I never realized that my adoration of all things Halloweenie was going to be a problem.
But then I became a parent. I tend to go, well, overboard when it comes to the Wonder That Is Halloween. Example: I dressed up as a slasher film cheerleader one year for a costume party. It was a FAB costume; I got a cute little blue and yellow cheerleader costume and learned how to do some good gory makeup. I did a primo realistic slashed throat, and then I smeared the rest of the blood all over my arms and legs. I even did pigtails.
That's right, bay-bee. I'm so into Halloween that I'll subject myself to pigtails. With ribbon. Yowza.
It turned out to look so realistic that, as I was driving to the party, I turned to see an older couple in the car next to me. They were so frightened by the gory throat thing that they drove off the road. Or maybe it was the pigtails, but either way they were looking at me and not at the semi in front of them.
Everyone was okay, BTW. That party was surreal too; there was a guy dressed up as a Twister game, and he kept going up to all of the girls and yelling "Right hand on yellow! Right hand on yellow!" I'll let you guess where the yellow dot was.
A couple of years later, I recycled the slasher film cheerleader costume for one of Slayer's med school parties. One of his classmates must not have realized we were dating. He was dressed like a mad scientist and kept following me around, wiggling his eyebrows at me and snapping his latex gloves. At the time, I thought it was pretty weird. But now I realize he must have been a psychic. He knew about my eyebrow fetish before I did.
Ack! Totally off topic! Not surprised! Overdosing on exclamation points!!!
My problem is that I cannot do things like that now that I'm a parent. I'm now stuck with boring, non-bloody costumes. Last year, I was a medieval queen. This year, I think I will be a non-dead cheerleader. Rah rah blah.
I would like to have THAT HOUSE. You know the one I'm talking about. The cool one in the neighborhood. Mine would be all done up with animatronic zombie cheerleaders, and I'd update my costume from slasher to zombie, and it would be MADE OF AWESOME. I'd pipe Thriller over a loudspeaker on a continuous loop. There would be a fog machine. Oh, who am I kidding? SIXTEEN freaking fog machines.
But then, my children would be afraid to come home, even if they could find their home in all that fog. That would be suckier than suck. So instead, I have cute little ghosties hanging from the magnolia tree, and a little sign hanging on the door, and another ghost with a necktie hanging from my plant hook. Because neckties apparently make ghosts into non-threatening creatures.
I'm trying to figure out how to put some subliminal zombies in there. Like maybe a really tiny one that I could hide in the plants, just so I know it's there. Because this ain't no fun.