Friday, September 26, 2008

Deep Thoughts

I hate it when people bemoan the fact that kids don't read and simultaneously look at me funny for choosing to write for teens. It does Not Make Sense. Those two sentiments are Completely At Odds With Each Other and drive me to Random Capitalization. They should Stop Doing That or I'll stick my Fist In Their--

Never Mind.

So many people have blogged about the wonder that is YA, and they, being serious and all, have said it much better than I can what with all my smartassery. I'm better at asking silly questions, like if Aragorn got bitten by a vampire would he still be as desirable as he is now? Of course we're talking scruff Aragorn and not clean shaven Ken doll wannabe Aragorn. But it would be scruff Aragorn with fangs and a penchant for young women in filmy nightgowns.

Man, if I only had Photoshop, I would go all out with photos of THAT.

Really, it makes me laugh when people start asking me for stirring commentary on this or that. It's not that I'm incapable of deep thoughs (by Jack Handey). It's just that en route to the deep thoughts, I get distracted by Jack Handey.

My favorite Deep Thought by Jack Handey is paraphrased because I don't remember it word for word, but it goes something like this: "I remember every summer that my Uncle Bob would get out a board and nail two tadpoles to it. Then he'd spin the board around and yell, 'Tadpoles! Tadpoles is the winner!' We thought he was a little crazy, but then again, we had some growing up to do."

See what I mean?

And what it comes down to is that rather than argue with the morons who don't understand the Wonder That Is Writing For Teens, I'd rather just do it. Because really, if they wrote for teens too, then I wouldn't be able to feel superior to them any more.

It's all a part of my master plan, bay-bee.

And thus ends an episode of Deep Thoughts by Carrie Harris. If only I could have that Jack Handey guy read this for me while the words scroll over a picture of a trickling stream, I could die a happy woman. Not like I'm planning on dying any time soon, but you know what I mean.


Anonymous said...

Man, Deep Thoughts was one of my favorite parts of SNL. Do they still do that segment? Last time I caught SNL a few weeks ago, it was nowhere near as funny as it used to be when I was a kid.

Oh. And thanks for the critique! You're a huge help, and an awesome editor. Hopefully you won't mind when I send you the finished product!

Jamie Eyberg said...

I still miss Eddie Murphy on SNL but I digress. I know what you mean by the paradox that is YA writing and the funny looks that you get from it.

Cate Gardner said...

Okay, having never seen Saturday Night Live I didn't realise we were talking about it - all I kept thinking was Carrie & Deep Thoughts 'Oh boy!" :)

Rachel Hawkins said...

YAY, you have a blog! I'm so glad I found you! Oh, and that deep thought? Made me snorfle coffee out my nose. Hee hee. Tadpoles.

And I know what you mean about the weird looks you get for writing for teens. You should see the looks I get- here in Southern "Holy Crap Everyone Is Totally Baptist" Alabama when I say my book is called Demonglass.

Le sigh.

Off to bookmark your blog now!

Carrie Harris said...

Jeremy: I don't have a clue if they do it anymore. Sad but true: I have three children and now go to bed abysmally early.

I'm so glad it's helpful! Can't wait to read it again. Frankly, I'll be UPSET if you don't let me. No pressure or anything.

Jamie: Mmmm... Buckwheat. :)

Cate: Hah! I hadn't thought of that. Yeah, Jack Handey was this bit where they ran these wonky sayings over nature photos and had a guy with a really soothing voice read them. There are some on the Jack Handey website if ever you need a laugh. Or there's my newfangled Jack Handey ticker in the righthand column. :)

Carrie Harris said...

Rachel! Woo hoo! When you come up for air and get your feet back on the ground, I shall send you emailage. Uh... if you want, that is. :)

K.C. Shaw said...

Ohmugawd. I did not think you could improve on Aragorn. But you can. *fans self*

Jamie Eyberg said...

Not a jack handy but an Animaniac bit. Good idea...feeding kitten in the park. Bad idea...feeding kittens in the park to bears.

I don't know where that is relevant but it makes me smile.

Stephanie Perkins said...

Speaking of dying...

"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."

Gotta love that Jack Handy :)

And I know. The morons. What is the deal with them?? Thanks for pointing out that instead of feeling bitter, I can feel superior instead!

(I feel so much better already.)

Ronald L. Smith said...

What I love is when I tell people I'm writing teen books and they go, "Oh, yeah, I thought about writing a kid's book, too."

Ok, go ahead buddy. Have fun. Just knock it out between lunch and dinner and send it off. Let me know what happens.

Carrie Harris said...

KC: You think? I'm undecided on the toothy Aragorn. Dunno. I'll have to think some deep thoughts about it. ;)

Jamie: That one reminds me of another funny bit, although I have no clue where it comes from: Fun with punctuation! "It's time to eat kids!" is different than "It's time to eat, kids!"

Stephanie: Y'know, we could start a club or something to heighten our feelings of superiority. Our slogan could be something like: neiner neiner you can't join!

Balthazar: What are you talking about? Everyone knows that fewer words equals easier. Pshaw. ;)

Stephen Duncan said...

I totally forgot about Jack Handey! So, so funny!

I'll tell you this: Evil witch Cate Blanchett was much hotter than socially weird, but good, Elf Blanchett.

I mean, she GLOWED IN THE DARK. How cool is that?

Wait, what were we talking about?

Adrienne said...

Maybe those people want to save you the trouble of writing books their own kids are never going to get around to reading...
I haven't seen SNL in a while & forgot about Deep Thoughts - thanks for the image :)

sruble said...

"I hate it when people bemoan the fact that kids don't read and simultaneously look at me funny for choosing to write for teens."
Ha! That is too funny, and sad, really sad, but funny.

I used to know a guy that wrote for Jack Handey on SNL.

Brenda said...

I'm not use to this "deep thought carrie" made me stop and think about things...and then I read your comments and find out your post was about some guy on SNL...I should have known there was going to be a snarf hidden somewhere...grin...

I have no idea who Jack Handey is/was...I'm off to YouTube to see if I can find a clip...

Elise Murphy said...

My all time favorite Jack Handey:

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

K. M. Walton said...

Carrie - you make me laugh out loud. Like Prince B, I've had three people actually say to me..."You know, when I hear you wrote a book I thought, I could write a book too." I replied, "Good. Go write a book."

None of them have written a book.

Also, if you have a second, check out the bottom of my blog now. I think you'll see something you just might like!!!!!

K. M. Walton said...

Awwww crap. I just clicked back to your blog and saw you already found the cool Deep Thoughts thingy.

Dang it. Oh well.

Jack Handy rules though. Thanks for making me remember how much I love that genius :)

Lina said...

People look at you funny for writing for teens?! Sounds like strange people to me, but hey what do I know?!

Carrie Harris said...

CWAC: I don't quite know why, but Witch Blanchett and Elf Blanchett sound funny to me. Pleasingly so. :)

Adrienne: Possible. Or they could just be dumb. (Something tells me you're a lot nicer than me in real life. I'm mostly kidding, but there's an emphasis on mostly.)

sruble: I know. It is sad, which is why I feel compelled to joke at it. It's really an attempt to give myself perspective. Oh, and if ever you see that guy again, will you salaam wildly in front of him on my behalf?

Brenda: There is a Jack Handey website, with actual clips from the show. You NEED to see it. Snarfalicious.

Elise: How did you know what we did this weekend? It's like you're psychic or something. ;)

KM: Ah, you too found the wonder that is the Jack Handey box! Now we're twins! Ish. LOL

Lina: I know, I know. The world is an odd, odd place, ain't it?