Thursday, October 15, 2009

Whee! It's a Contest!

I was going to hold off on doing this contest thingy, but I'm feeling all Scrooge-after-the-ghosts-have-left. I want to give something away. No, it's not Christmas dinner.

Anyway, some of you may remember me talking a lot about the Mucus Shovel Fairy a while back. Kiersten first mentioned her in one of her tweets, something about how she was so stuffed up that she felt like she'd been hit in the face by the Mucus Shovel Fairy.

"Oooh." I tweeted back. "I wanna write a story about that. CanIcanIcanI?"

(Total aside: Are you friends with me on Twitter? I'm @carrharr. We should totally be friends so you can give me story ideas too.)

To make this long and tedious story into a short and tedious story, I wrote "Revenge of the Mucus Shovel Fairy." It's now available in the Shadows and Light anthology. You can buy it, or you can win a copy right here on this very blog! I'll even sign it, because I'm kewl like that.

Mucus. Shovels. You know you can't resist.

So how do you win? Simple. Give me your best alternate titles for Twilight. The more ridiculous, the better. (I kinda like ridiculous things. Hmm... you don't seem surprised.) Post them in the comments, as many as you want. And yes, you can enter even if you've won one of my other contests, because the Mucus Shovel Fairy is universal. You have until noon EST next Thursday. That would be October 22, 2009 for those of you in a time warp, or doing the Time Warp in which case why didn't you invite me because I find that dance very funny.

Bring me your sparkly, your marble-faced, your klutzy highschoolers yearning to be loved by stalkerish vampires. Set them loose in the comments. Win kewl stuff.

You know you want to.

Oh, and I'm planning to post the winner on the 23rd. Unless I get struck by lightning between now and then, in which case all bets are off.


Kelly Polark said...

Vampires and Werewolves and Control Issues, Oh My!

Anita Saxena said...

Just off the top of my head...

My Sparkly Boyfriend

I'm in Love with a Vampire


I'll have to think about it more, and get back to you...

Anonymous said...

Hi Carrie :)
Thanks for the chance to win.
The Undead Stalker & Beautiful Introverted Bella
All the best,

Sara Raasch said...

Here are some altered titles from real books that I think would be more suited to Twilight...

Too Great Expectations: How to Make Sure No Guy, Ever, is Good Enough. Ever.

Mopey Dick: Good God, Man, Being Immortal isn't THAT Bad!

Sense and Senselessness: He Smells Her, She Fan-Girl-Stalker-Level Loves Him.

The Chronicles of Hormone-ia: The Lion, The Lamb, and The Wardrobe (or: Um, Edward? Why are you in my

I'll be back, I'm sure. This is just too much fun.

Mariah Irvin said...

Sara, yours are excellent!

Um... now all of mine sound lame. I guess I'll give it a go anyways.

There Are Infinite Ways to Say Gold

Romantic Face-Touching

My Girlfriend Smells

Sparkles Forever

Reasons Why Everyone Should Move to Forks

This Book is Why I'm on "Team Jacob"

Pervy, Dead, Old Men Like to Watch You Sleep

"I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"
"I Don't Care, I Love You" "But I'm too Dangerous"

Guide to Parenting: Give Your Children Enough Attention or They'll Fall in Love With the First Guy They Talk to, Even if He's Dead

Jamie Eyberg said...

Clumsy, dateless, and desperate

Just not that hungry

Did you get into my glitter again?

L. T. Host said...

Pride and Prejudice and Sparkles

The Why Haven't You Been Eaten Yet Chronicles

The Sappy Vegetarian Vampire Diaries

I Shouldn't Be Alive: The Bella Swan Story

~Jamie said...

Okay, just so you know... my daughter does the time warp at least once a day--this makes me love her more. :)

and now for my titles:

It's like the fifties, but with vamps

My dad's pretty clueless

Lover, Stalker, Same Thing

It's not love if he doesn't want to eat you

Stephanie McGee said...

