Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Holy Scary Eyebrows, Batman!

We went camping this past weekend. Okay, that's not entirely true. Our family of five crammed into a cabin with ten other people and said we were "roughing it." We were, in fact, staying less than five miles from the site of the infamous attack of the killer bees. I had four bees land on me over the weekend, but no stings.

Really, it's just because I'm sweet. That and I regularly dunk myself into bathtubs full of honey.

I helped with the cooking while we were at the cabin, because that's my bag baby. And one morning we made cinnamon toast, which I haven't had in ages and really is as good as I remember it. For some unknown reason, we decided to make designs on the toast, because designer toast is where it's at. We don't use style-free brand name toast when we camp. We're all about the fanciness.

So I was trying to sprinkle a cinnamon smiley face onto a piece of bread, only the eyes kind of melded together. My cinnamon toast had a unibrow.

It's giving me a complex, actually, because I have this thing about eyebrows. Unibrows, of course, are signs that someone is a werewolf, cro-magnon, or mutant hairball. But the thing that really gets me are the women with scary eyebrows. You know the ones that I'm talking about: they who paint their brows on like warpaint and walk around with an expression of terminal surprise, only the warpaint is so scary that it's more like scary terminal surprise.

I've decided that every villain I ever write will have scary eyebrows. Bad supervillain in the first book? Scary superbrows. Zombies in the second book? Scary rotting eyebrows. Demons? Scary evil eyebrows.

I've decided that palm reading is for losers. I'm going to found the Brow Readers Association. We members of the BRA believe that you can learn everything there is to know about someone by looking at their eyebrows.

I went to high school with a girl who used to pluck out her eyebrows and eat them. She's a cannibal now.

Wow. That was really random.


Cate Gardner said...

One of my evil people just arched their's.

Keri Mikulski said...

LOL.. Eyebrows are interesting.

Tiny T said...

Hehe, BRA. Love it!

Ray Veen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ray Veen said...

First time here and you take me from camping to toast, to zombies to eyebrows.

I hope the ride is like this every time.

And I asked my wife if I could be in your club, but she 'no' because something about 'getting into other women's bras'.

(hehe - that was me that deleted the comment. It's amazing how one misplaced word can change the meaning of something, no? Care to guess which word it was?)

Fox Lee said...

Actually, eyebrows are important in Chinese face reading ; )

Carrie Harris said...

Cate: Oooh. Scary arching eyebrows. ;)

Keri: Scary interesting or just interesting? Snarf.

T: You wanna join? I'll wave the membership fee.

Big Plain V: Yeah, that's pretty much how my brain works. Mass chaos multiplied by big vocabulary equals me. :) And I KNOW which word you replaced, because I have cheated and have email notification. Snarf.

Natalie: You're kidding. I have to learn face reading now. That's fifteen different kinds of cool.

Rachel Hawkins said...

Ooh, eyebrows are teh evil! I myself have stupid, thin, no-color eyebrows that cannot be penciled in as A)I have bright red hair, and they do not make bright red eyebrow pencils WITH GOOD REASON, and B)I find the idea of fake, colored in eyebrows scary and Joan Crawford-like.

So feel free to use the girl with weird, no color eyebrows for a character in your next book. I'm just throwin' it out there.

Tiny T said...

Carrie: Where do I sign? ;D

Erin Maher said...

There was a guy in my high school who used to pop his pimples in class and eat it. He also picked his nose, cleaned out his ears, scratched his dandruff and ate it.

But never, ever eyebrows. That's just way too gross.

This also reminds me of my own first attempt at plucking my eyebrows, also in high school. I took one entirely off, and then panicked when I realized the damage, and left the other one full.

Carrie Harris said...

Rachel: Scary yet invisible eyebrows? Maybe they're ghostly eyebrows. Ooooh. I like that.

T: When you figure it out, come talk to me. SNARF.

Erin: ICK. Double and triple ick. Something tells me that this guy did not date much. I've always been really careful about the trimming of the brows. Because I don't want to look terminally surprised. Oh, and I apologize for laughing at your misfortune, but really, you have to admit that it's funny, right?

Brenda said...

First, I love to camp as long as it is in a cabin, with electricity and running water...sleeping on the ground in a tent is not for me...

Second, I looked at my furbaby after reading your unibrow comments and I think Mutant Hairball is a match for him...grin..

Third, LOL to your whole post...okay, so actually LOL should have been first, but I was laughing too hard to say so...grin...

Stephanie Perkins said...


Oh yeah. That's an evil eyebrow smiley face. Wanna see him laugh?


He just stole your cinnamon toast.

K.C. Shaw said...

The Simpsons used to have a great character, the baby with one eyebrow, who was Maggie's nemesis. They used to glare at each other.

Cinnamon toast, mmmm. I wonder if there's any bread in the house.

Abi said...

So there's this older lady I've known forever (my mother's friend) who shaved her eyebrows off as a teenager because some actress had done it.


To this day, she pencils in her eyebrows.

Talk about scary!



Jim Danielson said...

Okay, eating eyebrows = GROSS


It's a cinnamon unibrow. I love Saigon Cinnamon from the spice shop.

No membership request here -- same reason as V.

But Batman -- was filmed in part in the building where I work. They don't say humorous things in these versions like "Holy scary eyebrows" which leaves me yearning for the good old Batman. So, I ask the writers: Why so serious???

Jim D

Kelly Polark said...

I seriously LOVE eyebrows! My hubby's are so perfectly arched (but used to be a unibrow!) My poor 9 year old actually asked to have his waxed! I NEVER thought I be taking him to the salon for that!

Carrie Harris said...

Brenda: Well, if I see a Mutant Hairball, I will definitely send it your way. And thank you for thinking I'm funny. :)

Steph: Ack! It's the scary eyebrowed cinnamon toast bandit (SECT Bandit)! LOL

KC: Yeah, I made some more toast too. Heh.

Abi: And you know what I immediately thought? I regret that I have but one eyebrow to give for my country. Of course, it's really early here. Snarf.

Jim: Cinnamon eyebrows? Excuse me while I fall out of my chair laughing. And I completely advocate the return of the silly Batman sayings. It's part of the whole guy dressed up like a rodent allure.

Kelly: See, I'm allergic to eyebrow waxing stuff. I've had it done at multiple salons, and my forehead area always ends up red and swollen. Makes me look like a Neanderthal.

Jim Danielson said...

Cinnamon eyebrow as on your cinnamon toast is what I meant.

Jim D

Carrie Harris said...

Jim: I know, but I deliberately misunderstood you. Please don't take it personally. I do it all the time; ask my hubby. :)

sruble said...

Unibrow toast. snarf!