In honor of Halloween, my favoritest holiday ever, I thought you might like some advice. Not from me. I mean, really; I think that zombie penguins are the awesome-est. Who in their right mind would ask ME for advice?
Luckily, I have a stable of zombies in my backyard, and they're chock full of good information. What do you want to know? Ask a question in the comments, and my spokeszombie will answer it for you. It's particularly good at questions of worldwide importance that require deep thoughts.
Yes, I called the zombie "it." I don't know if it's a male or female. I respect its privacy.
What would a zombie vegetarian eat? What? That's not a question of worldwide importance? Okay, how about this one: Who should win the next Nobel peace prize?
Are the other zombies in your stable jealous that the spokeszombie is the only one that gets to answer questions?
What do zombies like to dress up as for Halloween? Which people have the tastiest brains? What is your opinion on the current health care crisis?
Why do I cough when I lick cats?
Can zombies get swine flu? If so, do they get priority when it comes to vaccinations or do they not qualify since they're technically undead?
What is the air speed velocity of an unladen zombie swallow? African or European; zombie's choice.
Who is a really popular actor in the zombie world? Do they have a thing for Johnny Depp?
Ooh -- I can't do better than Candice's question, though I bet zombie vegetarians would have a field day in my compost heap.
Are you still being pursued by Turks? Not much of a zombie question, but there it is.
I once read about an entire ship's hold full of pickled penguins (on a ship bound from the South Pole) going off because the parasites in the penguins' guts survived the pickling process and ate right through barrels. Gross, eh? Talk about revenge of the penguins.
Would your zombie describe it's ideal first day?
I need some pointers on how to walk and talk like a zombie before Saturday's Voodoo festival.
There are going to be lots of other zombies and I don't want to make any zombie faux pas. Like, is it rude to groan for more brains when you have a mouth full of them?
Okay, this one is two obvious, but I have to know...
Do we really taste like chicken?
Um...too obvious. Unlike spelling, it seems.
Do zombies dance in the rain?
Do you have any advice for a high school girl who's trying to get a guy to notice her?
How would someone go about getting a zombie penguin? I've always wanted one. You see, I kind of have a thing for penguins. And, a zombie one? It doesn't get much better than that.
Do zombies think that LOLzombies are funny?
Do zombies enjoy romantic comedies?
Do you miss being able to pee?
are zombie penguins super fast waddlers or slow-going shufflers?
Um, okay. Not sure I can come up with anything. But let's go with, If a tree falls in the forest of hands and teeth, can a zombie hear it?
Do zombies fart?
Do zombie penguins only like penguin brains, or will any do? I just need to know if I should run when I see one. Are zombie penguins faster than regular penguins? Maybe I wouldn't need to run either way.
Do zombies prefer their brains plain, or do they like to spice them up with soy sauce and ketchup?
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