Vamps vs. Werewolves: The Untold Bella Swan Story

CKHB said...

OMG, these are GENIUS, there's no way I can compete... but I'll try anyway.

544 Pages of Wholesome Sexual Tension

Because Buffy Had Too Much Backbone

Anonymous said...

I LOVE the Time Warp.

(Side Note: I am following you on Twitter. I suck at the whole "being the muse" thing though. I sowwy. *hangs head*)

Yes, you have successfully tempted me into entering this contest with mucus shoveling fairy tales...I cannot hope to here are my Twilight-Alternate-Titles:

"I'm Plain, Clumsy And My Parents Don't Care About Me But Every Guy Wants Me For Some Ungodly Reason That My Tiny Little Brain Can't Comprehend"

Too long? Alright how about:

"Bella Dies: The End"

"He Watches Me Sleep: The Creepiest Love Story Evah"

"Looking Back, I Should Have Gone Out With Mike"

"I'm In Love With My Dog"

"Necrophilia: All The Kids Are Doing It!"

I wanted to think up more, but those took all the brain power I had...*sniffles*

Ray Veen said...

'Come a Little Closer, Baby, even my Breath Smells Good.'

'Skip to Page 213 if you want to Read about Something Happening'

(the last one doesn't have to be the title, but it should be clearly printed on the cover somewhere)

Tere Kirkland said...

OMG, this is way too fun! Everyone else's entries are way better than mine, but here goes...

The Undead Creep and The Klutzy Sheep

Chagrin Happens

The Lion Lay Down with the Lamb... And Ate It

Mary-Sue and the Sparkly Stalker

sruble said...

When I first read your post, I thought you wrote, "Marcus the Shovel Fairy" which I thought was really cool. Then I realized you wrote, "Mucus Shovel Fairy," which is a different kind of cool. Maybe I should write the Marcus story? Or add Marcus as a character in my NaNo novel?

Congrats on getting your story in the anthology.

Now for Twilight titles (some are obviously for later books or the whole series):


Sparkly Vampires Rule, Smelly Werewolves Drool

Edward Loves Bella, Bella is Emo Over Edward, and Jacob is Just, In. The. Way!

Everyone in This Book Has Issues, Which is Why You TOTALLY Have to Read It

First Love, True Love, Dead Love, and Sparkles

Klutzy Girl Finds True Love and Grows Fangs

Forks, With Fangs

Barb said...

Hehehehe, too much fun.

Giving Eddie the Forks
La Push Off
Overcast & Underdead
The Tofu Human
Scent of a Wuss

Cate Gardner said...

Global Warming is making my Sparkly Skin even more Sparklesome.

I may be a Vampire, but I so do Daylight.

Fox Lee said...

"Undead and Underage: The glitter makes it romantic!"

B Mari Landgrebe said...

Vampires: Really Their Just Cold Teddy Bears

Vampires: They're Just Like You and Me, But Also Like Blood

Vampires: Misunderstood Unless They Want To Kill You

Vampires: You Only Wish You Were One

Emi said...

I don't think I can compare to some of the previous titles, but here goes:

Low Self-Esteem (and How the Undead CAN'T Fix It)

Sign of the Sparkles (or How Edward Discovers He's Gay in Book 5)

Gourmet Dining in a Recession (or One Body, Three Meals)

The Apple Has Nothing To Do With Anything (or The Rest of the Book Doesn't Make Sense, Either)

This is so fun!

Kasie West said...

Okay, such a great contest idea. Love the entries so far. The first titles I thought of:

"What? I can't hear you. My heart is beating too loudly...Again (another reason you should turn me into a vampire)."

"The Hunger Games"

"Yes, I watch you sleep. Is that creepy?"

I'll be back later to add some.

I'll be back to submit more titles later.

Kasie West said...

Oops, I wrote the same thing twice. :) I guess I'll have to come back. LOL

B Mari Landgrebe said...

