Carrie Harris | Young Adult Author

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The Roast. And Bacon.

I'm thinking about throwing a party. See, Comedy Central is holding one of those comedy roasts on August 15th. You've heard of these things, right? If you have, you understand why I'm not posting a clip--they're foul and crass and the kind of thing that makes me laugh like mad and then feel vaguely guilty afterwards.

And the subject of the roast? It's him.

Roast me, baby. But, uh, please? Watch the chest hair.

The only way this could possibly get better is if they roasted Richard Simmons. But I'm quite happy with the Hoff. So anyway, I'm tossing around the idea of throwing a Hoff Roast party. But that didn't seem strange enough, so then my frequent anonymous poster (you need to pick a nickname, dude, or I'm going to give you one) sends me instructions on how to make a bacon torte and says something like, "I'd really like it if you dropped everything to make me this."

And a lightbulb went off over my head! It was like the heavens opened up, and a beam of bacon-scented light came down, and lo, it was beautiful. I knew my destiny at that moment. And my destiny is to throw a Hoff Roast/Bacon Party.

So now I'm looking around at bacon products. And I ran across the Bacon Bra. Have you heard of this? You slap raw bacon all over your bits (get it? BITS?) and then sit out in the hot sun to cook it.



I'm kind of speechless at that one. But I've actually worn a chain mail bikini, and I can't say for sure which is worse. I CAN say that I'll be wearing normal clothes at that party, though.

What's the strangest party you've ever been to?


Jen said...

Wow what a story to share your loved one's when you've had one too many cocktails. Chain mail bikini followed by bacon on your bits (loved that).

I would say each year I attend the annual Texas Renassiance Festival I see some of the strangest things, chain mail would be one of them (with nothing underneath) so I'd say every year that is the party where all the "magic" happens if you will!!!

PS I have a blog award for you :) Come check it out!

Candyland said...

There's none stranger than this! Bravo!

Kelly said...

When I wear the bacon bra, I spray myself with Pam first! ;) Just a friendly tip.

Renae said...

I honestly can't top the bacon bra! That one's a keeper!

Marsha Sigman said...

I cannot believe the Hoff agreed to do this. There is just too much material to roast him with. He isn't gonna be roasted...he will be deep fried.

Also I must draw the line at draping raw meat on my body. But I do love bacon...

storyqueen said...

The universe was good to you this month, my friend.....a Hoff Roast.

It really doesn't get better than that.


Shannon O'Donnell said... I'm not sure what to say to a post like that! LOL. I guess I'm a plain Jane boring girl, cuz I've never been to any weird parties. Dang! :-)

Scillius Maximus said...


Ow,ow,ow,ow. Please warn us before posting that pick. You just made my left eye hurt.

Tere Kirkland said...


I only wear underthings made of turkey bacon.


Candice said...

A bacon bra! Wow. Just wow.

Strangest husband and I once went to an eighties party dressed up as eighty-yr-olds. I stuffed my peach polyester to get the saggy parts just right and wore two pairs of glasses. That's about as crazy as I get.

K. M. Walton said...

In honor of your bacon party I found THE BACON PARTY website.


And, because I'm such a giver, I also found the recipe for CANDY BACON.


Tiny T said...

Some friends of ours have decided it would be a good idea to have a bacon party where everything includes bacon... chocolate covered bacon, bacon ice cream.... the crazier the better! The list is endless :)

L.J. Boldyrev said...

Hahahah! That's too funny! I am not really a party girl. I can't remember anything strange, not even from my youth. said...

Maybe it's something about parties in August...long ago that I hosted a Carpathian Weasel Day party. See, I'd read this alternative holidays book, and Carpathian Weasel Day was invented as a day of rest; otherwise the weasels would become angry, and sour the milk, spoil the grain and likewise create agrarian havoc. Not wanting that (in Cleveland), I had a very successful Carpathian Weasel Day. Attendees even created weasel-related art (Elie Weasel--oh my!) and weasel hats (ala Davey Crockett). It was wonderful!

Murr Brewster said...

I'm going to have to try the bacon bra. The Spam underpants didn't work out; the goo coating just confused me.


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