Alright. I think most of you are familiar with this by now. In the Event of Famousness is a once-a-month dealio at The Wonder That Is My Blog. The idea is that we're all going to be famous one day, and it's good to plan ahead for that eventuality. So I'm here to help you think about the most important aspects of famousness. Theoretically, this should help us to avoid any underpants-missing, couch-jumping type episodes that we see all too often in celebrityville.
Frankly, once is too often for that kind of thing.
Anywho. This month, we're going to talk about being a spokesperson, because if you're famous enough, you're going to get offers for this kind of thing. First off, it's important to think about the product you're being asked to represent. Does it fit with your image? Does it appeal to your target audience? Don't I sound like a marketing professional who actually knows what she's talking about?
I worked in marketing for five years. I fooled them into thinking that I knew things too, so don't feel bad.
If the product doesn't fit your image, then you really ought to say no. Because really, Preparation H may offer me a million dollars to dress up as the Hemorrhoid Avenger and accost people on the street as a part of their new ad campaign, but it might hurt my Cool Status among teens. (Ya think?) But I'd jump at the chance to represent Zom-B-Gone (Are your work and home lives being constantly interrupted by the undead? Spray Zom-B-Gone on those pesky interlopers and watch as the highly concentrated acid reduces them to a bubbling mess on the floor!) or Capes R Us (Providing capes to superheroes, vampires, and goth flashers since 2008!), because those two companies kind of work with the image that I'm trying to project.
Minus the goth flashers, of course.
Here's your homework, kids. Think it over and tell me: what kinds of products do you plan to represent?
Not sure if this counts, but I thought it would be fun to be a Famous Writer discussing deep thoughts about writing in a cameo scene in a movie, like Salman Rushdie in Bridget Jone's Diary. That's kind of like being a Spokesperson for Deep Writers.
I would be a spokesperson for the following:
a) bug spray (cuz, eww, I hate bugs)
b) non-dairy creamer and/or Cool Whip (They fascinate me)
c) the Sham-Wow (Is it a towel? A sponge? Who knows. As long as I can wear the Janet Jackson ear piece like the dude in the infomercial, I'll be happy.)
I would want to be a spokesperson for the things that never go out of style - Cheerios, Kleenex, tampax, condoms (promoting safe sex should be important to any YA writer who includes sexual activity), toilet paper and paper towels.
Since they never go out of style, people will still link your name to that product one hundred years in the future.
I would like to represent the pitchfork and torch industry. I think most Americans can relate to me on that one.
Wine and coffee. And maybe some chocolate.
Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.
Hmmm, anything Shakespearean? Or chocolate. Or just plain cool. Forget the personal hygiene products. :)
Would have to spread the word on Celiac Disease. Come on, a gluten-fighting author? That's show business, kids.
Anything produced by my beloved Korean Boy Bands.
Also dim sum restaurants, Hong Kong tourism, and Cheung Dat- Ming (Cantonese actor-comedian).
Lastly, gay pride events. Huzzah!
I'd like to be the spokesperson for some really fabulous resorts around the world. And maybe popcorn. We eat a lot of popcorn. I wouldn't mind a lifetime supply...
PJ took wine and coffee...I'll take chocolate and coffee!
Interesting side note: 1 peppermint + a few squares of chocolate + coffee = JOY MADE OF AWESOME.
I know I'm being really predictable here, but my answer is 'Guinness'.
But you knew I was gonna say that.
Coca Cola. Best beverage ever!
Have a Coke and a smile :)
Oh, I'd do a Guitar Hero ad too like Kobe and Tony Hawk!
Two things... First, ice cream because I have been in love with it my whole life. Second? Mucolipidosis because I love my niece and want to educate the WORLD about this very rare disease that is terminal and has no cure.
I wouldn't ever do this myself, but I'm glad there are people who do.
So I'd sponsor their snuffly smoky things. And all those miniature hexagonal spoons for scooping out the honey.
I would sponsor anything pink. Or shiny. Or shiny and pink.
I would like to represent diet coke because I don't have blood running through my vein, I have diet coke. I blame it for why I burp so much. So yes diet coke - me - good combo.
But the reality is I'd probably be asked to represent ex-lax or gas-x what with all the farting in my house.
Hmm, based on books, I'd have to say I could rock representation of nunchaku or bo staff. I have motocross in one book—I'd make an awesome biker chick. I did zombies—so, like, Covergirl makeup? Ya know, cover all the decaying flesh. Zombies looking as fresh as spring meadows! Oh, and cyborg implants; I could totally be the face of cyborg implants.
A new line of Tasers, in fact. Pink. With rhinestones.
I knew there was a reason I liked you people. I hope you'll hook me up with your products when you become famous. I promise to reciprocate with a nice cape and some Zom-B-Gone.
I'd like to think I'll still be humble and "real" when I hit the Stephenie Meyer vein of gold, so if, say, Ped-Egg came calling I'd definitely grate my hooves on TV for them.
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