I Love High School So Much I Keep Coming Back

I'z Not So Gud At Skool Acsuly

I've Been Looking For My True Love In High Schools All Over the World For 80 Years

Pedophile: I May Be 80, But I'm Still 17

Larissa said...

OMG - I cannot compete with these awesome entries!

Lots of Sparkle, Hold the Fangs

Vegetarian Vampires: the Ultimate Fast

Forever Seventeen (But I'm Really 195)

Larissa said...

Thought of another:

I Can Haz Bella

Mountain Lions and Irritable Grizzlies = Yummy

masonian said...

Vampires in the Mist: The Untold Story of Isabella and her year with the Undead.


When Sparkles Attack: Vamping it Up and Wolfing it Down in Smallville


Sparkly Stalker Men and the Women Who Love Them: a Case Study

Matthew Delman said...

Sleepless In Forks or, How I Watched Your Mother While She Slept

T-T-Touch Me (But Only In A PG-13 Manner)

Sparkle Man

Ochre and Sparkles: Beauty Tips for the Undead

(My wife's dragging me to New Moon, but I extracted a promise that I get to make fun of the movie.)

Empress Awesome said...

"Twinkle, Twinkle Little Corpse"

Actually that sounds more like a murder mystery... and it really has nothing to do with Bella.

Oh, well. I can't stand her, anyway.

The Vincible Man said...

so this is me crossing over...from Twitter to Blogger. i just couldn't pass up the chance to enter your Mucus Fairies in the Twilight contest!

off the top o' me noggin...(my entries:)

"Fads Doth Fade"
"Say No! to Garlic Bread"
"If on a winter's night a Vampire..."
"Zen and the Art of Sappy Vampire Novels"
"I Can't Believe It's Not Twilight"
"10 Things Undead About You"
"Not Another Teen Vampire Novel"
"The Vampire's Guide to Human Girls"

yeah, i really don't have anything. participation is fun, though.

Hayley Lovell said...

"No, No Sparkle Like This!"

"Clumsy, it is so a flaw!"

"How to control your girlfriend; tell her you’re a vampire!"

"Guide to Abusing the Thesaurus"

"When Dark Fae claim to be Vampires, and stalk emotionally unhinged girls."

That's it for now, everyone elses were so good.

Danyelle L. said...

Glitter with a hint of Orca--I mean ochre :p (I'm channeling both you and Stephenie. O:))

Anica Lewis said...

Wow, these are great. Don't know whether I can compete, but have to throw in this suggestion:

Ocular Smoldering: Treatise on the Symptoms and Progression of an Extraordinary Postmortem Health Phenomenon

Jim Danielson said...

Why Bite?: Tale of a Reluctant Vampire

Sara Raasch said...

Okay, I'm back.

(Twilight) Lord of the Fangs: The Fellowship of the Vegetarians

(New Moon) Lord of the Fangs: The Two Supernatural Creatures

(Eclipse) Lord of the Fangs: The Return (and Subsequent Destruction) of the Antagonist (Thereby Negating a Need for a Fourth Book)

Vampires of the Northwestern Seaboard: Dead Man's Chest

Vampires of the Northwestern Seaboard: At World's End

Okay, I'm really done now. Promise. Unless I think of something awesome.

PJ Hoover said...

"Why I can't stand the sight of Blood and other Cliches"

Nadine said...

This is fun!

Okay, here's mine:

Once you have glitter, you never go back.

My boyfriend sparkles more than your boyfriend.

Andrea Cremer said...

Wow I'm late to this game, but gotta join. Amazing titles! Here are my humble contributions:

Dude, Where's My Soul?

A Room With a View...From the Shadowed Corner

The Never Ending Story, or When's Bella Gonna Go Vamp Already?

Lucas Darr said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lucas Darr said...

Chicks Don't Want to Bang Nosferatu

Lucas Darr said...

(that was from PVPONLINE, BTW)


Valerie Kemp said...

fun contest! I think all mine suck but I'll give it a try!

