I was going to hold off on doing this contest thingy, but I'm feeling all Scrooge-after-the-ghosts-have-left. I want to give something away. No, it's not Christmas dinner.
Anyway, some of you may remember me talking a lot about the Mucus Shovel Fairy a while back. Kiersten first mentioned her in one of her tweets, something about how she was so stuffed up that she felt like she'd been hit in the face by the Mucus Shovel Fairy.
"Oooh." I tweeted back. "I wanna write a story about that. CanIcanIcanI?"
(Total aside: Are you friends with me on Twitter? I'm @carrharr. We should totally be friends so you can give me story ideas too.)
To make this long and tedious story into a short and tedious story, I wrote "Revenge of the Mucus Shovel Fairy." It's now available in the Shadows and Light anthology. You can buy it, or you can win a copy right here on this very blog! I'll even sign it, because I'm kewl like that.
Mucus. Shovels. You know you can't resist.
So how do you win? Simple. Give me your best alternate titles for Twilight. The more ridiculous, the better. (I kinda like ridiculous things. Hmm... you don't seem surprised.) Post them in the comments, as many as you want. And yes, you can enter even if you've won one of my other contests, because the Mucus Shovel Fairy is universal. You have until noon EST next Thursday. That would be October 22, 2009 for those of you in a time warp, or doing the Time Warp in which case why didn't you invite me because I find that dance very funny.
Bring me your sparkly, your marble-faced, your klutzy highschoolers yearning to be loved by stalkerish vampires. Set them loose in the comments. Win kewl stuff.
You know you want to.
Oh, and I'm planning to post the winner on the 23rd. Unless I get struck by lightning between now and then, in which case all bets are off.
57 comments:
Vampires and Werewolves and Control Issues, Oh My!
Just off the top of my head...
My Sparkly Boyfriend
I'm in Love with a Vampire
Blush
I'll have to think about it more, and get back to you...
Hi Carrie :)
Thanks for the chance to win.
The Undead Stalker & Beautiful Introverted Bella
:)
All the best,
RKCharron
xoxo
Here are some altered titles from real books that I think would be more suited to Twilight...
Too Great Expectations: How to Make Sure No Guy, Ever, is Good Enough. Ever.
Mopey Dick: Good God, Man, Being Immortal isn't THAT Bad!
Sense and Senselessness: He Smells Her, She Fan-Girl-Stalker-Level Loves Him.
The Chronicles of Hormone-ia: The Lion, The Lamb, and The Wardrobe (or: Um, Edward? Why are you in my
closet?)
I'll be back, I'm sure. This is just too much fun.
Sara, yours are excellent!
Um... now all of mine sound lame. I guess I'll give it a go anyways.
There Are Infinite Ways to Say Gold
Romantic Face-Touching
My Girlfriend Smells
Sparkles Forever
Reasons Why Everyone Should Move to Forks
This Book is Why I'm on "Team Jacob"
Pervy, Dead, Old Men Like to Watch You Sleep
"I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
Guide to Parenting: Give Your Children Enough Attention or They'll Fall in Love With the First Guy They Talk to, Even if He's Dead
Clumsy, dateless, and desperate
Just not that hungry
Did you get into my glitter again?
Pride and Prejudice and Sparkles
The Why Haven't You Been Eaten Yet Chronicles
The Sappy Vegetarian Vampire Diaries
I Shouldn't Be Alive: The Bella Swan Story
Okay, just so you know... my daughter does the time warp at least once a day--this makes me love her more. :)
and now for my titles:
It's like the fifties, but with vamps
My dad's pretty clueless
Lover, Stalker, Same Thing
It's not love if he doesn't want to eat you
Vamps vs. Werewolves: The Untold Bella Swan Story
OMG, these are GENIUS, there's no way I can compete... but I'll try anyway.
544 Pages of Wholesome Sexual Tension
Because Buffy Had Too Much Backbone
I LOVE the Time Warp.
(Side Note: I am following you on Twitter. I suck at the whole "being the muse" thing though. I sowwy. *hangs head*)
Yes, you have successfully tempted me into entering this contest with mucus shoveling fairy tales...I cannot hope to resist...so here are my Twilight-Alternate-Titles:
"I'm Plain, Clumsy And My Parents Don't Care About Me But Every Guy Wants Me For Some Ungodly Reason That My Tiny Little Brain Can't Comprehend"
Too long? Alright how about:
"Bella Dies: The End"
"He Watches Me Sleep: The Creepiest Love Story Evah"
"Looking Back, I Should Have Gone Out With Mike"
"I'm In Love With My Dog"
"Necrophilia: All The Kids Are Doing It!"
I wanted to think up more, but those took all the brain power I had...*sniffles*
'Come a Little Closer, Baby, even my Breath Smells Good.'
