don't get me started on my hair. It can't decide if it's wavy or straight. My hair has multiple personalities.

Sherrie: And that kind of thing almost always happens around the holidays, doesn't it?

Jim: Sorry. Can't stop laughing long enough to formulate a witty comment in response.

sruble said...

Good luck with your car. Don't take it to prom. Bad proms come in threes.

According to the word verification thingy, your car's new name is "Matest." Maybe it's one of those word puzzles where you have to mix up the letters to get the real name. Unless, of course, you've come up with something better by now.

Brenda said...

My first car was named Amber Ann...she was called by her full name when she did something wrong and AmAnn when she was good...every car after that has had two names each starting with the same letter (Betty Blair, Candy Carol, etc.)...

My car's name now is Freda Fay (or Fray when she's good)...

And yes, all my cars are female...

What I'm trying to say is Name that car! grin...