Okay, confession time here: I swear like a sailor's wife. Seriously. I have a potty mouth and a half. And I also view cussing as something approaching fine art; you've got to come up with something creative, because the usual f-bombs and s-bombs just don't cut it with me, sistah/brothah/whatevah.
It's all a part of that playing with words thing, I guess. Appreciate interesting phrases I do. Possessed by Yoda I am.
Now, this tendency toward the creative application of four letter words is great until you have kids, or decide to start writing for kids, or both. Because then your only choices are to a) rehabilitate completely and start saying things like "oh, piddle!" when you drop something, or b) replace the creative swears with creative pseudo-swears. I'm all about the creativity, so I of course choose Option B. Besides, there's no way I can say "piddle" without snarfing.
And really, the replacement curse words out there that are used in YA lit and on television? Boooooring. If I hear one more person say the word "fracken," I'm going to go fracken nuts. And then I'm going to hunt their fracken butts down and kick them. Frackenly.
So I've decided to start a new trend. I am hereby replacing all of my swear words with the character names from the Teletubbies. Because I have three young children, and I think that the Teletubbies are a curse all by themselves. I wouldn't be surprised if the Teletubbies were really tools of eeeeevil. Not evil. Eeeeevil. Much wussier but cooler sounding.
Don't think it will work? Check out this dialogue from Clerks, one of the foulest scenes I could find, language-wise. With mucho apologies to Kevin Smith for Po-ing up his dialogue:
I feel good today, Silent Bob. We're gonna make some money! And then you know what we're going to do? We're going to go to the party and get some dipsy. I'm gonna laa-laa this tinky-winky.
And really, don't you just want to laa-laa a tinky-winky? At least every once in a while?
Oh, po! I just dropped something. More blogging later...