Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Things That Make Me Snarf - The Metal

I want to be the robot.

The best part of being the robot would be getting to put it on your resume later. Because you'd get to come up with a title first, like "Giant Jiggy Automaton," because everyone knows that it's important to inflate your title on a resume. You should never admit to being a Fry Cook on a resume. Instead, you should be a Purveyor of Potatoey Goodness. Similarly, you should never be "Guy Who Dresses Up in a Robot Costume and Pretends to Dance Around." "Giant Jiggy Automaton" sounds much better.

And then you'd have to list your jiggy robotic skills. And really, how could Human Resources turn down someone who has "perform in a kick line with Jack Black" as a potential employee? It's impossible, unless the people in Human Resources aren't really human. If they're droids who are obsessed with the Rockettes, as all droids are, then you'd pretty much be out of luck with the whole jiggy robot thing. Although maybe you could get a job working for Will Smith. Or Michael Jackson.

Wow. I have no idea where I was going with that.


Captain Hook said...


I think this post tells us quite a bit about you.

Vikki said...

Now I thought being able to put "Solid Gold Dancer" on your resume would be cool, but "Giant Jiggy Automaton" would be ten times the awesomeness.

K.C. Shaw said...

How much cough syrup have you had today?

Robots are almost as cool as ninjas. Hey, robot ninjas!

Aaron Polson said...

Any resume with "Automaton" in it goes to the top of the pile.

Adrienne said...

Ha! I wonder what would happen if the robot fell over and got stuck. Would he keep dancing on his back?

Scillius Maximus said...

I agree with K.C. Roboja's are the way to go

Tiny T said...

Go go Ninjabots! I now picture a ninja changing into something else with the transformer sound. Could be anything. After all its a ninja.

Fox Lee said...

I suppose "Mr. Roboto" is taken ; )

Carrie Harris said...

Captain Hook: Like the part where I'm nuts, right? I know that's what you're thinking. And honestly, I'm flattered.

Vivi: Wouldn't it? You could get ANY job. Heck, you could be the president with a resume like that.

KC: No cough syrup. No caffeine, either. This is what I'm like when I'm NOT chemically altered.

Aaron: See? You're a man after my own heart.

adrienne: Kind of like a beached turtle. Yeah, I can see that. And it's funny. ;)

Scillius: Yeah, but you're a little biased. I sense a dojo costume party coming up. :)

Tiny T: We could make that happen. I have a mask that makes that Transformer sound.

Natalie: I have a humiliating level of affection for that song. I admit it.

Sherrie Petersen said...

My son and I love to read the credits in movies and one that cracked us up was "Geeky Boy" in Prince Caspian. There's a great one for the resume!

Mariah Irvin said...

I always have trouble writing resumes...I guess now I know where to turn to for help.

Kelly Polark said...

I love Jack Black...and Heavy Metal! But robots, they're okay!