'Skip to Page 213 if you want to Read about Something Happening'
(the last one doesn't have to be the title, but it should be clearly printed on the cover somewhere)
OMG, this is way too fun! Everyone else's entries are way better than mine, but here goes...
The Undead Creep and The Klutzy Sheep
Chagrin Happens
The Lion Lay Down with the Lamb... And Ate It
Mary-Sue and the Sparkly Stalker
When I first read your post, I thought you wrote, "Marcus the Shovel Fairy" which I thought was really cool. Then I realized you wrote, "Mucus Shovel Fairy," which is a different kind of cool. Maybe I should write the Marcus story? Or add Marcus as a character in my NaNo novel?
Congrats on getting your story in the anthology.
Now for Twilight titles (some are obviously for later books or the whole series):
Emo
Sparkly Vampires Rule, Smelly Werewolves Drool
Edward Loves Bella, Bella is Emo Over Edward, and Jacob is Just, In. The. Way!
Everyone in This Book Has Issues, Which is Why You TOTALLY Have to Read It
First Love, True Love, Dead Love, and Sparkles
Klutzy Girl Finds True Love and Grows Fangs
Forks, With Fangs
Hehehehe, too much fun.
Giving Eddie the Forks
La Push Off
Overcast & Underdead
The Tofu Human
Scent of a Wuss
Global Warming is making my Sparkly Skin even more Sparklesome.
I may be a Vampire, but I so do Daylight.
"Undead and Underage: The glitter makes it romantic!"
Vampires: Really Their Just Cold Teddy Bears
Vampires: They're Just Like You and Me, But Also Like Blood
Vampires: Misunderstood Unless They Want To Kill You
Vampires: You Only Wish You Were One
I don't think I can compare to some of the previous titles, but here goes:
Low Self-Esteem (and How the Undead CAN'T Fix It)
Sign of the Sparkles (or How Edward Discovers He's Gay in Book 5)
Gourmet Dining in a Recession (or One Body, Three Meals)
The Apple Has Nothing To Do With Anything (or The Rest of the Book Doesn't Make Sense, Either)
This is so fun!
emilove.richardsonATgmailDOTcom
Okay, such a great contest idea. Love the entries so far. The first titles I thought of:
"What? I can't hear you. My heart is beating too loudly...Again (another reason you should turn me into a vampire)."
"The Hunger Games"
"Yes, I watch you sleep. Is that creepy?"
I'll be back later to add some.
I'll be back to submit more titles later.
Oops, I wrote the same thing twice. :) I guess I'll have to come back. LOL
I Love High School So Much I Keep Coming Back
I'z Not So Gud At Skool Acsuly
I've Been Looking For My True Love In High Schools All Over the World For 80 Years
Pedophile: I May Be 80, But I'm Still 17
OMG - I cannot compete with these awesome entries!
Lots of Sparkle, Hold the Fangs
Vegetarian Vampires: the Ultimate Fast
Forever Seventeen (But I'm Really 195)
Thought of another:
I Can Haz Bella
Mountain Lions and Irritable Grizzlies = Yummy
Vampires in the Mist: The Untold Story of Isabella and her year with the Undead.
ooooor
When Sparkles Attack: Vamping it Up and Wolfing it Down in Smallville
oooor
Sparkly Stalker Men and the Women Who Love Them: a Case Study
Sleepless In Forks or, How I Watched Your Mother While She Slept
T-T-Touch Me (But Only In A PG-13 Manner)
Sparkle Man
Ochre and Sparkles: Beauty Tips for the Undead
(My wife's dragging me to New Moon, but I extracted a promise that I get to make fun of the movie.)
"Twinkle, Twinkle Little Corpse"
Actually that sounds more like a murder mystery... and it really has nothing to do with Bella.
Oh, well. I can't stand her, anyway.
so this is me crossing over...from Twitter to Blogger. i just couldn't pass up the chance to enter your Mucus Fairies in the Twilight contest!
off the top o' me noggin...(my entries:)
"Fads Doth Fade"
"Say No! to Garlic Bread"
"If on a winter's night a Vampire..."
"Zen and the Art of Sappy Vampire Novels"
"I Can't Believe It's Not Twilight"
"10 Things Undead About You"
"Not Another Teen Vampire Novel"
"The Vampire's Guide to Human Girls"
yeah, i really don't have anything. participation is fun, though.
"No, No Sparkle Like This!"
"Clumsy, it is so a flaw!"
"How to control your girlfriend; tell her you’re a vampire!"
"Guide to Abusing the Thesaurus"
"When Dark Fae claim to be Vampires, and stalk emotionally unhinged girls."
That's it for now, everyone elses were so good.
Glitter with a hint of Orca--I mean ochre :p (I'm channeling both you and Stephenie. O:))
Wow, these are great. Don't know whether I can compete, but have to throw in this suggestion:
Ocular Smoldering: Treatise on the Symptoms and Progression of an Extraordinary Postmortem Health Phenomenon
Why Bite?: Tale of a Reluctant Vampire
Okay, I'm back.
