Monday, March 23, 2009
My Dorsal Fin Belongs to Ward
Yep. You guessed it. Time for more Twilight, Carrie-style.
Ellba returned to sudden awareness, jerking immediately upright with an instinct borne of fear. The last thing she remembered was a figure, rocking in her dizzily remembered perceptions, long and lithe, beautiful ears tapering into elfin tips. But that was impossible.
Cob wasn't a werefairy. She'd been hallucinating.
She looked around at the familiar bedclothes, printed in little cartoon vampires and cutesy ochre guppies. The few posters on the walls, the clock with its plastic fangs on the nightstand, all of them achingly familiar. She was home but couldn't remember how she'd gotten there. And her leg hurt.
As her hand groped at the bandages covering her injured limb, she heard a faint sloshing coming from her carpet. Oh poopie. Her father Harley must have left the tub running again; the whole place was probably soaked. Heedless of her machete-inflicted injuries, she swept her feet off the side of the bed, sliding off the mattress and to her feet with a splash.
Her toes were immersed in cold water up to her ankles, and she stood on a slippery surface.
"Don't be afraid," came a voice out of the dimness below. It was a voice that made her brain stop working correctly, a voice that made it seem really REALLY cool to be bitten, drained of blood, and doomed to an eternity of undeath.
Really, Ward had a future as a recording artist if he ever wanted.
She switched on a light, eager to see his beautiful face once again. And to swoon. Swooning was an art form not easily perfected, and she needed practice. As the ochre light suffused the corners of the room, she saw him there at her feet, his scales sparkling in the energy-saving fluorescents.
"Sparkle sparkle sparkle," Ellba said dreamily.
Ward looked up at her from the baby pool on the floor. "Uh... what?"
"Nothing," she replied, dropping to her knees beside him and throwing her arms around him. "Ward, I missed you so much!"
For a moment, she thought he would finally, finally kiss her; his hands tightened convulsively around her; his fin caressed her knee. He smelled like fish heads and sparkle makeup. It was intoxicating.
But then, he shoved her away roughly to the other end of the pool. Water sloshed over the side, soaking the ochre shag carpeting. There was a moment of silence, and then Harley's heavy feet thundered up the stairs.
"Ell!" he yelled. "Everything okay up there?"
Ellba turned to look at Ward in panic, but the baby pool was empty. That was good. It would be difficult to explain why she was canoodling with a vampiric merman in a baby pool on her bedroom floor.
The baby pool would be tough enough to explain on its own.
- Carrie Harris
- I like writing books, playing games, fighting evil, and cooking (everyone's got to have hobbies). My YA zombie comedy, BAD TASTE IN BOYS, is available from Delacorte Press right now! The next Kate Grable adventure, BAD HAIR DAY, will be available November 2012. Which is la awesome.
My books on Goodreads!
Carrie Harris's books on Goodreads
Twilight Parody - The (Sparkly) Back Issues
- Edition 10 - Beware the Scout with the Afro
- Edition 9 - The Merpire Bowling League
- Edition 8 - Fishman to the Rescue
- Edition 7 - Thumbs Up for Merpires
- Edition 6 - Ward's Killer Pants
- Edition 5 - The Gratuitous Dream Sequence
- Edition 4 - Meatballs Are Not For Kissing
- Edition 3 - My Dorsal Fin Belongs to Ward
- Edition 2 - Pinch Me!
- Edition 1 - The Ochre One
- ► 2012 (54)
- ► 2011 (159)
- ► 2010 (228)
- Vampire, Werewolf, or Zombie - The New Rules!
- Things That Make Me Snarf - All Your Base Are Belo...
- Worldwide Snoop Dogg
- In the Event of Famousness - Spokespersonocity
- Things That Make Me Snarf - My Humps
- My Dorsal Fin Belongs to Ward
- Things That Make Me Snarf - Bubba Cola
- Vampire Evolution 101
- PINCH me!
- The Weekly(ish) Review
- More Twilight Parody
- Tadpoles! Tadpoles is the Winner!
- Baby Maybe?
- Things That Make Me Snarf - I'm a Ninja!
- 10,000 Hitaroonies
- The Snarfy Subtitle Contest!
- My Newest Bestseller... The Ochre One
- The (Semi) Secret Order of the Blog Ninja
- Things That Make Me Snarf - Wheel of Fortune Parod...
- A Pox Upon You, Short Story!
- ▼ March (22)