Monday, March 23, 2009

My Dorsal Fin Belongs to Ward

Yep. You guessed it. Time for more Twilight, Carrie-style.

Ellba returned to sudden awareness, jerking immediately upright with an instinct borne of fear. The last thing she remembered was a figure, rocking in her dizzily remembered perceptions, long and lithe, beautiful ears tapering into elfin tips. But that was impossible.

Cob wasn't a werefairy. She'd been hallucinating.

She looked around at the familiar bedclothes, printed in little cartoon vampires and cutesy ochre guppies. The few posters on the walls, the clock with its plastic fangs on the nightstand, all of them achingly familiar. She was home but couldn't remember how she'd gotten there. And her leg hurt.

As her hand groped at the bandages covering her injured limb, she heard a faint sloshing coming from her carpet. Oh poopie. Her father Harley must have left the tub running again; the whole place was probably soaked. Heedless of her machete-inflicted injuries, she swept her feet off the side of the bed, sliding off the mattress and to her feet with a splash.

Her toes were immersed in cold water up to her ankles, and she stood on a slippery surface.

"Don't be afraid," came a voice out of the dimness below. It was a voice that made her brain stop working correctly, a voice that made it seem really REALLY cool to be bitten, drained of blood, and doomed to an eternity of undeath.

Really, Ward had a future as a recording artist if he ever wanted.

She switched on a light, eager to see his beautiful face once again. And to swoon. Swooning was an art form not easily perfected, and she needed practice. As the ochre light suffused the corners of the room, she saw him there at her feet, his scales sparkling in the energy-saving fluorescents.

"Sparkle sparkle sparkle," Ellba said dreamily.

Ward looked up at her from the baby pool on the floor. "Uh... what?"

"Nothing," she replied, dropping to her knees beside him and throwing her arms around him. "Ward, I missed you so much!"

For a moment, she thought he would finally, finally kiss her; his hands tightened convulsively around her; his fin caressed her knee. He smelled like fish heads and sparkle makeup. It was intoxicating.

But then, he shoved her away roughly to the other end of the pool. Water sloshed over the side, soaking the ochre shag carpeting. There was a moment of silence, and then Harley's heavy feet thundered up the stairs.

"Ell!" he yelled. "Everything okay up there?"

Ellba turned to look at Ward in panic, but the baby pool was empty. That was good. It would be difficult to explain why she was canoodling with a vampiric merman in a baby pool on her bedroom floor.

The baby pool would be tough enough to explain on its own.


Jamie Eyberg said...

You make me laugh. I am glad I have never had to explain the babypool in my bedroom.

Keri Mikulski said...

Love it. :)

K.C. Shaw said...

Sparkle makeup--NOW WE KNOW!

Thanks! You continue to make my day with these. :)

Anonymous said...

Fish heads and sparkle goodness. As if they fin caressing her leg wasn't enough.
:D I sooo enjoy this.

Kiersten White said...

I'm sorry--I'm just--still--hyperventilating--because Ward--in--her room--while--sleeping--



Adrienne said...

Love the baby pool! What I really like about this version is the lack of eye-rolling...

Fox Lee said...

Wait, wait, I knew they didn't bone in Twilight. But are you implying that they don't KISS either? Are they in middle school, or unfrozen from Victorian times?

Shelli (srjohannes) said...

watch you get this published :)

Kelly Polark said...

Millions of teens everywhere will be applying sparkle makeup to their pet fish to get that exquisite aroma!

Michelle D. Argyle said...

I really think you should try and get this published. Like, oh my gosh, heck yah!

Natalie Whipple said...

Now I'm really worried about that baby pool I found in my room this morning...

Mariah Irvin said...

Ha ha. Harley. I like Ellba's room, too.

However, I'm not sure that fish heads and sparkle makeup would smell very pleasant.

Ray Veen said...

Once again, you're literary insanity leaves me completely comment-less.

How do you you do that? (And can I smoke some?)

Christina Farley said...

Love it! Especially the beautiful pointy ears. Classic.

Carrie Harris said...

Jamie: Now we know the truth. YOU'RE A VAMPIRIC MERMAN!!!

Keri: Thank you. :)

KC: Well, there's a reason all the tween girls love him. They covet his makeup.

Kristy: You can go ahead and say it. I've got issues. I'm rather proud of them, actually.

Kiersten: You're just jealous because you want a merpire stalker.

Adrienne: Oh! The eye rolling! How could I forget! There shall be copious rolling in the next installment; thanks for the reminder!

Natalie S: Well, there's a lot of her wanting him to kiss her and him not wanting to drink all her blood and leave her a dry husk. So it takes them a good bijillion pages to smooch.

Shelli: Yeah, and then watch me get sued. ;)

Kelly: SNARF! Poor fish.

Glamis: Thanks for the vote of confidence. :)

Natalie: You haven't had a recent machete accident, have you? Because then I really WOULD be worried.

Mariah: Oh, I think it would smell disgusting. That's part of the reason I found it so funny.

BPV: Actually, I'm not chemically influenced, unless you count caffeine. But here's a scary thought: imagine if I was...

Christina: Thanks! If you missed the last version, it's because Cob turned into a werefairy. ;)