(Twilight) Lord of the Fangs: The Fellowship of the Vegetarians
(New Moon) Lord of the Fangs: The Two Supernatural Creatures
(Eclipse) Lord of the Fangs: The Return (and Subsequent Destruction) of the Antagonist (Thereby Negating a Need for a Fourth Book)
Vampires of the Northwestern Seaboard: Dead Man's Chest
Vampires of the Northwestern Seaboard: At World's End
Okay, I'm really done now. Promise. Unless I think of something awesome.
"Why I can't stand the sight of Blood and other Cliches"
This is fun!
Okay, here's mine:
Once you have glitter, you never go back.
My boyfriend sparkles more than your boyfriend.
Wow I'm late to this game, but gotta join. Amazing titles! Here are my humble contributions:
Dude, Where's My Soul?
A Room With a View...From the Shadowed Corner
The Never Ending Story, or When's Bella Gonna Go Vamp Already?
Chicks Don't Want to Bang Nosferatu
(that was from PVPONLINE, BTW)
SNARK
fun contest! I think all mine suck but I'll give it a try!
Sparkle, Shine!
I'm Not Crazy, My Boyfriend Is A Vampire!
The Boy With The Topaz (and sometimes, black) Eyes
The Care and Feeding of Mythical Creatures
Stalking Is Sexy (No, really!)
Deadly Scent
What To Do When Your Boyfriend Thinks You're Food
19th Century Love And Today's Teens
How To Stalk A Girl and Get Her To Fall In Love With You
Stalking Works!
It's Not Creepy, It's Love!
Purple Prose Forever
The Passion of the Chaste
Ooh, oooh I thought of one more!
Carlisle Cullen: Jedi Knight or Puppet Master
BTW: Here's the secret alternate ending to twilight.
Not only did I not read each and every one of these (though the ones I've read are great), I haven't even seen this movie (believe me, that fact keeps me up at night), but I have a few:
Stupid girl likes a guy that looks like those guys that like guys.
Yikes! That's cold!
Wait, what happened to cool, bad ass vampires that were, ya know, dudes?
What happens when I'm 90 and he still looks 11?
"Cold is the new Hot"
"Guide to statue cuddling"
"From plotting your death to love at third...okay maybe fourth sight (who am I kidding, I didn't love you until I realized I really couldn't read your mind)"
"A Travel Guide to Forks: read about ever tree in detail"
BTW, no love lost SM. I read your first 3 books in 4 days. I was addicted.
here's my title, enjoy ;-D
Mr. Sparkle Finds Some Bling
The Lovely Cheekbones.
(It wasn't until I reread Twilight that I realized how often she mentions Edward's cheekbones.)
- Lord of the Undead Sparkles -
She Sobbs(it)
Fellowship of the Sparkly
The Two Bella Fella's
Return of the Angst
How about:
Fangs or Fur
lizzi0915 at aol dot com
Episode One: Phantom of the Supernatural Fetish
Episode Two: Attack of the Janes
Episode Three: Revenge of the Vic(toria)
Episode Four: Hunky Guys on the cover of Star magazine Wars: A New Grope
Just because I sparkle doesn't mean I can't get it on!
Oh wait.... How bout
Bella meets Mr. Sparkle
Or
Forks ... it's better than Spoons....
IDK...I don't do well at naming books. I would have just called it.
Bella Swan
LOL
Child's Play Part XIII: The Conception of Renesmee
I'm a bit slow off the blocks...
Why Burn When You Can Sparkle.
The Stalker, the Klutz, and the Heroin-Tainted Blood.
Saying No to Blood: 101 Tips of How to Not Eat Your Lover, No Matter How Much She Wants It.
The Watcher.
The Need for Sparkles.
Forks: The Tale of Dull, the Undead and the Sexually Repressed.
Oooh this is fun!
The Trials and Tribulations of Mary Sue
Blood and Sparkles
Cold Hard Sun
The Coldest Kiss
A Sleepless Love
Golden Butterscotch
When Sparkles Attack: a Love(ish) Story
oooorrrr
Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!: A Veganpire Cookbook
ooorrrr
Bella Dies at the End (Kinda)
ooorrrrr
The Hundred Year Gap: Dating Younger (Living) Women
oooorrrr
Veganpires: the Truth Behind the Legends of the Chupacabra
oooorrrr
I'd Rather Be Dead and Sparkly: the Morbid Obsessions of the Chronically Clumsy and Socially Stunted--A Character Study
ooorrr
How to Turn Sparkles, Veganpires, and Teenage Fantasies into a Cashcow
ooorrrr
Hot Fur and Cold Sparkles: The Chaste Harlequin Chronicles
I know the contest is closed by my dear friend Jason wants you to know that his wife calls the Twilight series "Sweet Valley High for Vampires"
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