Thursday, September 4, 2008

The Mouse House

If you've read the description of my book, or if you're unfortunate enough to know me in real life, you're probably familiar with one of my favorite phrases: rat-in-a-coffee-can insane. I will freely admit that I stole this saying from an old friend of mine, and then I turned around and added insult to injury by nicknaming him The Gangsta Jawa. See, he had this coat, and I honestly think it looked like something that P.Diddy would wear if he'd been raised by the Jawas from Star Wars. I just couldn't help myself.

Can I interrupt myself briefly to tell you that if I were a hip hop star, I'd be C-Ha? Look out, J-Lo; C-Ha's in da house!

Anyway, if I could stay on topic for more than five seconds at a time, I'd tell you that I love the whole rat-slash-coffee-can imagery. The scrabble of little paws on the metal. The shaking of the can as the rat runs in endless circles. It's the absolute picture of desperate insanity. So obviously, I use that phrase a lot.

And sometimes life imitates art, only I used to know someone named Art and don't really imitate him very much because that would be weird and borderline obsessive to boot. And I, as we all know, am completely normal. Ish.

So a couple of days ago, I was checking my email in the basement, because that's where the computer is and it helps to have a computer for the purposes of checking said email. And I keep hearing this scrabbling noise. At first, I just thought something fell off the computer desk, because I am the Queen of Clutter, but after the fourth time something "fell off the desk," I figured I ought to look into it.

And there it was. An empty 2-liter bottle of Vernors, which was NOT mine, because I think Vernors tastes like werewolf spit. And technically, the bottle wasn't empty either. There was a mouse stuck in it. Somehow, that little bugger managed to crawl inside the bottle without knocking it over, and then he couldn't get out.

I would have taken a picture, except that we STILL haven't replaced our camera after my son gave it a bath.

So we cut the bottle open and let little Mickey out of the bottle. Or Minnie. Whatever. I didn't check the mouse's gender for god's sake, because I figure that after being stuck in a bottle for a day, he/she/it probably wouldn't appreciate the invasion of privacy. It would be adding insult to injury yet again, and I'm trying to curb those instincts.

So instead, I'm using this as inspiration for a new phrase. Unfortunately, mouse-in-a-pop-bottle insane doesn't quite have the same ring to it, but I'm still evaluating some other options. Like gerbil-in-a-sippy-cup insane. That one's actually not half bad, now that I think of it...


Anonymous said...

You are hilarious! I'm going to have to add you to my blogroll if you don't mind...

Carrie Harris said...

Hmmm... let me think. Uh NO. NO, I don't mind at all. I'm a bit flattered that you think I'm funny, but there's no minding going on here. Unless being out-of-my-mind counts....?

PJ Hoover said...

Vernors is God-awful. Does anyone like that stuff?
I tried to drink it during pregnancy for the whole upset stomach nonsense, and trust me - it didn't help.
That was four years ago. Must go down to pantry and throw out the remaining bottles.

cindy said...

haha! love that phrase! thanks for dropping by and commenting. good luck on edits! they are fun!

i'll let you know how ink and steel reads--not sure when i'll get to it, tho.

Ello - Ellen Oh said...

Can I just say your book description is beyond awesome? I'm now dying to read it! And hearing your voice on your blog (yes I've been poking around now!) I figure it's going to be pretty funny!

Can I just say that before I got married my last name was Ha so I was EHA on all my usernames, email, business tags, etc. Now I'm an Oh. Yes, I have to be funny to go from a Ha to an Oh.

And good for you for letting the mouse out. Since I am deadly afraid of rodents I would have probably just stuck it in recycle and let someone else handle the problem. Not very warm and fuzzy am I? ;o)

Carrie Harris said...

I'm with you, PJ. Hubby tried to give me Vernors when I was sick, and it just made me sicker. He thinks it's the next best thing to ambrosia.

Completely understand about the list o' books to read, Cindy. Thanks for stopping by in return!

And Ello, you can certainly say that! I'll pay you to say it! And EHA/EOh makes me snarf. If only your middle name began with "I", you could be just like Old McDonald.

Ronald L. Smith said...

I've always been partial to the phrase: "Crazier than a sh**$t house rat.

Maybe your new phrase can be:

"That child is just plain mouse-in-a- pop-bottle-crazy."

You have to say this with a slight southern accent.

Fox Lee said...

You're not the only one who dreams of creating their own catch phrase. I'm shooting for "Sweet Sam Lee in Hong Kong" myself.

Adrienne said...

That reminds me of a parlor trick for getting a cork out of the bottom of a wine bottle. I wonder if it would work on a mouse?
Glad Mousey was OK.

Carrie Harris said...

It's a good idea, Balthazar, except that I only do bad accents. I'm particularly good at the French guy from Monty Python. I also do a pretty mean Valley Girl.

Sad but true.

Natalie, I am now itching to hear that phrase used in context!

And Adrienne, I'm really curious about how that parlor trick works.

Susan Sandmore said...

Did you at least put Mickey or Minnie outside the house? Or did you point them at the pop-top cans?

I like "pop-top cans"--are cans even pop-top anymore? Or are they ONLy pop-top? What IS pop-top?

I like your rat phrase. But I do feel a bit bad for the rat. Is it an open can?

Carrie Harris said...

Yeah, Susan, we had to cut open the bottle to get him/her/it out, but we ended up letting him out into the park behind our house.

I think he might be back.

Dum dum DUM.

Scillius Maximus said...

I always liked:

"out back eatin dirt dumb" myself