Friday, December 5, 2008

Things That Make Me Snarf - Ask a Ninja

And here's this week's Thing That Makes Me Snarf:

Unsurprisingly, Slayer loves these videos, and I never really sat down to watch one before now. But Christmas is coming up, and I'm starting to realize one thing: it really IS hard to buy the perfect gift for a ninja. We have weapons out the ying-yang. I know this, because last night some strange guy--correction, some really BIG strange guy--knocked at our door. Slayer was out with our son running some errands, and I was at home with the twins. And this guy set me off for some unknown reason. Maybe it was because he looked a little like you'd imagine a shaved sasquatch to look. I dunno. Either way, en route to the door, I grabbed a big wooden training sword. Not that I can really use the thing, but I look a lot scarier with a big wooden sword than I do without one.

That is true. In fact, one of my old friends once told me that the only way I'd be scary is if I had self-aware breasts. To this day, I'm still trying to figure out what that means.

And then the shaved sasquatch wanted to talk to me about remodeling our bathroom. If there was a sasquatch version of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, this sasquatch would be the absolute star. I did not need the sword.

But I still need to figure out what to get Slayer for Christmas. I'd get him a shirt that says, "I am Slayer. Bow down before my red power," but he's a pediatrician and something tells me that his patients might get the wrong idea.


C.R. Evers said...

LOL! love the mental image of you answering the door with a sword.

What does "self aware breasts" mean? hmmmmm. . . .

Sounds like breast thereapy or something.

Jamie Eyberg said...

If my wife were to get me a new shotgun I would be happy. It won't happen though.

Elizabeth said...

Ya a pediatrician with that shirt on... not recommended. My husband had some pretty questionable shirts when we met and he wanted to wear them to work (psych-nurse). For example : 'Pornstar!' across the front...ya. no.

But now if he were a brain surgeon, he could wear one that read: Full Frontal Lobes.
That would be classy.

Aaron Polson said...

Ask a Nija rulz. Or rewlz.

Right now I'm "miting". At least my word verification sounds like a verb.

Aaron Polson said...

'course that's Ask a ninja.


Rena Jones said...

Men are so hard to buy for. Husbands are impossible. Mine just bought a 50" TV for himself. Do I have to buy him a present now?

LOL @ the shirt. I guess that would be better than one that said "Runs with scissors". :)

Michelle D. Argyle said...

Good thing my hubby's not a ninja . . . Legos-anything makes him happy. Only thing they have to do now is make a Legos sword - real-life size. THAT would make his day.

But it certainly wouldn't scare off any scary men on my porch . . .

Whack! What's he gonna do? Run from the tiny flying pieces of plastic?

Fox Lee said...

Porn. Thus ends my advice.

Ray Veen said...

Why not give him a yard of duct tape with earthworms laid out every few centimeters?

It's this really great idea I just had.

K.C. Shaw said...

Did Mr. Sasquatch notice your sword, or did you hide it behind the door or something? Because if someone opened the door to me with a sword in their hand, I think I would just run away. Of course, I'm not a sasquatch.

I keep giggling at the thought of you attacking sasquatch with a sword, though.

Adrienne said...

I give all my Ninja friends a string of pearls. Seems the most tasteful way to go with basic black.
Maybe you could buy your husband a security door so he won't have to worry about you opening the door to strangers.

SlayerOfBees said...

Love the Ninja clips. I know you were picturing me testing the lethality of gift cards after opening them. Don't tell me you didn't. Love ya!

Carrie Harris said...

CR: I don't KNOW what it means. I keep picturing my boobs talking to each other, and admittedly, it is a little scary.

Jamie: Maybe you'll get the Nerf shotgun. At least it's close.

Elizabeth: Oh yeah. That title belongs on a shirt. No doubt in my mind.

Aaron: Anausiz? Bless you.

Rena: I think I've seen a "runs with scissors" shirt, actually.

Glamis: I dunno. You could put an eye out with them Legos. I'm just saying.

Natalie: I'm surprised you didn't say "Thai porn." Because I think if you were a superhero, that would be your battle cry. ;)

BPV: Tapeworm. Heh. No, really. Heh.

KC: I hid it behind the door. But the thunk as I leaned it against the wall may have given me away, because he stood REALLY far away from the door. :)

adrienne: Black pearls or white pearls? I need to get this right, for obvious reasons.

Slayer: I won't even try to deny it. I absolutely was picturing that. Mwah! :)

Tiny T said...

I love AskANinja!!! You should check out the Minjas :)

Everything I get my man is a weapon. Doesn't matter what it is, so buying for a ninja in that respect is easy.

My man wants a shirt that says, "Trust me, I'm a Doctor." That'd be one for Slayer to wear :D

Vikki said...

Heeheeheeheee...OMG, love that video!

I get really irritated when sasquatchs come to my door and tell me my house has flaws. I get a lot of them who has strong opinions about our gutters or our roof. Ummm...'scuse me, you have hair growing out of every orifice, you really have no room to diss my gutters.

Kelly Polark said...

Too funny!
Maybe a ninja star for the Christmas tree topper?

SlayerOfBees said...

They also have t-shirts that say "Part time oncologist - full time ninja"!!! That one would be great!

Bryan B. said...

Or you can steal the t-shirt I made:

Freelance Ninja.

I once had business cards made that offered my services as a Freelance Ninja and Part Time DJ.

I don't know.

According to ninjas do like to wail. So, maybe a guitar.

K. M. Walton said...

What? You mean everyone's breasts aren't self-aware??????

Now I'll feel self conscious.

p.s. husbands LOVE self-aware breasts for says Merry and the other says Christmas. Perfect holiday moment.

Sorry, I can't help myself.

Fox Lee said...

I would gladly say Thai porn at every given opportunity. However, I made the bold assumption that Slayer preferred women. You see, when I say "Thai porn" the hot man-on-man action must immediately be assumed. Unless you're saying Slayer is into that sort of thing : )

Carrie Harris said...

Tiny T: What the heck is a minja and where do I find one?

Vivi: For sure. And that sasquatch was going all crazy on my 70s bathroom. And I'm like, dude, you missed a spot shaving.

The nerve. ;)

Kelly: You know, that's actually a good idea. I could honestly do that. Snarf.

Slayer: I'll keep that in mind, babe.

Bryan: Yeah, like my house isn't loud enough with three kids age 5 and under. I need to add another guitar to the two we already have. Pshaw.

KM: Either that, or I'm the odd one out. Wouldn't be the first time.

Natalie: Uh... obviously I haven't watched Thai porn before.

Suzanne Casamento said...

That ninja video was cRaZy. He sounded like the Governator and he sent me into fits of giggles.

Thank you.

Scillius Maximus said...


Tiny T said...

What Skilli said :) The guys joke about me being a minja... Little do they know :P Except the whole 8th graders thing