Sparkle, Shine!

I'm Not Crazy, My Boyfriend Is A Vampire!

The Boy With The Topaz (and sometimes, black) Eyes

The Care and Feeding of Mythical Creatures

Stalking Is Sexy (No, really!)

Deadly Scent

What To Do When Your Boyfriend Thinks You're Food

19th Century Love And Today's Teens

How To Stalk A Girl and Get Her To Fall In Love With You

Stalking Works!

It's Not Creepy, It's Love!

Purple Prose Forever

Valerie Kemp said...

The Passion of the Chaste

Andrea Cremer said...

Ooh, oooh I thought of one more!

Carlisle Cullen: Jedi Knight or Puppet Master

Barb said...

BTW: Here's the secret alternate ending to twilight.

Anonymous said...

Not only did I not read each and every one of these (though the ones I've read are great), I haven't even seen this movie (believe me, that fact keeps me up at night), but I have a few:

Stupid girl likes a guy that looks like those guys that like guys.

Yikes! That's cold!

Wait, what happened to cool, bad ass vampires that were, ya know, dudes?

What happens when I'm 90 and he still looks 11?

Kasie West said...

"Cold is the new Hot"

"Guide to statue cuddling"

"From plotting your death to love at third...okay maybe fourth sight (who am I kidding, I didn't love you until I realized I really couldn't read your mind)"

"A Travel Guide to Forks: read about ever tree in detail"

BTW, no love lost SM. I read your first 3 books in 4 days. I was addicted.

vvb32 reads said...

here's my title, enjoy ;-D

Mr. Sparkle Finds Some Bling

Wendy Sparrow said...

The Lovely Cheekbones.

(It wasn't until I reread Twilight that I realized how often she mentions Edward's cheekbones.)

Scillius Maximus said...

- Lord of the Undead Sparkles -

She Sobbs(it)

Fellowship of the Sparkly

The Two Bella Fella's

Return of the Angst

Reading said...

How about:

Fangs or Fur

lizzi0915 at aol dot com

Kelly Polark said...

Episode One: Phantom of the Supernatural Fetish
Episode Two: Attack of the Janes
Episode Three: Revenge of the Vic(toria)
Episode Four: Hunky Guys on the cover of Star magazine Wars: A New Grope

Unknown said...

Just because I sparkle doesn't mean I can't get it on!

Oh wait.... How bout

Bella meets Mr. Sparkle


Forks ... it's better than Spoons....

IDK...I don't do well at naming books. I would have just called it.

Bella Swan


Anonymous said...

Child's Play Part XIII: The Conception of Renesmee

Jade said...

I'm a bit slow off the blocks...

Why Burn When You Can Sparkle.

The Stalker, the Klutz, and the Heroin-Tainted Blood.

Saying No to Blood: 101 Tips of How to Not Eat Your Lover, No Matter How Much She Wants It.

The Watcher.

The Need for Sparkles.

Forks: The Tale of Dull, the Undead and the Sexually Repressed.

Frankie Diane Mallis said...

Oooh this is fun!

The Trials and Tribulations of Mary Sue

Blood and Sparkles

Cold Hard Sun

The Coldest Kiss

A Sleepless Love

Golden Butterscotch

Masonian said...

When Sparkles Attack: a Love(ish) Story


Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!: A Veganpire Cookbook


Bella Dies at the End (Kinda)


The Hundred Year Gap: Dating Younger (Living) Women


Veganpires: the Truth Behind the Legends of the Chupacabra


I'd Rather Be Dead and Sparkly: the Morbid Obsessions of the Chronically Clumsy and Socially Stunted--A Character Study


How to Turn Sparkles, Veganpires, and Teenage Fantasies into a Cashcow


Hot Fur and Cold Sparkles: The Chaste Harlequin Chronicles

CKHB said...

I know the contest is closed by my dear friend Jason wants you to know that his wife calls the Twilight series "Sweet Valley High for Vampires"

lin said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.