Friday, March 6, 2009

My Newest Bestseller... The Ochre One

I keep getting visits to The Wonder That Is My Blog from people who want vampires and werewolves. Not one. Not the other. Both of them together. The poor zombies are feeling left out, but we'll talk about zombie-related prejudice some other time. Anyway, I'm all about giving the people what they want, so I've decided to drop everything, including eating and sleeping, to write a book for them. It's going to be about this girl, see, and she's in love with a vampire... AND a werewolf. And she'll be stuck between them. And there will be sparkles, because sparkles are kewl.

Uh... what? It's already been done?

Okay. No problem. I can work with this, because if you've read me for a while, you know that I'm the queen of cross-genre. Just look at my Halloween costume ideas. So I'll keep the idea, but I'll mash it up. Instead of just a boring old pointy-toothed vampire, she'll be in love with a vampire-merman.

I know it's a good idea, because the scenes are already forming in my head:

"Aren't you afraid of me?" said Ward, his ochre fin shining ochrely in the beautiful ochre moonlight.

"I'm not," said Ellba, defiantly thrusting her lip out. "You don't scare me."

She floated toward his beautiful figure, watching the lines of tension etch themselves deeper into his lovely face with every inch. But she couldn't help herself. She reached out, one shaking hand moving toward his hair, unable to resist the need to touch him any longer.

"Ellba," he said, backing up hastily. "Get out of the damned pool."

It's going to be a bestseller; I just know it.

31 comments:

Hanna Banana said...

LMAO!

SlayerOfBees said...

I love you, hon. But seriously...Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!

Have you been sniffing the household cleaners again?

Carrie Harris said...

Hanna: Glad you liked it. :)

Slayer: Sorry, babe. You'd probably get this if you had read Twilight.

Captain Hook said...

Very funny!!!

K.C. Shaw said...

Okay, I am practically choking on my tongue to keep from howling with laughter at work (where people would first stare, and then say, "Are you on the internet at work?"). Write it write it write it, I'd buy a thousand copies!

Unknown said...

Please keep going!

Michelle D. Argyle said...

LOL! Once again, a laugh out of me this morning. Hehehe.

Kiersten White said...

WHERE CAN I BUY THIS.

FOR SOME REASON I FIND MYSELF TOTALLY ENTHRALLED AND MUST READ MORE.

Also, I suddenly have the urge to make tee-shirts. Maybe "Ellba and Ward Forever".

Or, "My Dorsal Fin Belongs to Ward".

Or the cheeky, "Just Drown Her Already!"

Anyway, I think I'm going to go swoon and wish I could find someone as wonderful as that half-vampire half-mermaid...

PJ Hoover said...

Sounds good to me!!!!!

Cate Gardner said...

Now that is what the world of literature has been missing. ;)

Natalie Whipple said...

Can the werewolf in it be half unicorn? That would be HOT. I could be team Cob: Werewolf/Unicorn.

Kiersten White said...

Ugh, Natalie, I can't BELIEVE you are Team Cob! It's SO OBVIOUS that Ellba and Ward are meant to be together! Tell, her, Carrie! Tell her she's wrong!

I don't think I can be friends with Natalie anymore.

Scillius Maximus said...

I'm in the boat with Slayer on this one.

That would be the out-of-context-boat where we struggle with such statements as "eat the baby", "Do I look fat in this?", or "Seriously, dipped chicken fat is the only way to go".

Hmm of course since on the OOC Boat we'd have time to plan some sock drawer raids.

Doing anything tonight Slayer?

Natalie Whipple said...

Gosh, Kierst, you know Cob is the more stable one. Ward is ABUSIVE and UNDEAD, not to mention he has no legs. Cob has like six legs, making him better.

Carrie Harris said...

Yep. You've solidified it. The story of Ellba and Ward is now officially a running gag.

I'm unsure about the werewolf. The werecorn idea is pretty funny, but I need to think more on it.

Team Cob. Snarf.
My dorsal fin belongs to Ward. Double snarf.

Stephanie Perkins said...

Oh, I'm totally Team Ward.

Hanna Banana said...

(snickering) I have dorsal envy :)

Natalie Whipple said...

I'm sure you can come up with something even better than a werecorn. Think, think:)

Tara Maya said...

Natalie, are you complaining Cob is too corny?

Carrie Harris said...

GROAN. Too corny.

(Secretly, I'm laughing at it, though.)

What about a werey? Cob could be a werewolf-fairy. So one minute, he could be all brooding and manly, and the next minute, it would be: "I'm a sprightly elf! PINCH me!"

LOL. Sometimes I amuse myself.

Sherrie Petersen said...

So, assuming a uniwolf or wericorn exists, does the werewolf eat the unicorn after they, y' know, consummate?

Kelly Polark said...

Too funny!

Paul Michael Murphy said...

"ocherly"

That there's some beautiful writing.

Mariah Irvin said...

Making fun of Twilight is so much fun!

Count me as Team Ward---I like shiny things.

Brenda said...

LOL...I can't wait to find out what happens next... ;)

Suzanne Casamento said...

LOL! Ellba???

Laini Taylor said...

Wait, what? What book are you talking about? It doesn't sound familiar to me. Vampires and werewolves? I hate to say this, but I just don't think anyone would buy a book about a human-vampire-werewolf love triangle.
:-)

Lina said...

Hmm a werewolf/fairy?! He could be played by Richard Simmons when they decide to turn you're book into a movie. I think he would make a hilarious werey!

Eileen Astels Watson said...

I came over from Megan's blog. Man you cracked me up. This is great! I didn't know spoofs came in the writing form too? Love it!

Laura said...

An honest lol here! That last line!

Abby Annis said...

Found you through Megan Rebekah's blog. This is awesome!!