I am officially exhausted and probably comedy impaired today. Fair warning that this will either be freaking hilarious or embarrassingly stupid. Daughters won't sleep through the night. Living on caffeine and cold pizza. Speaking in incomplete sentences. Figure you get the picture.
But the gods are smiling down on me. (Actually, it's raining, so apparently they're doing something else on me. Let's say it's spit and pretend we weren't thinking something totally different and wildly inappropriate, okay?) I've been tagged not once but twice. It's probably because I run so slowly. Not my fault. You tend to slow down after falling off a cliff and having your knee reconstructed.
So the first tag is courtesy of fabulous Abi.
4 goals I have in the next 5 years:
1. Be the recognized world expert in Batman eyebrows.
2. Sleep an entire night through without anyone waking me up.
3. Get rid of the @$&($%ing mouse that won't get out of my basement. It pooped on some of my writing. I mean, really. Can't we be a LITTLE more subtle than that?
4. Have The Wonder That Is My Novel published in foreign languages and then go on a book tour and try to read it phonetically. Because that would be funny, particularly in German. Wouldn't you like to hear me read from Grobartig Unbrauchbar?
4 places I will visit someday:
1. Scotland. Where I will drink lots of Black and Blacks (Guinness and blackberry schnapps... I'm drooling. I'm drooling. I'm really really drooling.)
2. Climax, Michigan. Because hey, I'm in the state and it's a good excuse for a road trip.
3. Australia. Because I'd like to see how they cook shrimp on little plastic dolls.
4. Google. To drop off the "donation" I owe them after they made me the Batbrow expert.
4 of my favorite foods:
4 jobs I've had:
1. Managed the national center for research in Mad Cow Disease.
3. Autopsy coordinator.
4. Water aerobics teacher. (Funny story: I made all my own tapes for the class, and one day one of my students is singing "Careless Whisper" during the cool down. And instead of singing, "Guilty feet have got no rhythm," she sang: "Guilty feelings, hot diddle diddle." I am not lying.)
2 places I've lived:
1. Cleveland, Ohio
2. Chicago, Illinois
2 places I'd like to live:
1. I kinda like it where I'm at, thanks.
2. Although there's a development called The Arboretum down the street from us that is tres swank if you're giving out houses.
4 things I'd do with my spare time, if I had any:
1. Play a lot of video games. I'm a dedicated button masher. I never learn all the secret codes; I just whang on the buttons at random and see what happens.
2. Crochet. I'm supposed to be making ponchos for my daughters' birthday, but I haven't started. And I made some mean penis cozies for my roommates in college. Gag gifts. I'm all about the crafty gag gifts.
3. Take cooking classes. Cooking for me is a zen thing, except for when all of the smoke detectors in the building are going off, in which case it's a snarfworthy mass chaos thing.
4. Read all my books again. I have this great skill where I can block out the ending of a book so I can read it again and still be kind of surprised by what happens. So I can read a good book sixteen times and still not be able to tell you what it's about.
And on with the tagginess. I tag Brenda, Cate, Tabitha, Tiny T, and anyone else who is too tired to think up something else to post about.